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Quick One's

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  • 19-09-2008 9:46am
    #1
    rocky25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭


    A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,

    "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

    She replied,

    "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

    "No," he said,

    "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

    "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

    "I mean," he continued,

    "What are your relations like?"

    "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

    He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

    "No," she replied,

    "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

    "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

    "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

    "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

    "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

    Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,

    "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

    "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied.

    "I've never wanted a divorce.

    My husband does.

    He said he can't communicate with me!"

    ~~~~~~~~~
    A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.

    She said, But we don't know anything about each other.

    He said, That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.

    So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

    One morning they were laying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer.

    This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

    After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

    She said, That was incredible!

    He said, I used to be an Olympic diving champion.

    You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along.

    So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps.

    After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.

    He said, That was incredible!

    Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?

    No. she said,

    I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.


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