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Going shopping?

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  • 03-08-2008 5:24pm
    #1
    dvega
    Registered Users Posts: 363 ✭✭


    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
    Target.
    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
    get
    in and get out.
    Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to
    browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
    Target.



    Dear Mrs. Smith,



    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
    commotion
    in our store. We cannot tolerate this
    behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

    Our complaints against Mr. Smith are listed below and are documented by
    our
    video surveillance cameras.


    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
    carts when they weren't looking.
    2 July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
    intervals.
    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's
    restroom.
    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice,
    'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's
    on
    layaway.
    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
    shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
    pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
    and
    screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
    mirror while he picked his nose.
    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
    asked
    the clerk where the antidepressants were.
    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
    humming
    the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
    by
    using different sizes of funnels
    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
    yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    assumed
    a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least.

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
    then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
    toilet paper in here."


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