3 Quickies

rocky25

Two old men suffering from Alzheimer's were sitting on the steps of the nursing home when an ice cream van drove past.


"Cor," said the first old feller. "I'd love an ice cream."

"Would you like me to get you one?" asked the second old bloke.

"Are you joking?" the first old fart replied,

"you'd forget my order before you got there."

"No I wouldn't," replied the second.

"All right, then," said his mate,

"I want a double cone with mint ice cream and choc. chips, and a cherry on top."

The second old bloke repeated the order flawlessly.



Five minutes later he walked back carrying two pork pies.

The first old bloke looked at the pies and said,

"I knew I shouldn't have sent you, you doddering old c*nt,

you forgot the bloody HP sauce!"

~~~~~~~~~~
Due to the credit crunch, I’m now shopping more and more in cheaper food outlets.

Have you tried the Korean meatballs from 'Lidl'?




I’m telling you, they’re the dog’s bollocks!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A survey was recently taken to see what the last words said before a car crash in several different countries around the world.

In Britain the most common answer was, "sh#t."

In France the most common answer was, "Merdes."

In Germany the most common answer was, " Scheiße”


In the U.S.A the most common answer was, "crap."

And finally in Australia the most common answer was,

"here, mate, hold my can of Fosters and watch this."