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A jelly baby walks into a bar....

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  • 22-08-2008 11:26am
    #1
    Jay D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭


    A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
    The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in." So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you." Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go.
    After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood and turns to
    Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me."
    "I was", says Smartie, "but those Lockets are menthol!"


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    #2
    r3nu4l
    Registered Users Posts: 17,399 ✭✭✭✭r3nu4l


    A piece of green tarmac is sitting in a bar, quietly drinking a pint and crying. A piece of black tarmac comes over and says:

    "What's wrong mate?"
    The green tarmac replies:
    "Well, I'm a footpath, all day every day, people walk all over me and it gets me down and I get picked on a lot. It's gotten to the stage that I'm frightened of my own shadow".
    The black tarmac replies:
    "Aw, mate, look at me, I'm a road, trucks, buses, cars, all day every day. I'm hard as nails, I'll look out for you"
    All of a sudden three pieces of red tarmac come into the bar and the black tarmac jumps behind the bar cowering in fear. They see the green tarmac, rush him and beat him to a pulp before leaving again. When the dust settles, the black tarmac comes out of hiding and asks:
    "You okay mate?"
    The green tarmac says:
    "I thought you said you'd look out for me? Hard as nails, you said!"
    Black tarmac replies:
    "Well, yeah mate I am but you have to understand, those pieces of red tarmac are fcukin' cycle-paths!"


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