how to broach the subject of a hairy back....

Madame Razz

Hello all

I know this sounds silly, and please dont laugh, but I need a little bit of advice...

I met a guy recently, lovely guy, its early stages but all signs are good...

We haven't 'gone there' yet, but i'm aware that he has an exceptionally hairy back and shoulders.... we're talking a jumper here, and not to be shallow or anything, but i just cant stomach it, its one of my pethates and completely turns me off, and this is probably the worst case I've ever seen!!!

I dont know how i can bring myself to actually get intimate with him, but i know its very shallow to give him the heave-ho just cos of some body hair.

And also, its far too early for me to say GET IT WAXED OR ELSE!!! Not that I ever would, anyway!

What to do??? Grin and bare it, or give him the p45???

Im by no means perfect myself, but have always loathed the whole hairy back and shoulders thing, hairy chest...lovely.....back and shoulders......uuuggggggggggghhhhhhh **shudder**

Any advice welcome!!;)

PI

---

>:pac:


Tell him in such a way as that u dont crucify his confidence. Tell him it'd bring him from a 9.5 to a 10. Whatever way u do it make sure its veiled as a suggestion/compliment rather than "yuk, thats disgusting".

LadyE

Ohh tough one...dont really know what advice to give you..

Could you grin and bear it until you find out if this is actually heading anywhere..could be a bit soon to be saying 2I like this, and I dont like that"..you could offend him unnessecarily.

WindSock

Don't shave your legs for ages. Then when it comes time to getting it on, wave a hairy leg in front of his face (in a graceful and delicate manner) and see his reaction. If he says anything then broach the subject of his back and shoulders.

Dragan

You are forgetting that you mentioning it as in issue may get YOU the P45.

I would suggest that seeing as you are not getting your groove on yet to just leave it and see where it goes.

If you do end up in a relationship will you expect him to stay hair free at all times?

I know plenty of girls who wouldn't put up with that demand, let alone dudes.

Doctor DooM

I know this is crazy talk, but how about you be honest and tell him you find it a bit of a turn off.

I say this as a hairy person, I wouldn't mind doing it for someone I care about.

Lust is blind, if you don't fancy him enough to be unfathomably ok with the fuzz.
Then you don't fancy him enough to be with him tbh.

Madame Razz

Dragan wrote: »

You are forgetting that you mentioning it as in issue may get YOU the P45.

I would suggest that seeing as you are not getting your groove on yet to just leave it and see where it goes.

If you do end up in a relationship will you expect him to stay hair free at all times?

I know plenty of girls who wouldn't put up with that demand, let alone dudes.

I would never demand that of anybody, nor would i want anybody to demand it of me; although i keep myself pretty much hair free anyway so it would never be an issue.

I dont know where the whole thing is going. I do like him, and we have been on a few dates which have went well. Hes doing everything right but i cant see beyond the fact that hes actually the hairiest man i have ever seen and im running out of excuses to avoid intimacy.

I've never been such a nun in my adult life, I'd say by now he is really wondering what going on with me and wondering is he ever going to get into my bed. But i really dread what might happen when we eventually go there, as i tend to have quite a physical reaction to things i dont like... and then how will the poor guy feel??

So confused, hairy back and shoulders have been my pet hate for years.

Maybe i need to get over myself and just go for it?? Or maybe i should just spare the guys feelings and just say its not working out yadda yadda...


confused.....:(

Madame Razz

Moonbaby wrote: »

Lust is blind, if you don't fancy him enough to be unfathomably ok with the fuzz.
Then you don't fancy him enough to be with him tbh.

Well we got a bit hot and heavy on our first date...thats when i discovered the fuzz/ fully blown hair jumper.......**shudder**

And since then....... ** shudder**

You could literally plait the stuff if you wanted..... **shudder**

And its the fact its so jumper-like...its like a mohair sweater...

O, Jaysus, im gonna hurl just thinking about it....... uuugggghh....

Anti

Immac that gorilla while he sleeps.

AMIRITE

Disco Stu

I'd go for the honest approach and just mention it... seems similar enough to any other "body hair" removal conversation which might be a bit awkward to start with...!!

Otherwise don't let him take his top off....

My 100th post was a semi sensible one... who knew...!!

barbiegirl

I always thought I hated hairy chests, backs etc. Then I met my oh and he's very, very hairy and I love it. I guess I love him, and therefore accept him as he is, so not a turn off.
Agree with someone else if you don't fancy him enough to get over the hair, you don't fancy him enough.
Just my two pence worth.

Madame Razz

Maybe you and moonbaby have a point...

maybe Im just not that into him.

I suppose, thinking back on my exs, if they had been hairy i doubt it would have put me off, i dont know that for certain, but i doubt it.

Maybe I should just call time on the whole thing altogether, it might be easiest.

Its not fair to keep dating him and almost lead him on as it were, plus hes quite serious, so I doubt if i told him that i found the back hair a turn off that it'd go down too well.

Its the option that makes most sense isnt it??!

Thanks guys!!

