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Single Parents

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  • 06-08-2008 7:36pm
    #1
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭


    How hard do you find it to meet people? I'm not looking to get married or into a serious relationship, i am well out of an abusive relationship and was hoping someone would come along for a while to have a nice time with and remember i'm not the worst in the world etc. Anyhow it seems really hard!!! I don't want to get into going on a hunt or insisting all my friends set me up but i'm finding that if i'm out or meet guys through friends etc as soon as i mention the parent aspect of my life they become the roadrunner! In some ways i think its a good thing because i find the weirdos or the 'one thing' people don't stick around long enough for you to learn how bad they are. So i haven't met anyone worth more than one drink and i'm wondering if others are the same or is there some secret i don't know!!!

    P.S. I'm fine being single but i haven't dated in about 2 years and feel like a complete minger and i'm feeling a little lonely i'm not hunting for a husband!


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    #2
    Clare Bear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,613 ✭✭✭✭Clare Bear


    Would you give online dating a go Lola? At least on your profile there you could say you have a child and that would eliminate the roadrunners for a start?


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    #3
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭LolaDub


    Probably not to be honest, as i said i'm not really looking to meet someone but a bit miffed at how many have run off when i mention being a mother. I didn't realise in this day and age that there was so much negative social stigma being a single mother.

    On another point i have found that some people assume you sleep aound because you have a child and you're a 'sure thing', anybody else find this? To be honest i find it very offensive


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    #4
    antodeco
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 13,504 ✭✭✭✭antodeco


    I have a (nearly!) 5 year old girl and Im single. No longer with the mother since 2 years ago. I have had 2 "kinda" relationships since then, both lasting a few weeks. I find it extremley hard to meet anyone, because Lola, as you said, having a child makes people think differently. When people talk to me, I can see them almost backing away when they hear I have a child. I take my daughter every weekend, and have done for the past 2 years. As a result, when I do get to go out (my parents will always mind her if I want to go out) I feel guilty about leaving her.

    My thinking is that if people dont want to be with me or get to know me as a result of having a child, well then, im sorry, I dont want anything to do with them. I feel lonely a huge amount of the time, and it really gets to me. I love companionship and having someone around to talk to, but Ive lost most of my friends. I was with the mother for 4 years, and over that time I drifted away from my friends, and any girls I know now are simply "friends". Id say around 90% of my friends are girls, unintentionally, but it seems that when I do get talking to someone, and they start liking me, they are afraid to get involved because I have a child. Its hard to find someone Lola, but it will be worth it in the end. Its better to get with someone who wants you regardless, then just being with someone for the sake of it.

    Dont think you are minging. I feel the same, its a self confidence issue and lack of "socialization" amongst people. Life sucks but it seems that single mothers have a better chance of finding someone then single fathers. As you rightly said, it could be because lads think "wahey, she must spread her legs easy". Meh, I suppose Ive become moany and whingey since seeing life drift away and relationships dissolve as a result of a fantastic child. At the end of the day, Im happy knowing my daughter is safe, and I get to see her. I count myself lucky, but I do find it hard nearly every day.

    Sorry for the rant! In letterkenny for the night with work, and time to myself never helps! :)


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    #5
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭LolaDub


    I'm not looking to meet a husband but guys seem to assume i'm either looking for a husband or for casual sex, neither appeal to me! I'm not looking for a husband now, if i met someone i fell for then thats great, never say never but its not what i want now. I just would like some companionship etc but i'm so sick of being treated like i'm a giant whore/have a disease/am trapping a man into marriage/only had a kid for the governments cash etc


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    #6
    MojoMaker
    Registered Users Posts: 4,686 ✭✭✭MojoMaker


    Lola, there are a few of us in this situation so you're not alone :)

    Just as relevant on the guy's side, if not as complicated.


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    #7
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    There are single parent dating sites set up for those who wish to date other single parents, I guess the notion is that that way either side understands the complexities. http://www.singleparents.ie/

    Can't say I have ever used it myself, then again I have also never used www.witchdating.com as I don't see the point
    as defining myself on just one thing or one aspect of my life.


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    #8
    Grawns
    Registered Users Posts: 2,169 ✭✭✭Grawns


    My friend is a single parent with 2 children and she is now dating a guy in the same situation. They chatted online for about a year on a single parents forum. Try here

    When I was single I would have run from anyone with children and I'm female.


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    #9
    Sleepy
    Registered Users Posts: 24,247 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Before meeting my girlfriend I dated sing mothers for varying lengths of time, all of which ended amicably. My girlfriend was a single mother when I met her randomly in a pub one night, we're happy together and expecting our first child together in 7 weeks. Maybe not particularly helpful, or advice of any kind but perhaps a reminder that not all guys have an issue with dating single mothers.


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    #10
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭LolaDub


    MojoMaker wrote: »
    Lola, there are a few of us in this situation so you're not alone :)

    Just as relevant on the guy's side, if not as complicated.

    As long as i'm not the only one! I'm not ready to start internet dating but i suppose if i got to a stage where i really really wanted a relationship i'd give it a go. I actually did meet someone for a bit but that disintegrated quickly enough when i couldn't go out every fri and sat night night all night with them.

    Thaed i think you make a good point about not defining yourself as one thing i just find when i'm talking away to someone and its going really well and i mention having a baby its like a super fast bob the builder threw up a brick wall and then they're gone! Or its a sleazy smile and a theres a hotel around the corner kind of thing.


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    #11
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    Grawns wrote: »
    My friend is a single parent with 2 children and she is now dating a guy in the same situation. They chatted online for about a year on a single parents forum. Try here

    When I was single I would have run from anyone with children and I'm female.

    Note to lads: That's not a dating site! :rolleyes:

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



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