Bright as a lotus. (3min 15sec)Tune1st to D

humberklog

1st string tuned to D. 6th string not played at all in song. I've chord labelled 1st verse but the song is plucked and varies a little. Kick off by playing the 1st string(now a D(notE)). Song's played slow. Slower than that.

Where the | are is around the change point. 1 is in drunks and this kick off on a Fshape but leaving the 1st string open and remember the 6th isn't played ever in the song. Pluck away but starting progression with the 1st string. Then a hop to the Cshape at the | in sand(No 6th!). I'm still forming tune fully but I'm kicking about on on the B and licking up on the 1st sting on the 3fret. It's a very light soft tune.
(I think it could do with another verse to go with the one between choruses. I'm on it).

All these d|runks are just thieves
who'll cement your beliefs
and bury you up to your head in the san|d.

You sh|ined like a lotus.
While nobody noticed
those goons and your catastrophic plan.

But I knew you were wrong
when you told me who won.
The mandrills with Montecristos.
And the children, they all had guns.

Now there's now use you lying
'cos I'd seen you crying.
When you hypothesised you shoulda realised
those fools would hang onto every word.

Chorus1
I knew you, I knew you, I knew you
I knew you were wrong.
But an absurd little jew
with fake leather shoes was no match
for the ana-baptist, the creationists or the
Episcopalian Evolutionary Guard.

Now the kids smoke cigars.
Wearing real monkey's furs.
And the grown ups hide in terror
Scratching zero to Pi on cave walls.

Chorus2(and out)
Lord I knew you, I knew you, I knew you
I knew you'd get it wrong.
But I loved you, I loved you, I loved you
and didn't give a damn.
While I went unnoticed
you shine bright as a lotus.
I was a fool and you you had the master's plan.

Oink

I like it! I think it's well written, and worth spending time on. I shall consequently critique and criticize the shazbot out of it - I wouldn't bother if it was sh!t.

So... I'm a bit surprised at the rhymes. To be honest some of them don't sound...quite up to your own usual writing standard. One part that I think you can definitely write better is :
lying-crying... that's been done
hypothesized-realised... a bit heavy innit?
And a couple more like that.

Well, actually, that's about it. Thought there was more coming. I quite like the imagery, and quite like the song as a whole, but I'm just not too fond of the rhymes. Looking forward to hearing it this weekend (my own song is kinda back to the drawing board - not worked hard enough on it yet...)

EDIT: OK, a couple more things I like: "scratching zero to Pi on the wall", mandrills, etc. that's real good!

Fall_Guy

I have no idea what it means (or at least my interpretation of it is probably way off), but I think its great. Some of the imagery is really striking, really like

"The mandrills with montecristos,
and the children they all had guns."

and then following it up later with...

"Now the kids smoke cigars.
Wearing real monkey's furs."

humberklog

Good pint on the rhyming Mr. Oink but I bit the bullet and put in those words as they explain the situation well. They are unfontunately close to each other (like cousins fcuking). I toyed with doing the song in spanish but I was losing too much in translation. I struggled to avoid those words together but alas I found any other words were taking the story away from the context which I visualise for the song. A curse on the English language. Oddly enough though it is the first song I've written that I can sing so am a bit wary of meddling. I'm looking forward to you hearing it.
The reference to the crying is that the girl realises that her notions on a new-world order were bunk, with apocalyptic consequences that have come to fruition before her eyes (when she chooses to look). She likes the attention of the men that have followed her every word and implemented her plan(with devastating results) so much that she won't allow herself to be judged wrong and lies to her followers that all's well in the world and that surely nature pitted against nurture is the way forward. She thinks she has not been noticed reflecting on the devastation she has reaked but has been. But the witness is too weak and entranced by her that he observes the apocalypse unfold without taking action to prevent it. He lacks social maturity. Kind of a metaphor for Germans following orders in ww2 but that's not really where the story sits either. A lot more to do with teenage infatuation and the wrongs of running with the gang especially when one doesn't consider ones self to be part of the gang but in fact is nothing more than a mere toy to the director of operations. I'm kinda loooking to Orwell on inspiration and from there the story can morph itself to whatever the listener wants it to mean for them.
But be the hokey it sings well.
I'll try record it tomorrow.