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Fed up parent!

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  • 03-09-2008 11:36am
    #1
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭


    I'm a single mum with a four year old daughter, I have just given up my part time job to return to full time education. Thing is every evening I collect my daughter and bring her home, she goes to bed about seven/eight and then I'm on my own. I'm not over fond of tv, I'm more of a chatty person and I used to play alot of sport before I had her. Now I just flick through the TV or play on the internet. I'm so fed up and lonely, nobody comes to visit and I can't leave the house, any suggestions? I've even considered moving back in with my parents but thats unfair on my girl and them. I only have a two bed house so I can't really rent a room out unless my girl sleeps in with me.


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    #2
    littlebitdull
    Closed Accounts Posts: 518 ✭✭✭littlebitdull


    Oh I totally feel for you. Its harder to make friends as an adult than ever.

    Would there be any chance of someone doing even one evening of babysitting for you to get out some evening and talk to another adult...even once a forthnight would at least give you something to look forward to.

    Have you any hobbies you dropped and could take back up - or learn something new - like knitting or such like - sounds silly I know but at least its something to do.

    Next year your little one will be in school herself and believe it or not this can open doors for you too.... there will be a chance to meet other parents and at least you will have your kids in common.

    I dont think moving back in with your parents or renting out a room are your answer. What if you ended up not getting on with your lodger - you would be only worse off than you are now.

    I bet there are hundreds of people in the same boat as you. Not that that is helping much at the moment.

    Join a club or society and get out at least sometimes. Phone someone in the evening. Find a sports club you can join early in the day that has a creche...

    Hang on in there ... this too will pass.


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    #3
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    Have you tried to find other mammies in your area?
    Maybe if there were some you could share babysitting or have them over for an evening?


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    #4
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    If you have the internet then you can acess differnt chat clients and keep in touch with people that way. Ok it's not the same as having someone in the same room but I would part of each evening talking and keeping in touch with friends in this manner.


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    #5
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭abi2007


    I spend most nights on the internet chatting to people, I do get out every couple of weeks, my mam babysits for me but only in her house so both myself and my daughter have to stay over. I did work part time but the reason i'm going back to full time ed is I couldn't stick all that time on my own. I asked lots of people to come visit me today so hopefully they'll listen. Hopefully when i start college next week i'll meet new people and i'll have alot of study to keep me occupied. how do you guys get babysitters? I put an add up but nobody replied. do you use a family member or agency?


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    #6
    Bally8
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,144 ✭✭✭Bally8


    I was in the same situation as you 5 years ago. I also lived alone with my 4 year old and returned to full time education but worked part time too. I spent alot of nights alone- I still do! And there were times where I was soooo miserable. But college will be great for you. These days there are lots of parents going to college and I was lucky enough to make friends with girls my own age with children too. Once you get into the studying you will be very busy and will have a great excuse to call others on your course to talk about college life and even have them over to study together.

    Good on you for inviting people to call over. I realised that no one would call unless I made it very clear I wanted visitors- people just assumed I was busy with Mommie type things. But if you le people know how you are feeling I'm sure they will make an effort to come over.


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    #7
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭abi2007


    well I tought there was no point moaning about it, I decided to be proactive. I'm really looking forward to college, I'm going into 4th year so hopefully I won't be the oldest in my class and i'll make new friends. God I feel like a little kid going to school for the first time and havin my mam tell me i'll make new friends:P


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    #8
    laurak265
    Closed Accounts Posts: 205 ✭✭laurak265


    abi2007 wrote: »
    I spend most nights on the internet chatting to people, I do get out every couple of weeks, my mam babysits for me but only in her house so both myself and my daughter have to stay over. I did work part time but the reason i'm going back to full time ed is I couldn't stick all that time on my own. I asked lots of people to come visit me today so hopefully they'll listen. Hopefully when i start college next week i'll meet new people and i'll have alot of study to keep me occupied. how do you guys get babysitters? I put an add up but nobody replied. do you use a family member or agency?

    Hi Abi i'm a single mum too and i know how you feel! Having children can be very lonely your not alone! I too went to college..only in the evenings but i tell ya i met some wonderful friends there and had some of the best laughs! We shared our kids stories and worked an studied together!!

    I found my babysitter by asking local women did they recommend anyone and they found me a babysitter!!

    Best of luck with college and fair play to you for furthering yourself! You should be very proud of yourself!


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    #9
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭LolaDub


    I'm a single mum too, i work part time and last year i was studying. I found all of that exhausting but no maintenance coming in so i can't afford to not work. Pretty much work is my only interaction with other people bar my mum. I usually have my mother or my aunt babysit. My brother will babysit if i'm nipping out for about a half hour, he refuses to change nappies! Where are you guys located? I'm in dublin.


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    #10
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭abi2007


    I'm in Balbriggan


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    #11
    ifah
    Registered Users Posts: 576 ✭✭✭ifah


    abi2007 wrote: »
    how do you guys get babysitters? I put an add up but nobody replied. do you use a family member or agency?

    Contact the owner of the local creche and ask would he/she mind if you asked some of the girls whether they would be interested in doing some sitting for you. You know these people are used to kids, have basic first aid and whatever other qualifications they require to work with children.


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    #12
    laurak265
    Closed Accounts Posts: 205 ✭✭laurak265


    Blessington, Co Wicklow!

    I think areas need mother and toddler group BUT in the evening time! Parents working cant' sit in m&T group at 10 in the morning! Think it would be good for the kids esp if there only children and for mums to socialise in the evening! I mean 6.30pm for an hour wouldn't be too taxing!


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    #13
    flynnc8
    Closed Accounts Posts: 410 ✭✭flynnc8


    Hey just reading this thread and as a single mum myself I was just thinking, would it not be good to organise a boards mother and child day out sometime...

    Like a trip to the plex and or the zoo etc... More then likely a few of us live in the same areas and will be a great way to meet new people as well as our children meeting new friends..

    I only work evenings and presume alot of us dont work during the day and have spare time on our hands..

    well just an idea!!!!


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    #14
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Alas the park meet up didn't happen due to the rotten weather, but sure please set up a parenting meet up thread and dont' forget the 20th boards beers is coming up at the end of
    Oct which is plenty of time for people to consider going and sorting out a sitter.


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    #15
    Gaspode
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional Midlands Moderators, Regional Midwest Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators, Regional North Mods, Regional West Moderators, Regional South East Moderators, Regional North East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators, Regional South Moderators Posts: 8,032 CMod ✭✭✭✭Gaspode


    laurak265 wrote: »
    Blessington, Co Wicklow!

    I think areas need mother and toddler group BUT in the evening time! Parents working cant' sit in m&T group at 10 in the morning! Think it would be good for the kids esp if there only children and for mums to socialise in the evening! I mean 6.30pm for an hour wouldn't be too taxing!

    Great idea.... why not aproach your local community hall and start it off yourself?


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    #16
    delly
    Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 7,683 Mod ✭✭✭✭delly


    Abi, have you tried the new playcentre on the southside of Balbriggan. We've gone a few times and had a ball, but I think it would be a good place to meet other mums for a chat etc.

    My wife is in a semi-similar situation at the moment. She doesn't drive and can go out of her head some days with the same routine every day. Lots of family members have said over and over again they'll call up, but never do.


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    #17
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭abi2007


    ifah wrote: »
    Contact the owner of the local creche and ask would he/she mind if you asked some of the girls whether they would be interested in doing some sitting for you. You know these people are used to kids, have basic first aid and whatever other qualifications they require to work with children.

    good idea.. thanks for that.


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