When Bad Players Are Good

Xavi6

Every club has them. Absolute duffers who are so bad you just have to love them. God knows, we're had our fair share. None more so than Christian Negouai -

Forward With Negouai

Say what you like about Kevin Keegan. But, when he described Christian Negouai as "the most exciting player" he'd ever signed, he could scarcely be accused of over-egging the pudding.

Agreed, 'exciting' is not how all fans expressed Christian's arrival. But, subsequent events have proved KK right.

Of course, one makes these extravagant claims during moments of excitement - KK made a career out of it. And, let's be honest, he's hardly a man given to understatement. On this occasion though, our former manager could possibly have gone further.

Because, with the best will in the world, 'exciting' doesn't even begin to describe Christian Negouai. It doesn't come close. Would it be immodest to claim that he's the most exciting player of all time?

Sure, there have been 'great' players. 'All Time Greats', even. But you will search in vain for anyone who's generated as much God-knows-what-this-guy's-going-to-do-next exhilaration with such little effort? Who else has crammed so much breathtaking lunacy into so few minutes of football?

For sheer amusement, you'd have to go a long, long way to find a player with a career as wincingly magnetic as our No. 30.

My own curiosity in Christian Negouai was kick-started by what remains the most blatant 'hand of God' moment connected with the club since Bobby MacDonald punched one in against Peterborough United in the 1980-81 FA Cup run.

It would be difficult to exaggerate how badly Christian played during his home debut versus Rotherham. There was, for some, a question mark against his passing. Frankly, it wasn't all it could have been.

Realising immediately that passing (long or short range) was not within his field of reference, those present wondered if crunching tackles might be his thing instead. An 'Enforcer', perhaps? Sadly not. The spirit seemed willing enough. The body less so.

Stricken by indecision, little came off for our hero as he failed to adjust to Maine Road's wide open spaces. He had the air of having just jumped up from a heavy meal. The game seemed to pass him by. Incredibly, he went on to 'score' by palming the ball over the line (a skill in itself) from a corner.

All right so far then? Off to a nice start.

Of course, it couldn't last. And, after a long run (by Christian's standards) of uninterrupted football, the boom finally fell (three days later!) away at Blackburn in the Worthington Cup.

Remember, by this point, Christian had already amassed around two hours in a City shirt (he'd made his actual debut the week before at Portsmouth). As anyone will tell you, that kind of punishing schedule can only be maintained for so long. And so it proved. Following two of his, now trademark, lunges he was sent off for two bookable offences. Harsh.

There followed the first of Christian's notorious - and numerous - 'quiet' periods.

Little is known of the artist's movements during these mysterious absences. But they have become a feature of his time with the club. Suffice it to say that, after the success of his 'early work', not much was seen of the 'leggy' midfielder for a while as he got down to the serious business of skiving.

Cruelly, injury deprived him of any further cameos during the remainder of his debut season.

Even in extremis though, Christian has always retained the happy knack of being able to let things go from bad to worse, to even worse, to all time low.

For, where Christian leads, controversy follows - even into the Treatment Room. Operations on both knees were soon diagnosed. A devastating blow. Rest and relaxation prescribed. Christian knew better, of course, and ignored the club's medical advice.

Needless to say, his recovery took longer than expected. KK went berserk. And, by the time he finally re-emerged (for the Reserves in the Senior Cup Final - during the last game of the second year of his contract) he'd fallen way down the midfield batting order. Difficult times.

If there was a thin shard of sunlight poking through that gloomy period though, it was the news that Christian intended to apply for Belgian citizenship in an effort to advance his international aspirations - modestly, he accepted that Zidane had got a stranglehold on his coveted French No. 10 shirt.

His hopes were boosted when he netted (again!) on his return to the first team. Astonishingly, this time it was in Europe. The UEFA Cup, no less!

Dizzy with expectation, by now, many of us had persuaded ourselves we had a real cult hero in our midst. If anything, his credentials were enhanced even further when he unwittingly became embroiled in a 'doping' scandal that later became tangled up in the FA's president-setting treatment of forgetful Rio Ferdinand.

