Few More

rocky25

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!"

He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her.

He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.

When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said,

"That was the best, honey.

You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?"

His wife replies, "No, no.

I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass."

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Mick appeared on the Irish version of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' and was nearly at the end of the quiz with winnings of £500,000.

'You've done very well so far,' said the show's presenter, 'to get the £1 million, you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend.

Everything is riding on this question . . . will you have a go?'

'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!'

'OK. The question is: Which of the following birds does NOT build its' own nest?' (a) Robin (b) Sparrow (c) Cuckoo or (d) Thrush.'

'I haven't got a clue,' said Mick,

'so I'll use my last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Ballygoon.'

Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

'Foockin hell, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple . . . it's a Cuckoo.' answer C.

'Are you sure, Paddy?' asked Mick.

'I'm foockin sure Mick.'

Mick hung up the phone and told the TV presenter,

'I'll go with da Cuckoo as my answer.'
answer C.

'Is that your final answer? Lock it in? asked the host.

'Dat it is, Sir. Lock it in.'

There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed,

'Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won £1 million!'

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

'Tell me, Paddy - how in God's name did you know it was the Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest? I mean, you know fook-all about birds.'

'Ah bejaysus!' laughed Paddy.

'Everybody knows a foockin' Cuckoo lives in a clock!'

~~~~~~~~~~

What's the difference between a penis and a prick?

A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the guy who owns it.

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Behind every great man is a great woman...

and behind every great woman is some guy staring at her ass!

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Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.

If you see him without a hard-on, make him a sandwich!

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Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray?

It's for Dick heads!

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Why do men always pay more for car insurance?

Women don't get blowjobs while they're behind the wheel.

~~~~~~~~~~

Last night, my friends and I went to a Lap Dancing Club.

One of the lads wanted to impress the rest of us, so he pulled out a €10 note.

When the dancer came over to us, my friend licked the €10 note and stuck it to her butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a €20 note.

He called the girl back, licks the €20 note, and sticks it to her other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a €50 note and calls the girl over, and licks the €50 note.

I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, he just stuck it to one of her butt cheeks again.

My relief was short-lived.

Seeing the way things are going, the girl races over to me!!!

Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the girl is egging me on to try to top the €50.

My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet...... What could I do?


I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of her butt, grabbed the €80, and legged it.

byrner88

the last one is deadly never heard it before