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Seeking maintence

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    #32
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Again, if you believe that women can retain the right to choose to supersede the child's 'rights' through abortion or adoption, then most would find it hard to overlook the double standard and take you seriously.


    I really find it hard to understand your detachment.
    This is a child... the fathers and mothers flesh and blood..

    Your argument is well presented and your points are very valid.

    But in my eyes I dont see them as "The right thing to do".

    Could you walk away from your child, corinthian?


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    #33
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    That arguement is better suited to humanities.


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    #34
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Quality wrote: »
    I really find it hard to understand your detachment.
    This is a child... the fathers and mothers flesh and blood..
    Which brings us back then to the question, would you then support a woman's right to 'walk away' from their child? You've repeatedly avoided responding to this.

    You can't have it both ways and keep the moral high ground.
    But in my eyes I dont see them as "The right thing to do".
    "The right thing to do" is a dangerous concept if you don't question and examine why it is "the right thing to do".

    After all, if keeping a child (rather than putting it up for adoption) means it will grow up with only one parent and with greatly reduced income, is that "the right thing to do" for the child? If you were to coldly consider the best interests of the child, an adoptive environment would win out in many (not all) cases. So, who's interests are actually being served?


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    #35
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    That arguement is better suited to humanities.
    Maybe, but given that it's populated mainly by twenty-something males, I don't think I'd get much of an argument...


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    #36
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Which brings us back then to the question, would you then support a woman's right to 'walk away' from their child? You've repeatedly avoided responding to this.

    You can't have it both ways and keep the moral high ground.

    "The right thing to do" is a dangerous concept if you don't question and examine why it is "the right thing to do".

    After all, if keeping a child (rather than putting it up for adoption) means it will grow up with only one parent and with greatly reduced income, is that "the right thing to do" for the child? If you were to coldly consider the best interests of the child, an adoptive environment would win out in many (not all) cases. So, who's interests are actually being served?


    I have already stated that abortion and adoption would never be an option for me.

    And why are you bringing up adoption and abortion anyway.. As usual someone has asked a question on maintenance and you have dragged it off topic with your one man crusade to free fathers from there legal obligation of supporting their children?!?


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    #37
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Which brings us back then to the question, would you then support a woman's right to 'walk away' from their child? You've repeatedly avoided responding to this.

    You can't have it both ways and keep the moral high ground.

    "The right thing to do" is a dangerous concept if you don't question and examine why it is "the right thing to do".

    After all, if keeping a child (rather than putting it up for adoption) means it will grow up with only one parent and with greatly reduced income, is that "the right thing to do" for the child? If you were to coldly consider the best interests of the child, an adoptive environment would win out in many (not all) cases. So, who's interests are actually being served?


    I have already stated that abortion and adoption would never be an option for me.


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    #38
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Quality wrote: »
    I have already stated that abortion and adoption would never be an option for me.
    I didn't ask if it's what you'd choose - I asked if you supported other women to choose.
    Quality wrote: »
    I have already stated that abortion and adoption would never be an option for me.
    Even if adoption was in the better interests of the child? Interesting...


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    #39
    Bally8
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,144 ✭✭✭Bally8


    Hi OP. I would be in a similar situation to you. I got pregnant at 19 and have raised my child on my own without any input from her father. In my case we did use protection but I got pregnant anyway. I was devastated - didnt have a maternal bone in my body- but knew that I would keep the baby. The father promised me the sun moon and stars but after a few weeks he disappeared off the face of the planet and hasnt been seen since.

    If you are doing ok financially I cant understand why you are dragging him into the equation again if he doesnt want to be involved. I think its so sad that your childs father does not want anything to do with him/her. It upsets me so much when my daugther asks me why doesnt her daddy want to see her. And I cant understand how someone can live their lives knowing they have a child and never contacting them.

    In my situtation I used to say that if my daughters dad ever came back I would firstly call my solicitor and fight him for all those years of lost maintenance and then see about him seeing her. As the years have gone on though and I have mellowed or maybe matured about it all, I think if he came back I would be delighted for my daughter as her questions about him would finally be answered. We do ok here so I dont need a penny from him.

