Do you want to be married?

brianthebard

Splendour wrote: »

Untrue statement. This I know from personal experience-unfortunately...

You are entitled to your opinion, but a mothers rights are enshrined in the Irish constitution and the fathers are not. Its more complicated than that but from there the law emanates. If you wish to discuss this further you should start a new thread.

Pj!

Yeah I hope to get married. I suppose that means I hope to meet a person who I'd be happy to share my life with and vice-versa.

I reckon I'll be very very pissed off if I become old and havent met the right person.

Are you out there? Hello?!? Pm me, we should meet.

Maple

Forky wrote: »

Yeah I hope to get married. I suppose that means I hope to meet a person who I'd be happy to share my life with and vice-versa.

I reckon I'll be very very pissed off if I become old and havent met the right person.

Are you out there? Hello?!? Pm me, we should meet.

PM sent.

coffee_cake

There's the tax and legal stuff right? Like if partner was in hospital, that kind of thing? If I was in a LTR with someone for a long time anyway then maybe yeah for stuff like that
it's not exactly a life goal and certainly never "dreamed of my wedding day"

don't want kids either

Splendour

brianthebard wrote: »

You are entitled to your opinion, but a mothers rights are enshrined in the Irish constitution and the fathers are not. Its more complicated than that but from there the law emanates. If you wish to discuss this further you should start a new thread.

It's not an opinion,it's a fact in my case-mother's rights are not enshrined in the Irish Constitution. In my case the father's rights are enshrined. And no, I don't wish to start a new thread on this, I was initially responding to your post on this.

brianthebard

bluewolf wrote: »

There's the tax and legal stuff right? Like if partner was in hospital, that kind of thing? If I was in a LTR with someone for a long time anyway then maybe yeah for stuff like that
it's not exactly a life goal and certainly never "dreamed of my wedding day"

don't want kids either

Yeah the legal stuff is as important as anything. Are people interpreting the question as being "do you want to have a wedding?" as opposed to "do you want to be married?" ie spend rest of your life committed to someone?

Serafijn

I'm happily married for a year now. We were together for a long time beforehand so it's not really any different, it just felt right for us to take things to the next level. We didn't have a big expensive ceremony or anything, it was just family and close friends so it was really personal

I guess the main practical difference is that I took his name, which tbh I kinda like. I also like him being my husband instead of boyfriend/fiancé Also I'll feel much more comfortable when we decide to start a family, tho that might be the old-fashioned part of me coming out!

In summary; if it's right for you then go for it. You don't need to spend a fortune or make a big deal. It won't suit everyone to get married and in terms of your relationship, if you've lived together already it won't make much difference on practical level.

b3t4

I've never been too fussed about marriage but now that I've met my right man I do want it. For all the legal and tax reasons. Romance doesn't really come into it for me as we'd have that without the marriage certificate.

A.

Curlypinkie

Well let's put it this way. If my potential OH asked me to marry him I wouldn't go "f off". I would at least think about it. I don't believe in marriage and I certainly don't believe the horrible hype it has amongst some women in this country (oooh I got a ring -well i've got shoes, so what?)
But I wouldn't write it off as a definite no...

I want children ...one day, I'm just not readynow and I'm too young!
I do want to get married and while I have met the right man and we have both said we'll get married in the future.
It will only happen when we have have enough money to get a house (big enough to raise a family) and to have a wedding.
I'm 23 so there is well enough time to have fun and we both save so we're just having fun and relaxing at the moment. We moved in together a few weeks ago and to be honest I can only ever see a small difference in us if we were married as living together brings about a lot of change anyway and we have adjusted to it greatly

The Sweeper

Anyone who pooh-poohs marriage and follows that up with "who could be bothered with all the hype and fuss and expense" - a marriage isn't for one day. You can slip away to a registry office and go out for a meal afterwards and you're still as married as someone who went through a big church hoo-ha.

And a marriage isn't about that one big day. It's about the years that follow, the good times and the truly godawful terrible times that you never think you'll get through. It's a commitment based at a foundation level on the idea that life is ultimately easier if you're not doing it on your own, so you pick someone you love to do it all with and commit to staying with that person.

