Ring problem

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I've noticed from reading this thread that men seem to have a huge resentment towards wearing a wedding band.
They argue that they do not need to prove their commitment to their wife by having towear one.

Why the big deal lads? Do you think it symbolises a "ball and chain" situation that your wife has over you?!

Is it a rebellious thing? That you shouldn't have to do just because tradition says so.
Is it an anti-religious thing where you don't want to adhere to the churches customs?

To be honest, the comfort excuse is a load of krap. If I strapped a bike lock to your neck you'd get used to it after a week or so.
A wedding band is no different and the wearer won't notice it after some time. Its bairly visible either so I wouldnt worry about it ruining your fashionable look.
Also, in most jobs wearing a band shouldn't cause a hazard to the wearer.

I'm unmarried but in a long term realtionship. I don't wear any jewellery because, like previously said, I don't think it suits most men and also the comfort reason.

However if I was to wed my girlfriend, I would happily wear the wedding band. Not because she wants me to but because I would be proud to. Wearing a wedding band not only is a pleasant reminder of your loved one but it also expresses to others that your in a commited relationship.

I just don't see what the big deal is lads.
:rolleyes:

Hagar

Why can't you just accept it?

Nevyn

Manties wrote: »

Dont forget, as girls you are brough up wearing jewelery.

Eh no, I sure as hell wasn't and neither were any of my sisters.

View Profile wrote: »

I've noticed from reading this thread that men seem to have a huge resentment towards wearing a wedding band.
They argue that they do not need to prove their commitment to their wife by having towear one.

I am not a bloke and I still agree with that

View Profile wrote: »

Is it a rebellious thing? That you shouldn't have to do just because tradition says so.

I have a lot of time for useful traditions, not mindless ones.

View Profile wrote: »

Is it an anti-religious thing where you don't want to adhere to the churches customs?

There are more religions then just christian church ones, if I ever get married there will not be a church, but I am not anti religious.

View Profile wrote: »

To be honest, the comfort excuse is a load of krap. If I strapped a bike lock to your neck you'd get used to it after a week or so.
A wedding band is no different and the wearer won't notice it after some time. Its bairly visible either so I wouldnt worry about it ruining your fashionable look.
Also, in most jobs wearing a band shouldn't cause a hazard to the wearer.

If it impares my functionality I won't wear it and a ring impares my ability to type and to play piano so I don't wear one and would not wear a wedding band regularly either.

View Profile wrote: »

However if I was to wed my girlfriend, I would happily wear the wedding band. Not because she wants me to but because I would be proud to. Wearing a wedding band not only is a pleasant reminder of your loved one but it also expresses to others that your in a commited relationship.

So she would not be in your thoughts with out it ?
Only married relationships are committed ones ?

View Profile wrote: »

I just don't see what the big deal is lads.
:rolleyes:

It's not a big deal for you it is for others.

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Btw, I like the idea about a wedding watch.

While the bride gets an expensive dress custom made and the groom a grubby rented Black-Tie tux, I think the man should get a watch of similar value to the dress.:D

My choice......

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Hagar wrote: »

Why can't you just accept it?

May be i'm just old fashioned and I like the romantic idea of having a ring to display your love towards your wife.

Zaph

View Profile wrote: »

I've noticed from reading this thread that men seem to have a huge resentment towards wearing a wedding band.
They argue that they do not need to prove their commitment to their wife by having towear one.

I don't think that's the case at all. Some guys have no problem wearing rings, I know a great many who do. Equally there are some who don't, for whatever reason. I don't think it's any different to the fact that some women like wearing certain types of jewellery, earrings, for example, and some don't. Sure, earrings don't have the same symbolic value as a wedding ring, but I wouldn't be insisting that my wife wear a pair if she doesn't like wearing them. I'm not a big fan of rings on guys in general, but as I'm single and not likely to be married anytime in the near future, it's not something I have to give much thought to. As for the watch idea, I know a couple of guys who hate the idea of wearing a watch. They both wear wedding rings though, so it's different strokes for different folks.

