Sunday Quickies

rocky25 · 21-09-2008 9:10am #1

A blind guy walks into a lumber yard and asks for a job.

The boss says, but your blind what good would you possibly be to me, you would be putting yourself at risk here.

So the blind guy says well put me on the counter sales.

The boss says ok I’ll give you a job if you can identify three pieces of wood without touching them.

The blind guy agrees.

So the boss lays down a length of timber on the counter and the blind guy sniff’s it from one end to the other.

That’s teak three foot long at 4x2.

The boss is taken aback at this & lays down another piece.

Same again the blind guy sniffs the wood from end to end & says that’s oak five foot four long at 3x2.

Jesus the boss thinks I’m going to have to employ this guy if I don’t outfox him this time.

So the boss goes into the office where his wife was working as his secretary.

He explains the situation to her & asks her to strip naked and lie on the counter assuring her that the guy is blind & won’t be able to see her anyway.

So the wife strips off and lies down on the counter very quietly.

The blind guy comes in & sniffs her from head to toe.

I’m not sure about this bit he say’s can you turn it over please.

So the wife is turned over & she is sniffed again.

After a while the blind guy says, right I’ve got it.

It’s a toilet door from a tuna fishing boat.

He got the job.

~~~~~~~~~~

SO eventually, the Yanks find Bin Laden, and George Bush goes out to visit him.

In the cave in deepest Afghanistan, Bin Laden is sitting in a chair with three push buttons on the arm.

During the discussion, Bin Laden presses a button and a fist comes out of the chair and punches Bush on the nose.

He decides to ignore it.

Later on, Bin Laden presses another button and a boot comes out and kicks Bush on the shins.

Again, in the name of diplomacy, Bush pretends it never happened.

Finally, Bin Laden pressed the third button and a sandbag whaps Bush on the head.

He snaps and shouts "This is outrageous.

We will continue this discussion in the Oval Office."

After many shenanigans, Bin Laden arrives at the White House.

Bush is seated at an armchair with three buttons on the arm.

During the discussion, Bush presses one of the buttons.

Bin Laden ducks, but nothing happens.

Later, Bush presses another button.

Nothing happens, but Bush starts to snigger.

Later still, Bush presses the last button and bursts into laughter.
Bin Laden is offended and shouts

"This is outrageous, I return to Afghanistan at once."

To which Bush replies.

"Afghanistan?

What Afghanistan?”

~~~~~~~~~~

As a result of the growing number of foreigners arriving in the UK they now have,

THE IMMIGRANT CHANNEL

Headlining with the following great shows:

Currynation Street

Ahmed-dale

Bollyoaks

Middle-east Enders

Britain's got Taliban

I'm an immigrant get me in here

and for our Israeli friends

Scooby Jew