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Thursday Quickies

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  • 18-09-2008 10:29am
    #1
    rocky25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭


    THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2007:

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.

    Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death.

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.

    War Dims Hope for Peace.

    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.

    Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.

    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge.

    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft.

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.

    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.

    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.

    And the winner is....

    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~

    A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

    The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked,

    "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,

    why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

    So the boy asked the stewardess,

    "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,

    why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The stewardess responded,

    "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

    The boy admitted that this was the case.

    "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time.

    Your mother can explain that to you."

    ~~~~~~~~~

    A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone.

    So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid.

    Then she wrote a note saying,

    "If you ever want to see your child again,

    leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park."

    then she signed it 'THE BLONDE' and told the kid to give it to his mom.

    The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag.

    It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said,

    "How could you do this to another blonde?"

    ~~~~~~~~~~
    A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.

    After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed.

    So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.

    The man called over to his wife,

    "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."

    So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband.

    On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.

    The husband with a concerned look on his face says,

    "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"

    The woman gets up and enters the man's bed.

    The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out.

    As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.

    The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says,

    "Clumsy idiot."


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