Some Quickies

rocky25

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her.

"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter Doctor?

I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.

It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while now.

Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curls up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire.

Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of the cabinet, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him.

"Here, take this and go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight and remember that this happens only once.

Ok?

Don't think about it again."

The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly.

A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife and says with much disappointment:

"She said this is not enough, she wants sixty."

The wife's face slowly turns red with anger:

"Damn that bitch,

when she was pregnant and her husband came over here...I only charged him fifty."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost.

This year, he told his friend David, he wasn't going to bother and enter.

"What kind of attitude is that?" David asked.

He leaned closer and whispered,

"What you need, pal, is faith.

Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message."

Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared.

Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God.

Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher's pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down.

She wasn't wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow.

All of a sudden, a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a notepad.

The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.

Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.

A few minutes later, the drawing was held.

And once again, Paul lost.



The winning number was 707....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bride tells her husband,

"Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't knowanything about sex.

Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart.

Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.

So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile,

"Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says,

"Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head,

He YELLS at her,

"Hey, its not a life sentence,

OKAY!

patmac

Excellent jokes again Rocky.

fred funk }{

me liked the '707' one the best