Quickies 2

rocky25

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large
plastic dustbin bags with her, one in each hand.

Unfortunately, there's a rip in one of the bags, and every once in a while a £20 note falls out on to the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her.... 'Ma'am, there are £20 notes
falling out of your bag

'Oh, really? ‘says the little old lady.

'I'd better go back and see if I can collect them.

Thanks for the warning!'

'Well, now, not so fast,' says the copper.

'How did you get all that money?'

'You didn't steal it, did you?'

'Oh, no', says the little old lady.

'You see, my back yard is right next to the car park of the football stadium.

Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and piss through the bushes, right into my flower beds!'

'So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper,

and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes,

I say, '£20 or off it comes'

'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop.

'OK, good luck!

By the way, what's in the other bag?'

'Well', says the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting,
he looked up and said,

'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.

I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.

The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh.

I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.

She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.

Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the
problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring,

so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, 'Hello son is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girl friend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.

Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.

So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring.

She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.

Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.

She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.

She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.

She was great fun initially and very energetic, but had no direction.

So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her.

She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.






I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.