Hagar

But I gave her one to wear with a few big fat diamonds on it.
How romantic do you want?

I ask nothing for myself and you won't even leave me with that.

Zaph

View Profile wrote: »

May be i'm just old fashioned and I like the romantic idea of having a ring to display your love towards your wife.

Actually it's not that old-fashioned at all. My parents were married in the mid 60s, and while my father wears a signet ring on his wedding ring finger, it was rare enough for men to wear wedding rings at all back then.

View Profile

So she would not be in your thoughts with out it ?

I think your being pedantic here Thaedydal. Of course she would. No more than a photo in my wallet would remind me of her. It's nice to have these reminders around.

Only married relationships are committed ones ?

Of course not. But it is easy to notice that someone is in a relationship if they're wearing a wedding band/ring.

There are more religions then just christian church ones, if I ever get married there will not be a church, but I am not anti religious.

Wedding rings arn't exclusive to Christanity, they arn't exclusive to religion actually. They are a symbol of union, a bond betwwen two people.

smares

View Profile wrote: »

May be i'm just old fashioned and I like the romantic idea of having a ring to display your love towards your wife.

Exactly,why bother say your vows while exchanging rings when your husband is going to take it off the next day thats no way romantic,the whole point of it is you wear it for the rest of your life

I don't think exchanging watches is romantic at all. Not that I believe this old saying but giving a watch to someone is meant to stand for time up on the relationship or something to that effect!!

Kotick

Crumble Froo wrote: »

i've known a few people who did the tattoo ring, or a tattoo somewhere obvious instead of a wedding ring... one of those couples broke up after she was sleeping around, and god, it is not easy for the dude to handle having to see that ink on him so often.

i know marriage itself isnt a situation to take lightly, but ink related to marriage is even less so.

Oh no, I agree. My comment was in jest really. :P

My oldest sister and her husband have their bands tattooed on. I think it's ridiculous, especially since I think they both secretly hate each other. Honestly I think they just stay together because now they have a kid.

Getting a tattoo of someone's name or a wedding band really isn't a good idea imo. Sure your love is strong now but you don't know what the future holds.

what2do??

smares wrote: »

giving a watch to someone is meant to stand for time up on the relationship or something to that effect!!

I actually heard this before but personally don't believe a word of it.

I think it is up to the individual but OP you sound like you love romance and are set in the old fashioned view of wearing a ring to show commitment for eternity that's sweet but probably not realistic these days.

Maybe a certain type of watch not just any watch but you could bring out a range that are only for weddings:D:D

Zaph

what2do?? wrote: »

Maybe a certain type of watch not just any watch but you could bring out a range that are only for weddings:D:D

How about something tasteful like this? If it's good enough for royalty...

Piste

I tihnk rings are nice because they're small and dainty, but if my husband didn't want to wear one it really wouldn't bother me.

laurak265

I would want my hubbie to wear his weddin band. It is a part of the wedding ceremony after all because its a symbol of never ending love...No lines or corners just an never ending circle of love!!

randylonghorn

Silverfish wrote: »

What about being forced to accept your husband won't wear his wedding ring?

I'd like if I got married, that we would both wear our rings, I wouldn't like my husband forcing me to accept something I'd be unhappy or uncomfortable with, especially if he used the 'You women, you're all the same' excuse thats so frequently trotted out by men, when they have nothing else to use.

So how about this, I'll give in and wear the wedding ring, and in return I'll insist that she changes her surname and uses mine, whether she likes it or not? :pac:

Seriously, I won't be wearing a ring (see reasons here), but I won't be asking my wife to change her name either (unless of course she wants to herself).

In my experience, the best relationships don't include demands ... and then when considerate people offer because they know it will please the other, it means even more!

Silverfish

randylonghorn wrote: »

So how about this, I'll give in and wear the wedding ring, and in return I'll insist that she changes her surname and uses mine, whether she likes it or not? :pac:

Seriously, Viri, I won't be wearing a ring (see reasons here), but I won't be asking my wife to change her name either (unless of course she wants to herself).

