Odds and Ends

rocky25

A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment.

He submitted the following report to his editor.

"Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today.

She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."

The Editor scolded the new reporter,

"This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here.

Now go back and write something more appropiate!"

The young reporter thought long and hard.

Finally he handed the Editor the following report.

"Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today.

She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )

~~~~~~~~~~

How the media would handle the end of the world. (Next Wednesday)

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD.

Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends.

National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, Together Again.

Inc. Magazine: 10 Ways You Can Profit From the Apocalypse.

Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour.

Sports Illustrated: Game Over.

Playboy: Girls of the Apocalypse.

Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgment Day with Our New "Armageddon" Diet!

TV Guide: Death and Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!

Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life as we know it affect the way we view the cosmos?

Microsoft Systems Journal: Netscape Loses Market Share.

Microsoft's Web Site: If you don't experience the rapture, DOWNLOAD software patch RAPT777.EXE.

America OnLine: System temporarily down. Try calling back in 15 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Deep Thoughts.

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to a mosque doesn't make you a Muslim any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel faster through the mail than checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How to cook popcorn with your Mobile Phone,

http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/portable/video/x5odhh_pop-corn-telephone-portable-microon_news

Hagar

If you're emptying out a drawer full of odds and ends, when you get down to the last item in the drawer is it an odd or an end? I've also has a similar problem with a box full of bits and bobs.