Depression

Ammunition_Magi

I didn't really know where to write this but i saw Terrys thread and thought this might be a suitable place to write my story.

I'm 19 nearly 20,next month. Basically,for as long as i can remember i've been depressed.. from when i was 12 til about 17 i had severe OCD,had to flip a light switch on and off 10 times before leaving it,fixing chairs,cleaning up,if some1 stood on my shoes i would have to re-tie them.. and lots lots more. Nowadays its not as bad but still present.

Also between when i was 15-17 i was extremely lonely,i had NO friends and the only thing that saved me was music,i used to come home from school put on a CD,that was all,i enjoy my company even now that a have a great circle of friends though. In my life i have NEVER EVER felt at ease,my mind is always racing,i have never been able to "turn off".. also i dont think i've ever went to bed early even if im tired,i always feel like i'll miss something. I always change my mind,1 minute i love something next minute it bores me even though some things have stayed constant throughout my life.. like my taste in music. is this all normal behaviour?
Over the last 2 and a half years i have lost a brother,who i was extremely close to,an aunt and 2 uncles.. Losing my brother was easily the worst thing that ever happened to me,it damn near pushed me over the edge.

I have contemplated suicide so many times it is unreal,some days i am extremely cheerful, cracking jokes with the lads in work being really talkative but other times i feel like i have no future,that everything is hopeless,like i cant go on.. i can change from being happy to being depression in a matter of moments. what really made me write this thread is an incident last week in work,i took monday and tuesday off because i felt really depressed(i just told my mother i was sick) but i went in on wednesday and was literally only there an hour and 1 of the lads came up to me and asked "are you alright??" i felt my eyes welling up and i burst into tears... he couldn't believe it. I gathered myself and he asked what was wrong... i said,"i dont know... i just feel destroyed,depressed and can't handle anything"

So i've decided enoughs enough,i never really thought there might be an underlying mental issue up until recently but now i think its quite clear there is,i'm going to make and appointment to see my local GP soon,my parents are going away on September 4th for a week so i will do it then because i really couldn't be bothered telling them how i feel,they come from a different time.. they will tell me to stop being a baby and wont understand,or will hold the stigma on mental health that most irish people have. Dont get me wrong though my parents are great.

I just want to be told whats wrong with me... I just hope the GP will be able to help or atleast point me in the right direction.

Thank you to any1 who reads this.

G

Malbranque420

Well, you're making the right call in going to your GP, sir.
I mean, I'm 29 and have been on and off Cipramil and Lexotan for the last four years. I spent years of my late teens/early to mid twenties playing the jack the lad, sleeping around, popping pills and being a prick just to disguise the fact I was miserable inside and hated myself, and I broke down for about a year, then went to my GP and he helped me greatly.
Just don't do or think about doing anything stupid. And by 'stupid' - you know what I mean. You're still a kid (no offence, I don't mean for that to sound patronising) and you got some of the best, and most self-discovering years ahead of you, so just talk to your GP and 'fess up completely. Tell him everything and he'll point you in the right direction.

TradLad

Hi Ammunition Magi,

Your post must have been hard for you to put togrther, it is totally honest and if I were you I owuld print it off and bring it to the doctor with you. People suffer (sometimes needlessly) from depression and they can take what sre supposed to be the best years of your life and turn them into hell. DOnt let this happen. You, and only you, can tackle this problem. As regards stigma, there is none anymore!! I (25 Y/O male) have had friends who have spent time in mental health facilities and have been innundated with all their mates callin and texting with good wishes etc.

Depression can be caused by something as simple as a deficiency / imbalance of chemicals in the brain which can be rectified often through medication. Other times talking through your thoughts / problems / actions with a professional can do the trick. It is amazing what a session with a psychologist can do. Its their job / profession and no matter what oyu have to tell them, they heard it before.

GO to your GP and spill your heart out. Tell him.her all the things that you dont want to even admit went through your mind. There is light, theres always light......

Think of all thats ahead, cos you have a future. Give yourself the chance to see it and enjoy. It takes one visit to the doctor to open the door to having a happy life. Dont let this infest you and take you over. I wish you every best wish and konw you can overcome it cos judging by your post, you intend to conquer it.

Ammunition_Magi

Thank you so so much Malbranque420 and TradLad,thanks for all the words and advice,it means a lot. I will take all of it onboard. . Tradlad,good idea i think i will print off my original post,it might help my open up while talking to the GP.

G

tbh

Hi am,

very brave post which will undoubtedly help others who may be reading and not posting. feel free to post whenever you like if it helps.

Latchy

Good for you OP to get it all out in here ,it does help to talk about it .Reading your post will also be some comfort and help to others in similar circumstances ,well done .