In my experience, the best relationships don't include demands ... and then when considerate people offer because they know it will please the other, it means even more!

Fair play.

Forgot that point too. If I'm changing my name he'll wear the damn ring every day or he'll be pooping it out every 6-8 hours.

Unless he's an electrician, professional goalkeeper, welder, scaffolder, heart surgeon, or has a past experience causing him to have an unearthly fear of rings.

Aisling(",)

my dad dosent wear his wedding ring because hes a carpenter and the two dont mix very well.he used to wear it when they were going out to dinner or to a pub or whatever but now his fingers are too big to wear it since they gt bigger over the 40 years.

id wear a wedding ring myself just because im a magpie and like shiny things but it wouldnt bother me if my husband didnt.id like it for the ceremony though but if he wasnt comfortable with it id not push it.

Silverfish

Aisling(",) wrote: »

my dad dosent wear his wedding ring because hes a carpenter and the two dont mix very well.he used to wear it when they were going out to dinner or to a pub or whatever but now his fingers are too big to wear it since they gt bigger over the 40 years.

id wear a wedding ring myself just because im a magpie and like shiny things but it wouldnt bother me if my husband didnt.id like it for the ceremony though but if he wasnt comfortable with it id not push it.

Will you be changing your name to his?

Aisling(",)

probably..if i like his name.why?

that being said ill prob not be getting married for at least 10 years if ever

LolaLuv

randylonghorn wrote: »

So how about this, I'll give in and wear the wedding ring, and in return I'll insist that she changes her surname and uses mine, whether she likes it or not? :pac:

Seriously, I won't be wearing a ring (see reasons here), but I won't be asking my wife to change her name either (unless of course she wants to herself).

In my experience, the best relationships don't include demands ... and then when considerate people offer because they know it will please the other, it means even more!

As I was reading this thread I was trying to absorb the points everyone was making so I could figure out how I felt about the topic, and this totally hit home. I don't want to change my name for a man, so why should he have to wear a ring?

I agree there's a certain romance to wearing a ring, but it would wear off very quickly and the relationship honestly shouldn't be affected by a little piece of jewelry. I think the problem in many of the female users' minds is that if a man doesn't wear a ring it's somehow a lack of commitment. Is that the case? Tbh the only way I'll get married is if I feel that I'll still be able to maintain a lot of personal freedom, and I think rings would get in the way of that. I think it would feel a bit like a ball and chain, as someone else suggested.

Silverfish

So what if he expects you to take his name, yet he doesn't want to wear the ring?

What if, after you've changed your name to his, and gone through all the hassle of doing so, he decides he doesn't like rings and won't wear it?

Iago

Silverfish wrote: »

So what if he expects you to take his name, yet he doesn't want to wear the ring?

What if, after you've changed your name to his, and gone through all the hassle of doing so, he decides he doesn't like rings and won't wear it?

Are you really suggesting that a marraige should be tit for tat? I've seen a lot of posts in this sub-forum and for the most part the posts that are, for want of a better word, militant in nature, generally come from women who aren't married or aren't in long-term relationships that look like they're leading to marraige. The reality is that once you find yourself in that situation with someone you care that much about, you quickly realise that all those details that you thought were important don't really mean anything at all in the greater scheme of things.

A surname, whether or not you wear a piece of metal on your finger, the fact that your partner farts in front of you or has big feet/hairy toes or whatever, none of that matters. You're with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you feel comfortable every second you're with them and even though you sometimes argue or fight you both know it's only temporary and that it doesn't impact on what you feel for each other. Feeling that wanted, that loved and with the awareness that your partner gets the same in return is what matters.

Everything else is just details.


edit: Just an anecdotal story on name changing. I know a couple of girls who use the whole name change issue to "extort" material goods from their husbands. "If he wants me to change my name then he'll have to buy me X" "If he wants me to change my name then he'll have to bring me to Y"

I have no idea why anyone would enter a marraige if everything was going to be used as a bargining tool rather than working together.