That, and the wedding day itself is an interesting indication of how you cope as a couple. It's a party that the two of you are throwing to show how committed you are to each other. I found it very interesting looking at my own wedding day, and those of my friends. Who allowed their parents have too much say? Who flipped on their religion to get married in someone else's church? Who went for a church wedding when they haven't been to mass in 15 years? Who overspent? Who underspent? Who killed themselves financially to make sure nobody was left out and would be offended? Who offended dozens of people and couldn't care less? Who was gracious? Who wasn't? Who managed to have a good day, and who was fighting with their partner so badly by the "I do"s that they were the first words they'd spoken to each other in ages? Whose stag or hen parties created a serious wobble in their relationships? Who fell out with their friends? Who put their families before their partner?

Oh it puts everything under a great big microscope - whatever about the number of marriages that fall apart, I wonder how many relationships fall at the Mr & Mrs hurdle...

lolly22

Yep id get married, since iv had my baby girl people have been asking us when were going to get married which I didnt think people still thought like that these days, but id never rush into it, I want a long engagment just to make sure:P and id never take out a loan for a wedding. Im only 23, I would'nt be ready for getting married any time soon :rolleyes::D

CathyMoran

Serafijn wrote: »

I'm happily married for a year now. We were together for a long time beforehand so it's not really any different, it just felt right for us to take things to the next level. We didn't have a big expensive ceremony or anything, it was just family and close friends so it was really personal

I guess the main practical difference is that I took his name, which tbh I kinda like. I also like him being my husband instead of boyfriend/fiancé Also I'll feel much more comfortable when we decide to start a family, tho that might be the old-fashioned part of me coming out!

In summary; if it's right for you then go for it. You don't need to spend a fortune or make a big deal. It won't suit everyone to get married and in terms of your relationship, if you've lived together already it won't make much difference on practical level.

I agree with everything except the bit about if you lived together a long time it will not make a difference - for me, it feels different, I know that he is my family now. I also had a small ceremony, took his name and the focus has been on being married not getting married.

BK2

before I got married, I wasn't too fussed about the whole wedding thing and the hype etc and because of this a lot of my friends used to say to me when I was in my early twenties and teenage years - "I don't think you will ever get married ". I suppose because if you don't have romantic ideas about weddings etc is appears like you don't want a marriage but they are very different things. I did want to be married though and for me there is a difference between boyfriend and girlfriend living together and being married and although I never wanted a big wedding I did want a marriage as opposed to a long relationship, it is important to some people and not so much for others and it wasn't for tax, legal, rights reasons either that I wanted to be married, I can't really explain my reasons, I prefer being married though than when we lived together as a couple, it feels different to me.

GirlInterrupted

Yes, I would like to be married at some point.

First of all let me say that I'm completely uninterested in wearing a fluffy white dress and accepting gifts that I'll probably never use.

If I do get married I'll probably have a very small and private ceremony, definitely civil, and perhaps a party at a later date for all our friends.

I'm not interested in marraige until I'm ready for children of my own, and I do think it makes a relationship more solid, more stable and more condusive to child rearing.

I also want to be in love, and loved enough for it to matter that we want to publicly declare our commitment to a joint future and the creation of a family.

I want to feel that the future father of my children is more than a boyfriend or partner, but my next of kin, the person closest to me in the world, and the only one that will matter to me in that special way for the rest of my life.

I don't really care if any of that is unfashionable, or idealistic, or even unlikely, its not something I've 'dreamed' about, but I do feel thats its they way I would like my life to play out, if I'm ever lucky enough to meet someone I feel that strongly about.

cson

A lot of people don't understand the difference between wedding and marriage.

Ginny

TBH the ****e I went through in the past should put me off the idea, but I do hope I'll meet someone and we both love each other enough to have the balls to stand up in front of our family and friends and declare how much we love each other and how committed we are to each other.
Although I would prefer a smaller more intimate affair to make it much more personal, I do think the whole "Wedding Affair" stuff has gotten way way out of had.
Right now I'm the only single person in my group of friends and honestly the changes some people go through when weddings are involved are terrifying.

Then again there are loads of couples who are both happy enough to not get married and thats perfect for them. It's down to each couple what works for them, I don't think marriage is essential for every couple, but I do hope it figures somewhere in my future.

fonpokno

I'd like to get married someday. God knows if it'll ever actually happen but I suppose I'd be kinda old fashioned... Although it'd be great to have the legal rights and all enshrined, I'd probably still be getting married for the commitment really. I'm a hopeless romantic deep down.

mollybird

yes and even more so now that i have found my dream man. just he is a bit slow on the whole idea i think or he is just saying it to put me off. but ill wait as he is soo worth it.

Clare Bear

I can't wait to get married....the thought of walking down the aisle to the man I love....ah dreamy And it's not about the big flash wedding and the dress and all that malarkey, I don't want a big wedding. It can just be me and him for all I care but I look forward to it, I think it's a beautiful thing.

