Some Randoms

Havermeyer

A piece of string walks into a bar.

The Barman says "Are you a piece of string?"

The string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot"

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I joined an internet dating site. My first date was with a girl at a hospital. When I went to meet her, she said, "I don't know if the website told you but I only have a few weeks to live."

So I said to her, "I don't know if the website told you, but I was only looking for a short-term relationship!"

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A nun leaves her cell and walks along the corridor..........

"Sister Mary it seems you got out of bed the wrong side today."

Sister Mary "No, I'm in a very good mood."

Sister Mary enters the kitchen.

"Sister Mary, wrong side of the bed today"?

"NO" says Mary "I'm FINE............"

Goes to sit down to eat.

"Sister Mary," says the Mother Superior, "looks like you got out the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"FOR GOD'S SAKE," says Mary, "I really am fine."

"Fine you may be," replies the Mother Superior, "but you have Father Johns slippers on.............."

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I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the woman behind the counter, "Do you sell bereavement cards?"

She said, "Yes, sir."

So I said, "Could I exchange one for this get well soon card I bought yesterday?"

mumhaabu

All the nuns were lined up in the convent and the Mother Superior loudly announces I'm afraid we have got a case of VD amongst us, one nun loudly proclaims, oh, thank god i'm sick of Chardonnay!

Two farmers were getting ready to take their dead jackass (male Donkey) to the knackers yard one evening when they noticed he had an erection as is normal in dead animals. So they snipped it off and threw it in over the wall into the grounds of the convent. The next morning Two nuns were out on their normal praying walk when say it, they looks at each other and say's "Oh now I haven't seen Fr. Pat for a while something terrible must have happened to him look at this"

abitlonely

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.