Quality

My darling husband... has got the hariest legs .. When he takes off his trousers you would think he still had them on...


Anyway, they keep me warm, so I dont complain... Love is blind... Give him a chance.:)

Madame Razz

Hairy legs= no problem

Hairy chest= actually prefer it

Hairy 'down below'= unless its ridiculous, no problem

Hairy arms=doesnt bother me

Hairy hands= if very hairy not so good

Hairy lower back= ya, thats ok

Hairy shoulders= vile

Hairy upper back= vile

Hairy back AND shoulders= viler

Really Hairy back and shoulders(that continue on from chest hair)= vilest!

Shallow rnt I!!!;)

Jules

Not really i cant stand a hairy arse!

BeansMeansHynes

Oh god. I am so horrible but hairy men freak me out so much. I shudder at the thought.

If it was me and I couldnt see past the hairyness, I would dump him but not tell him the reason as it might give him a complex.

Zaph

Get some velcro, and if the side with the little hooks doesn't cling to his back unless it's pressed on firmly then he's probably not really all that hairy.

jellie

I think the people who said if its an issue then maybe you dont fancy him enough may be right.

thinking about it my ex had a hairy lower back (that kinda went down towards & onto his ass a bit) & i never paid the slightest bit of attention to it, barely even noticed. thinking about it now repulses me a bit though...

Ginny

Meh, Hairiness, smairiness, to me the hair is a part of him, you like him, you like the hair.

sar84

sar84 wrote: »

thinking about it now repulses me a bit though...

Waitago Sara! ~highfives!!~

Madame Razz

Seriously though, I do have serious issues with the whole hairy back and shoulders thing, and I think its regardless of the man 2bh.

I mean, theres no getting away from it....

A man wears a shirt/t-shirt, its poking out the collar....eeeeewwww

If you even get to the whole intimacy bit, Doggy style is the only way you would get away from the hair.

You wake up in the morning, he has his back to you..... HEY FOREST!!!


He gets up to the bathroom....what do you see....

Heck, he could probably borrow my hairdryer....ugggggghhhh....


Vielleicht I just have hair issues...but seriously.... I had a VERY bad experience when I was nineteen **shudder**

Miss Fluff

Personally I love a hairy bloke but the whole shoulder thing would put me off a bit too. Suggest taking a bath together, soap him up EVERYWHERE and then gently suggest shaving said furry parts and promise him a treat after, he may like to shave parts of you in return, it'll make it look like it was all his idea if you make it worth his while;)

Anti

Im telling ya, a spray of immac while hes sleeping will do the job.

Phlann

Oh, suck it up (figuratively). For the moment, at least.

If you say it to him now his crazy-b1tch-trying-to-change-me-after-one-date senses will start tingling. Say it after a month or two. It's not that big a deal.

If men asked you to start changing your appearance before they'd even slept with you you'd be pissed off too so just grin and bear it for now.

If he likes you he'll ignore the spidey senses........go for the Anti!

stovelid

Ask him a bit further into the relationship.

Also, in return, make a similar sacrifice. Let him request that you change something you are not bothered by, but he would like to change. He can request that you lose (or gain) weight, change your hair colour, get a boob-job or whatever.

Madame Razz

Phlann wrote: »

Oh, suck it up (figuratively). For the moment, at least.

If you say it to him now his crazy-b1tch-trying-to-change-me-after-one-date senses will start tingling. Say it after a month or two. It's not that big a deal.

If men asked you to start changing your appearance before they'd even slept with you you'd be pissed off too so just grin and bear it for now.

Ya, I wouldn't say it to him, not even jokingly, as i said, hes a serious kind of a guy and I doubt it go down too well.


We have another date Friday, hes hinting at staying over, still haven't decided whether i'll let him or not.

One glimpse of the shoulders and he could be in the spare room!!!

I know i shouldn't be making such a big deal about it but it REALLY freaks me out......sad but true....

Ginny

Then don't go out with the guy?

Madame Razz

stovelid wrote: »

Ask him a bit further into the relationship.

Also, in return, make a similar sacrifice. Let him request that you change something you are not bothered by, but he would like to change. He can request that you lose (or gain) weight, change your hair colour, get a boob-job or whatever.

Ok, its not a relationship yet...nowhere near it, it might never be!!

And i think asking a guy what would he like to change about my physical appearance would be a bit strange to be honest.

In fairness, i do keep myself pretty well, and this hairy guy seems very happy with how I look and dress; in fact all his nice compliments almost freak me out a little.

And i'd never get a boob job done for a man, i'd only ever have surgery like that for myself, and realistically its not something i would see myself doing unless i had to.

As i said, I'm meeting him again this weekend and we'll see how it goes;)

Madame Razz

GinnyJo wrote: »

Then don't go out with the guy?

That would make me shallow. I don't give a men a fair chance usually(i've been criticised for this); so it's something I'm trying to work on.

Its the new leaf i've turned over this year.....

Doesn't turn so well when there's hairy shoulders involved tho:eek: