Sat Quickies

rocky25 · 20-09-2008 6:59pm #1

A bloke goes into the chemist's and says 'I'd like a chamber pot please'.

The assistant says 'Sorry, we don't sell them. Have you tried Boots?'.

The bloke says 'I have but the piss runs out of the laceholes'.

~~~~~~~~~

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 pm when he finds a tasty looking blonde standing in front of a shredding machine with a piece of paper in her hand.

"Excuse me," says the blonde,

"It’s my first day and my boss says this document is very is important.

Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," says the young executive.

He turns the machine on, inserts the paper and presses the start button.

"Oh, thank you!" says the blonde as the paper disappears inside the machine,

"I just need one copy."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Q & A

Q. How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
A. When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.

Q. What's a diaphragm?
A. A trampoline for dickheads.

Q. What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
A. Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.

Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. They are both used as substitute meat.

Q. What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A. A tearjerker.

Q. What's the difference between medium and rare?
A. 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Q. How is a woman like a road?
A. Both have manholes.

Q. What's the definition of a vagina?
A. The box a penis comes in.

Q. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A. A scrotum pole!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks.

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
You’re Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
You’re Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
You’re Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (does not include White Zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
You’re Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more
years...Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.

Drink: White Gin
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
You’re approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...

Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk and naked.
You’re Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

Additional note: If she likes salt on the rim of her Margarita, she swallows.