The fact that Christian's failure to be tested (he claimed he had to nip to the airport to pick his mum up) was met with a mere slap on the wrists - Ferdinand went on to receive a high-profile six-month ban - only increased his share price amongst Blues.

But if his stock was rising off the pitch, he was no closer to securing regular football on it. Frustration.

Another quiet period followed - this time in, of all places, Austria, where he set up camp on loan to Sturm Graz.

Ahead of schedule though, Christian was back at his beloved City. His self exile over, Christian continued his purposeful slide into degradation by turning out for the Reserves. That he ended up opening the bowling for Asa Hartford's young side, operating as Centre Forward was hardly a matter of choice. One has the impression the club's coaches felt they'd tried him everywhere else (midfield, in 'the hole', central defence). Why not up front? Feed off his flick-ons. Could work.

With bewildering speed he was back in a first team shirt again.

There are times when the occasion seems to demand Christian Negouai. And a meaningless October Carling Cup tie at home to an under-strength Champions Select XI appeared a perfect arena for another comeback.

Those of us, who, by now, were hooked on Negouai, could have been forgiven for expecting things to go wrong. But not quite to the extent they did. Let's just say the result was not altogether the success we had anticipated.

Clearly, he was rusty and couldn't be risked for the full 90. The plan was to hold the Champions for as long as possible. And then unleash Christian, late on, to exploit Arsenal's tired legs. He came on with 20 minutes to go.

Within minutes though, 13 to be precise, he was back on more familiar territory - the bench. The sub had been subbed! To be fair, he'd been involved in a horrible injury. Taking his courage in both hands, our no. 30 had charged after a loose ball. Stretching for it (in the midst of a cold snap, remember) he found he'd arrived at the touchline without changing down the requisite number of gears. And, having failed to make provision for a pitch-side puddle, he crumpled to the ground - in stages.

I swear the wind died for a moment or two, before, with his dignity in motion, Christian signalled for the physio. And that was that.

His next soon-to-be-abandoned match featured another run out as sub. Boxing Day, 2004. Away at Everton. And the slapstick continued. This time he only lasted 3 minutes. A record? Intent on more mayhem, Christian ran straight into problems - more accurately, Marcus Bent. Straight red. Unbelievable.

He stood around being devastated for what seemed the appropriate length of time. And then folded his bat.

That capped it. Something snapped within KK. And Christian was, literally, sent to Coventry - with largely disappointing results. To no-one's surprise, injury (a recurring theme) cut short his stay in the Midlands. And Christian was back in the stands by the time Keegan gave way to Pearce and the proverbial slate was wiped clean.

How our hearts danced when Christian was named as a sub for the Liverpool game. I shudder to think what he'd have cooked up for us if he'd been let off the leash that day. But it wasn't to be. No yellow cards. No straight red. No controversy. No nothing really. A huge disappointment - and what is known, in Negouai terms, as a 'collector's item'. Certainly a sad way to bow out.

It seems unlikely we will ever see his like again. At the time of writing he appears to have been confined to barracks - once again, held hostage by his past. Cut adrift.

After a series of failures, each more dismal than the last, a recall now looks unlikely. And yet, many Blues maintain that Keegan has been more or less exonerated - and I would suggest more rather than less.

In an age of rush and hurry, Christian always did things his own way. Utterly unsuited to the task of playing football, I maintain that Christian Negouai is still the 'most exciting player' I have ever seen.

To end with this.

When researching this piece, I looked up Christian's career stats on the club's official site. My jaw dropped when I saw he wasn't listed under 'midfielders' in the official squad run-down. Panic.

Then I noticed our midfield had been sub-divided into 'defensive' and 'attacking' midfielders. I scanned the 'attacking' nominees. Not there either. Momentarily flustered, I began casting around amongst other hiding places. Central defence? Striker?

Nothing.

On the brink of giving up, I scrolled down. And there he was. Filed simply under 'Midfielder, Christian Negouai.' Alone. In a class of his own. To the last, utterly unique.

Forward with Negouai!

So who is just so absolutely woeful that you just gotta love them?

MagicMarker

John O'Shea?

Ah no, still hate him.

Regards,
ManU Fan.

Muff_Daddy

First name that springs to mind is Toffie legand Alex Nyarko - infamous for the time a supporter offered to swap shirts with him.