Silverfish

No I'm not, if you read my post carefully, you'll see it was a question, not an opinion.
And I would see it as more 'give and take' than 'tit for tat' if it was me.

I don't need lectures on relationships, but if none of it matters, the surname, the piece of metal, then why bother get married? What are people who get married trying to prove?

The predominant attitude on this thread to the OP/etc seems to be 'How dare you ask your husband to wear his wedding ring that's disgraceful'.

But if none of it means anything... the rings, the piece of paper, her surname..... then why bother get married at all? What's it for?

Nevyn

You can change your name back.

Nevyn

There are a list of legal and other benefits to being married that and some people want a 'day out'.

Silverfish

Thaedydal wrote: »

There are a list of legal and other benefits to being married that and some people want a 'day out'.

So its not really about the love at all at the end of the day for a lot of people?

Kinda what I thought already.

Iago

Silverfish wrote: »

No I'm not, if you read my post carefully, you'll see it was a question, not an opinion.

I don't need lectures on relationships, but if none of it matters, the surname, the piece of metal, then why bother get married? What are people who get married trying to prove?

The predominant attitude on this thread to the OP/etc seems to be 'How dare you ask your husband to wear his wedding ring that's disgraceful'.

But if none of it means anything... the rings, the piece of paper, her surname..... then why bother get married at all? What's it for?

Why do people get married? Well I can't talk as to other people but I can answer from my point of view although I'm not sure that'll clear up anything for you. Mostly because it's hard to put into words the emotions and driving force behind them.

To be honest I never thought I'd get married, I had been in two long term (4 year+) relationships which both ended because it was getting to the stage of get married or walk away. I was never comfortable with the idea of "forever", I mean how do you know you're still going to be with someone in 10 years time? that you'll still love them as much as you do now? The short answer is that you don't, and it requires a leap of faith to see that happening. As for me, I'm a very logical and scientific person, faith isn't something that's ever got a strong hold on me. So for those reasons I was never comfortable with the idea of marraige, I used to be quite vocal with friends

"why get married? It's only a piece of paper and an excuse for others to get drunk at your expense for a day"

"How do you know this is the person you want to spend your life with? How can you be sure you won't meet someone else who you'll want more?"

Then I met my wife, and it all changed. The only way I can explain it is to say that I couldn't imagine waking up without her beside me. I couldn't imagine going back to the life I had before I met her, and so when we discussed marraige and she intimated that it was something she wanted there was no turning back. We got married because we wanted that bond, that feeling that you have given yourself over to someone completely, that you trust them implicitly and you know that no matter what happens they will always be there for you.

I still don't know for sure the answers to the questions above, but I know that I'll spend every day doing my best to show her how much I love her and how wonderful she is, and I trust her to do the same. So that's why we got married.

Nevyn

Takes a lot more then love to make a long term relationship work, esp if you are looking to get legally entangled.

Silverfish

Not really what I meant, but that was lovely, and thanks for sharing it.

laurak265

Thaedydal wrote: »

Takes a lot more then love to make a long term relationship work, esp if you are looking to get legally entangled.

If you don't have love you have nothing!! I wouldn't marry anyone that i didn't love just cos all the other criteria match! Any relationship that doesn't have romance or dates even after your married or waking up beside someone that you just have to have there and then wont work. So really in my belief its true love that does make it work!

Nevyn

I didn't say love was not a factor but there are others which if they are also missing then things will not work out long term.

Dragan

Silverfish wrote: »

No I'm not, if you read my post carefully, you'll see it was a question, not an opinion.
And I would see it as more 'give and take' than 'tit for tat' if it was me.

I don't need lectures on relationships, but if none of it matters, the surname, the piece of metal, then why bother get married? What are people who get married trying to prove?

The predominant attitude on this thread to the OP/etc seems to be 'How dare you ask your husband to wear his wedding ring that's disgraceful'.

But if none of it means anything... the rings, the piece of paper, her surname..... then why bother get married at all? What's it for?