SarahJ

I defo want to get married and have kids, I'm surpirsed by the amount of people who don't. But not a big OTT wedding where I have to invite people I haven't talked to in years just to fill up a room. I'm going abroad baby!!

stovelid

All the people that are (quite rightly) fulminating about the white-dress hoopla are confusing marriage with wedding.

Malari

I don't think the poll choices really reflect what I feel. I don't want to get married but it's not because I'm a committment-phobe. I couldn't say for sure that I never dreamed of it...probably thought about it when I was a teenager, but since I met my boyfriend, we are sure we don't want to get married, but do want to spend our lives together.

I don't see it as being necessary to my relationship. I will never have kids, I don't ever want them. It won't make a difference to our tax situation. I am perfectly happy the way things are

watna

I sure do. I've discussed this with my OH and he's not as fussed as I am about the whole thing but says he'll get married because he knows it's important to me. I want to get married as opposed to just living together for my family for one reason. My dad is old fashioned and it would mean a lot to him. I know it'd mean a lot to some of my OHs older relatives too. Legal reasons come in to it too (immigration laws mainly!) The main reason is I think it's important to stand up in front of all your friends and family (and god if you're that way inclined - which I'm not) and pledge to be together for life. I know a lot of people say that they know they want to be together but I like to idea of making it official in the eyes of people and the law and celebrating the fact that we want to be together with with my friends and family. Also for when we have kids I think it makes things easier to be married. Obviously, this is a very personal opinion and I fully understand that not everyone thinks this way but thats what it means to me.

Basically, because he's a kiwi and I'm Irish I think we'll end up kind of having to get married anyway so he can live in Ireland, which is pretty unromantic! I can get permanent residency in NZ without being married - in the eyes of NZ law we are already de facto partners because we have lived together for almost 2 years but no such modernism exists in Ireland - we'd have to get married for him to get residency.

brianthebard

Malari wrote: »

I don't think the poll choices really reflect what I feel. I don't want to get married but it's not because I'm a committment-phobe. I couldn't say for sure that I never dreamed of it...probably thought about it when I was a teenager, but since I met my boyfriend, we are sure we don't want to get married, but do want to spend our lives together.

I don't see it as being necessary to my relationship. I will never have kids, I don't ever want them. It won't make a difference to our tax situation. I am perfectly happy the way things are

Does the maybe option not work for you? Why wouldn't it affect your tax situation out of interest?

Malari

brianthebard wrote: »

Does the maybe option not work for you? Why wouldn't it affect your tax situation out of interest?

Well, the maybe option is what I picked, but really, it's no.

Why doesn't it change our tax situation? I don't know, ask the Revenue! I did a check a while ago just in case

LadyE

I think Id prob get married someday. Id like to think I would anyway, and that someone would have me

I deffo wouldnt get married for reasons other than love, commitment and wanting to spend your life together. To me, thats really really crazy. I mean, tax reasons?! Nooooo...could never do that!

panda100

Marriage doesnt look too likely for me as I am commitment phobic. However,If I ever meet somone whose perfectly right for me and wanted to have kids with them then Id get married for the legal and economic advantages.

ellebelle

I would love to think I'd meet someone that i would want to marry and would want to marry me. I DON'T want a big wedding, i'm more the eloping sort. I'm probably a ryainair girl 'no frills'.

Everywhere we turn today a smug married lifestyle is being pushed down our necks, just look at the ads for a certin small shop chain.... smug married for the way we live today.

It just seems these days that as well as having the nice house, big car, your expected to be married too with your little designer dressed sprogs or else your some sort of a failure. I'm sick of people saying 'oh some day it will be you' my answer to that is 'that someday may never come' so I won't hang around waiting for it.

So until i meet that guy that wants a wife who can mix cement and is fairly handy with a drill I'm just keep on the way I am...

crazy cat lady

I got married last March aged 24, I don't recall if I always wanted to get married, I certainly never dreamed of a cinderella wedding!

Luckily for me, my lovely husband didn't want a big wedding either! So we went away alone, met up with my best friend and her husband, and had the most intimate and magical wedding at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

We upset a good few people, but as we explained, if we were to start our marriage the way we meaned to go on - making each other happy and not pleasing everyone else - then we figured we would make a pretty good start!

We had a quiet meal when we came home just for family, and a bit of a party after. The people we upset soon got over it!

As for our marriage, its great so far! I wouldn't change a thing about the way we decided to tie the knot!