One Cold Hand

Bosko Balaban.
Bought by Villa in 2001 for 5.8 million, quite an amount back then for a club like Villa, so he came with pretty high expectations.

So how did he do? He played 9 games, 7 as a sub, between 2001 and 2004, before Villa cancelled his contract and he left on a free! Wow!

cournioni

Doni from Roma. So sh1te you have to laugh!

wcarey1975

Per Koldrup (I think thats how it's spelt) everton anyone?

Eirebear

Seeeeeeeeeeebooooooooooo!

Mitch Connor

Kleberson should get a mention for United.

Ultimately a failure, but some would see him as a player hard done by (OK, maybe just me...)

On the few occassions Fergie did start Kleberson in something resembling a full strength United side he was actually quite impressive (away to Blackburn springs to mind - MOM performance) But even after these impressive performances he would be dropped. All to often when he did play it would be in a midfield that was probably maybe up of himself, John O'Shea, Darren Fletcher and Liam Miller. He was never really given a proper go of it in th efirst team, imo. I don't think he was ever going to be world class, but he could have been a great option.

SantryRed

Not a United fan but Taibi made some great saves against Liverpool if I remember right. Then in his next two games, was it 5nil against Chelsea and 3all with Southampton. Everyone remembers Le Tissiers goal:D

Don't think he ever played again.

dr.bollocko

Or that William Prunier fella. Ferguson sure hated him. I remember he looked like a skinny Danny De Vito from Batman Returns.

Mitch Connor

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Or that William Prunier fella. Ferguson sure hated him. I remember he looked like a skinny Danny De Vito from Batman Returns.

sure we only got him in on loan to cover a few injuries, and I though he did quite well. Almost scored on his debut vs QRP iirc

dr.bollocko

Tauren wrote: »

sure we only got him in on loan to cover a few injuries, and I though he did quite well. Almost scored on his debut vs QRP iirc

I liked the look of him too, but I think that ferguson blamed the results on him and off he was shipped? Where is he now I wonder? Not enough to google it. It will remain a mystery forever.

John O'Shea for me. The look on his face after his goal at Highbury still makes me laugh! And any United player who scored the winner in the last minut in the Kop is good for me!!

Dolph Starbeam

Zinedine Kilbane, one of the biggest donkeys i've ever seen on a pitch yet he manages to do some good stuff, only god knows how

therecklessone

Pretty much everyone we signed in the mid 90s.

PHB

Kilbane for me God loves a trier.

PHB

PHB wrote: »

Kilbane for me God loves a trier.

+ 1 his workrate is great. He looks oftentimes like the only one in a green jersey who gives a sh1t. i hate when the fans boo him because for his commitment alone he deserves respect.

DSB

Alan Byrne probably.

Fratton Fred

No thread on bad players would be complete without a mention for Ali Dia. A true Portsmouth legend

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Dia

shane86

MOG7 wrote: »

Zinedine Kilbane, one of the biggest donkeys i've ever seen on a pitch yet he manages to do some good stuff, only god knows how

In fairness he gives 100% in the green jersey and without his two goals last campaign we would be 4th or even 5th seeds!


Ali Dia is a legend :pac:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBORkZC-CQI

Unfortunately nly minimal clips of his actual playing, anyone know where there are more?

chopperbyrne

I'm not even a Man Utd fan, but John O'Shea is my hero!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79NLmSokD2I&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gasxpPiews&NR=1

Spud83

Diego Forlan, just didn't work out in the Premiership but the fans loved him after some late winners and the two goals against Liverpool

NotWormBoy

Igor Biscan, just for his goal against Fulham and the look on his face afterwards.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNyx_IMvaF8

Last goal there.

ntlbell

Lee Martin,

"what a hit son" what a cup final, what a day.

****ing Djimi.

That is all !

Galvasean

Pascal Cygan. Usually played terrible but once in a while he'd put in a great performance. He even scored 2 goals in one game (neither of them own goals!)

At least now arsenal have Cygan MkII (Senderos)

Keith C

Thomas " who ate all the pies" Brolin for leeds

Excellant world cup for sweden then ****e for Leeds

Necronomicon

Tauren wrote: »

Kleberson should get a mention for United.