In fairness people can only give their own answers to that one, it's hard to imagine the reasons why other people would get married.

For me, it would be as simple as i have met the woman that i want to spend my life with and been fortunate enough that she feels the same about me.

Will i wear the ring? Sure. Will she take my name? No idea,i'll ask her when i meet her.

Splinter

really really interesting topic and i'm glad this came up. personally i'm a silly romantic at heart, i'd love to wear a wedding ring but whenever i put a ring on my finger and its in anyway tight i start to panic and freak out as if im claustrophic. so for that reason i may not be wearing one if i get married but i would like to. But if my wife to be was to insist that i wear a ring then i would be reconsidering us in general, i shouldnt need to do something everyday that i dont enjoy because she wishes it, just like on the flipside i wouldnt ask her to do it if she didnt. although i would like her to wear one, i would never insist

Anti

Why bother getting married. Good question actually.

Why bother spending 25k+ on a wedding is a better question. Let me explain why.

That 25k, or more these days is a hell of alot of money to most people. Its a 10% deposit on a house, its money in the bank for your future. So why let other people piss it against a wall? Sure they get a great day out of it, but how stressed out is the bride going to be(i only mention the bride, as all the groom really has to do is turn up and be on his best behaviour). Hair, makeup and making sure the weird, perverted uncle isnt groping any of her friends. The stress is huge on the atypical church/hotel wedding. I can understand the bride wanting her family and close friends around for the big day, but why not spend a quater of the money and fly your parents and closest friends off to some sunny location and get married on a beach? Chances are it will probably rain in ireland on yoru wedding day anyway !

But at the end of the day, if my OH wants the traditional church wedding...I'm fine with it. I just think its a mad waste of money.

Silverfish

Manties in rare 'spot on' shocker!

Sherifu

:eek:

Dragan

Personally i'm getting married in a Registry Office, then Vegas and Elvis.

Awesome.

Red Hand

Dragan wrote: »

Personally i'm getting married in a Registry Office, then Vegas and Elvis.

Awesome.

You're getting married in a registry office, in Vegas, and then INSIDE Elvis? Cool! Hope it doesn't hurt him...:) Use vaseline.

My Dad, it seems, "lost" his wedding ring at the beach shortly after getting married. He hated wearing jewellery...my Mom used to have to actually force him to wear a wristwatch if they were going out for a drink.

Anti

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

You're getting married in a registry office, in Vegas, and then INSIDE Elvis? Cool! Hope it doesn't hurt him...:) Use vaseline.

My Dad, it seems, "lost" his wedding ring at the beach shortly after getting married. He hated wearing jewellery...my Mom used to have to actually force him to wear a wristwatch if they were going out for a drink.

See i love watches, i have loads of them. Id love a wedding watch, but chances are its going to be a pretty damn expensive watch. Not something you can wear every day.... The instead of " why arn't you wearing your ring", its going to be " after all that fuss about that *%$£"£$( watch, you arnt even wearing it"

Dudess

I don't think my dad ever wore his wedding ring.

The folks are married 37 years now though. My mum has always worn her engagement and wedding rings (don't think she's gone a day without wearing them) and yet, of the two individuals, I'd say she'd be the one more likely to be unfaithful (not saying I have reason to believe this, but if I was pressured into saying so, yep, I could imagine her straying for a toy boy... )

My dad's super old-skool, don't think he'd even look at another woman. And yet he doesn't comply with that old tradition - probably cuz he just doesn't like the feel of rings.

CathyMoran

My husband hates jewlery of any kind but we compromised when it came to being married - both him and I wear a plain band of gold and I did take his name in the end. It did take a while for him to get used to it but he is fine with it now. I must admit that it was important to me - I wear a sign of commitment to him (my wedding and enagement ring) and feel that it is only fair that he should do the same.

In terms of why I married him - well, I love him and want the world to know that we are a family together. We did not have a big day out, it was about being married, not getting married and it still is, I love every day I have with him and have never taken him for granted.