Access at Weekends

Beatlebum

Just wondering what setup other single parents have for weekends.

i currently take my child everysaturday afternoon to monday morning. This means i have absolutely no chance to go anywhere at the weekend so i'm proposing doing friday evening to monday morning every 2nd week and every other week having her with me for a few hours on sunday evening. Fair??? Anyway, what's ur setup?

tubbymummy

So your propsing to cut your access so YOU can have a social life??? are you having a laugh!Why cant you just get a babysitter for a night you want to go out, or as your childs mother to possibly take her back on a night you want to go out? Is she an unreasonable person??

My setup is my x collects my ds from schol everyday at 3 and then I collect him at 5 after i finish work(mon, tues and thurs), he has him till 7pm on a wednesday and he stays over every friday night back home at 8 pm on a saturday and then every 3rd weekend he is back at 8pm on a sunday (but now its winter and he is nack to school its now 7pm )

If i want to go out and its not my x's sat night to have him ill ask him to keep him or ill ask my parents or brother but more than likely my x takes him as he has just moved house and doesnt have much money, same goes that if my x is going out on a fri or a sat he has ds then he asks me or more than likely he gets his mother as he doesnt like sending him home just so he can go out cos then he wont get to see him on a sunday IYKWIM!

Hope that makes sense!! Please dont cut your access to your daughter, you will regret it. Find a babysitter, ask family, or just ask x and say that you'll collect her the following morning??!!

Beatlebum

Firstly, there is no way my ex would ever swap her saturday for my friday if i wanted to go out.
Secondly, i'm not cutting the amount of time i see my daughter, just chaning it from every sat and sun night to every second fri, sat and sun night and every other sunday evening.
Thirdly, my parents already do a lot for me with regards to my daughter so i dont want to always be asking them. Also, i might not be living near them for much longer.
Fourthly, this way my ex will get to spend a full day with her daughter rather than just putting her to bed after school and seeing her until saturday afternoon.
Fifthly, the weekends i have her will be better because i'll have 2 whole days with her which would be better if i wanted to go somewhere with her

Nevyn

You have to hammer it out with your ex, there had to be a way to have balance for you both having a life and time off and a stable and reglular routine for your daughter.

stovelid

tubbymummy wrote: »

So your propsing to cut your access so YOU can have a social life??? are you having a laugh!Why cant you just get a babysitter for a night you want to go out, or as your childs mother to possibly take her back on a night you want to go out? Is she an unreasonable person??

Leaving your children with a babysitter isn't always the answer as that is one night out of your access that you won't see you child, which is the point of access. It's surely better to negotiate than to force a situation where you have to pick between a social life and seeing your kid.

OP -My friend was in a similar situation. He wanted some weekends off, and to make up the days elsewhere. His ex wasn't really happy, so they had to discuss the issue as part of their mediation.

SarahMc

My arrangement is very similar to the one you propose. Very fair IMO

LadyE

My ex takes DS one night a week, but to be fair he does have him all the next day too (until 5 or 6).

It used to kill me to hand ds over one night a week, and had to realise that just because he doesnt live with ds, doesnt make him any less his daddy. I enojy my little break too now (that seems really selfish when written down!)

SunnyP

My partner has two kids from a previous relationship. We take them every Friday at 5pm and they go home on Sunday night around 9pm. Then we take them for a few evenings every week for an hour or so after school if we arent working.
OP I know exactly where your coming from its very hard for me and my partner to go anywhere and you do need a social life no matter how selfish it may seem to some people

Try explain it to your ex its the only way it will work out fairly.
Hopefully your not like us and the reply you get isn't take them every weekend or dont see them at all

SunnyP

SunnyP wrote: »

My partner has two kids from a previous relationship. We take them every Friday at 5pm and they go home on Sunday night around 9pm. Then we take them for a few evenings every week for an hour or so after school if we arent working.

Wow - does the other parent have them at all???

stovelid

stovelid wrote: »

Leaving your children with a babysitter isn't always the answer as that is one night out of your access that you won't see you child, which is the point of access.

If the child was in bed by the time dad went out then it's not really a big deal he is still spending just as much time with the child as he would if he stayed in imo...

that said - your access proposals don't seem unfair?

stovelid

Deleted User wrote: »

If the child was in bed by the time dad went out then it's not really a big deal he is still spending just as much time with the child as he would if he stayed in imo...

Maybe dad has a sore head the next morning.

Or is dating someone new (and not ready to introduce her just yet) and wants a lie in with extras.

From what I saw with my friend, adults (especially recently single adults) have social needs, but also don't want to sacrifice time with their kids. It would have been a shame (given that so many men don't care about seeing their kids) if an arrangement couldn't have been reached. It was though.

Block G Raptor

My situation is that I am supposed to have my daughter every second weekend from 1pm Saturday to 7pm Sunday and 1-7pm every other Saturday and Sunday
last year my x decided to bring me to court to remove the overnight access but she lost, however she then decided to stop the overnight access anyway so she is back in court tomorrow for breach of access

SarahMc

I knew I remembered a previous thread like this, and searched, it was yours!

I can't believe this has not been sorted, what steps have you taken to resolve it.

K-9

I understand your dilemna, every Saturday and Sunday night is gone and when you have only a day or 2 you don't want to be getting a babysitter.

I'd suggest every 2nd weekend, but if possible, suggest a week night for access too!