    Sorry to waffle on but my point is that if you are doing so well financially why go through the drama of chasing your childs dad for money? Is it really worth all the stress?


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    #40
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Maybe, but given that it's populated mainly by twenty-something males, I don't think I'd get much of an argument...

    Well at least start another thread please.
    Yes the range of responses will be different here given the community of posters but the this forum is not the place for the same style 'robust' debate and dissection of posts as in humanities due to the fact it is such an emotive topic for those who post here.


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    #41
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    User21027 wrote: »
    I have just started to take my sons father to couirt after 7 yrs of ignoring us. I've no interest in him at all, but he's my sons father. I have to raise 390 Euro to pay for half of the DNA testing. Your solicitor can request your local GP to get a kit. It's usually E210 per person and then your Doc can charge you a fee also for doing it. Me and him have to pay 50/50. I cant get back-money either even though he knew from the get-go he was his dad. I can only hope for 6 months back money at best. Think E150 is the max allowed per child per week at the minute. I have my own brand new 3 bed semi, my own car etc so it's all for his son. I dont need his money. But the least he can do is pay for his son, if he's not interested in ever seeing him/meeting him. A**hole like that is not missed from a child's life... Not all us girls are money hungry and i hate th egirls that refuse to let a guy see his kids as a weapon. Cows give u sall a bad name. Good luck lads..

    Don't think anybody has asked this:

    WHY, OH WHY, has it taken 7 years to ask? :confused:

    Has all this resentment being building up for 7 years?
    Bally8 wrote: »
    Hi OP. I would be in a similar situation to you. I got pregnant at 19 and have raised my child on my own without any input from her father. In my case we did use protection but I got pregnant anyway. I was devastated - didnt have a maternal bone in my body- but knew that I would keep the baby. The father promised me the sun moon and stars but after a few weeks he disappeared off the face of the planet and hasnt been seen since.

    If you are doing ok financially I cant understand why you are dragging him into the equation again if he doesnt want to be involved. I think its so sad that your childs father does not want anything to do with him/her. It upsets me so much when my daugther asks me why doesnt her daddy want to see her. And I cant understand how someone can live their lives knowing they have a child and never contacting them.

    In my situtation I used to say that if my daughters dad ever came back I would firstly call my solicitor and fight him for all those years of lost maintenance and then see about him seeing her. As the years have gone on though and I have mellowed or maybe matured about it all, I think if he came back I would be delighted for my daughter as her questions about him would finally be answered. We do ok here so I dont need a penny from him.

    Sorry to waffle on but my point is that if you are doing so well financially why go through the drama of chasing your childs dad for money? Is it really worth all the stress?

    Bally8 has put it better than I could.

    PS. I've seen the abortion debate on this and other sites. Yes, it's unfair on fathers who want one and the mother doesn't. However, we do not have the right to force a woman to have an abortion against her will and if it ever came to court I'd fight against it.

    Main reason, the amount of damage it would do fathers, mothers would be scared s***less if a court gave a father the right to force a mother to have, or NOT have, a child.

    Similarly, a mother can't force a Dad to be a father until he wishes to face up to it and take the responsibility.

    Moral of the story: Be extra careful with contraception whether it's a one niter, casual or a serious relationship!

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



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    #42
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Well at least start another thread please.
    Yes the range of responses will be different here given the community of posters but the this forum is not the place for the same style 'robust' debate and dissection of posts as in humanities due to the fact it is such an emotive topic for those who post here.
    Very well, although given Quality's avoidance of the point I was making I doubt if you'll get much 'robust' debate. It would raise too many awkward questions for a few single mothers I suspect.


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    #43
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Very well, although given Quality's avoidance of the point I was making I doubt if you'll get much 'robust' debate. It would raise too many awkward questions for a few single mothers I suspect.

    I am avoiding to post because I have been in trouble in the past for posting off topic, after being warned to stay on topic...

    Perhaps you should take thaeds advice and post in humanities.. I am sure I can find your post over there...

    Then I may consider to take you seriously.:)


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