Ultimately a failure, but some would see him as a player hard done by (OK, maybe just me...)

On the few occassions Fergie did start Kleberson in something resembling a full strength United side he was actually quite impressive (away to Blackburn springs to mind - MOM performance) But even after these impressive performances he would be dropped. All to often when he did play it would be in a midfield that was probably maybe up of himself, John O'Shea, Darren Fletcher and Liam Miller. He was never really given a proper go of it in th efirst team, imo. I don't think he was ever going to be world class, but he could have been a great option.

Couldn't agree more, and I do remember that Blackburn game as well. I was very disappointed when he left.

Het-Field

Rigobert Song. A famous player as a result of his 2 red cards at 2 world cup. Signed from Liverpool to mitigate the sale of Rio Ferdinand. Was responsible for several goals. Played the first three games of 2001-2002, and was replaced by Tomas Repka. Last seen on the bench in a West Ham v Fulham game in the first week of November 2001. Loaned to Cologne, before being released before the 2002 World Cup


Titi Camara. A complete unknown who played many stormers at Liverpool in 1999-2000. Tranferred to West Ham for 2 million as cover for Kanoute and Di Canio. A complete hopless case. in 2000-2001 he made a few appearences not scoring a goal, before making one sub appearence in 2001-2002 (1-0 win at Man Utd).He started one game vs Oldham in the Carling Cup) in 2002-2003, and made two or three sub appearences before leaving for Saudi Arabia.

Davor Suker. Signed for the Hammers 5 months before Camara. After Kanoute got injured Suker scored two important goals (one against Man Utd, and another against Sunderland) at a time when West Ham couldnt win, he got another in a Worthington Cup game against Blackburn, and then returned to the bench between October and December. Injury blighted him until March where games against Chelsea and Arsenal finished his Hammers career. A open goal miss against relegation bound Man City was the end, and he was released

Kaba Diawara. Signed in 2000-2001 when Kanoute got injured. Played in some of West Ham's better spells that year, including a great 1-0 win at Elland road. However, he was generally poor and was sent back to PSG.

Sasa Ilic. Great keeper at Charlton. Signed on loan in 1999-2000 by West Ham. Conceeded 4 goals against Everton and was sent home.

Gary Breen. Evety Irish fan knows of Gary Breen's brief spell at Upton Park. 13 goals conceeded in three games in January 2003 finished him.

Wayne Quinn. A Newcastle United developer. Early signs indicated a potential top man in the Championship. Gradually this was wrong and he was sent back to Newcastle

Sergei Rebrov. Hero at Dynamo Kiev. Flop at Spurs Fenerabache and West Ham (2004/2005) Scored one goal (I was there) in a 3-2 win over Watford in November 2004. Was dropped in favour of Karl Fletcher,Mark Noble, and Teddy Sheringham for the Play Off Final, and was sent back to Kiev in June 2005

Nigel Quashie. Decent at Pompey. Signed by Curbishley during a period of desperation snap buying in January 2007. By March 2007 he was replaced by Mark Noble, who was a lynchpin in West Ham's premiership survival. Quashie remains part of the Hammers squad, but has not been on the pitch in 17 months, and remains injured (pick up against spurs in March 2007)

Henri Camara. Last second loan signing with Nobby Solano. Didnt play until september, and by December was out of the team. Fred Sears took over, and Camara was embittered and Finished at the club

shoutman

Djemba-Djemba, so good they named him twice..............

Villa have had too many tripe players.

Hero Of College

Djimi Traore.

Called a donkey by Dunphy in the Milan game buildup, played the part for 90 minutes, then clears off the line at 3-3.

The guy is walking around with a Champions League Winners Medal.

mayordenis

NotWormBoy wrote: »

Igor Biscan, just for his goal against Fulham and the look on his face afterwards.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNyx_IMvaF8

Last goal there.

the performance against depor was the one for me,
although I think he was one of the few "donkey" "joke" cult heroes that was actually a good palyer just woefully played out of positition,
I think houllier used to play him at centre back simply because he looked reasonable similar to hyypia and henchoz, ie. he was big and blond.
when he got to actually play football he was quite good.

kensutz

Gary Doherty

nuff said.