Do you want to be married?

TerrorFirmer

Definitely want to get married, and also want to do it relatively young. Children - no, preferably never as of now, but that said should it happen I'd not consider it a great misfortune or anything. Do like kids... just only as someone's elses.

Hate the idea of a big church wedding though. Totally hate it. Tiny little chapel in Vegas would do me!

brianthebard

ellebelle wrote: »

It just seems these days that as well as having the nice house, big car, your expected to be married too with your little designer dressed sprogs or else your some sort of a failure. I'm sick of people saying 'oh some day it will be you' my answer to that is 'that someday may never come' so I won't hang around waiting for it.

So until i meet that guy that wants a wife who can mix cement and is fairly handy with a drill I'm just keep on the way I am...

While this is probably true, don't you think that lifestyle has always been touted as the ideal? Maybe because people have more choice in it now its become even more idealistic and something to do with class perhaps?

Cokehead Mother

I'd love to have a proper marriage and a million kids and a shared mortgage and growing old together and double suicide at 65 and all that jazz. Before that though, I'd also like one or two sham marriages and fancy weddings.

ellebelle

brianthebard wrote: »

While this is probably true, don't you think that lifestyle has always been touted as the ideal? Maybe because people have more choice in it now its become even more idealistic and something to do with class perhaps?

Absolutley, but I just think its chronic at this stage.

Kotick

Yes I've always wanted to get married but won't marry just anyone. I was with a guy for 5 years and we lived together that whole time and we still broke up. It's not a top priority for me but I would like to be married if I have kids for 2 reasons, taxes, and I view marriage as a final commitment between people who love each other (I'm not religious, it's just a personal belief, but I also believe in divorce :P ).

And no, I would never propose because I fear rejection and am selfish and like to feel wanted.

Pigletlover

I definitely want kids, but I'm a bit meh about marriage. I see having a child with someone as a much bigger commitment than a big day out and a piece of paper, which is what 'marriage' seems to be for a lot of people nowadays. I'm going out with my boyfriend 5 years, living together a year and a half and I'm happy the way things are to be honest. Other people seem to be more concerned about him popping the question than I am.

Dudess

Marriage - not sure. Maybe.

Kids - if my current thinking doesn't change, then definitely no. But I might feel differently in two or three years' time.

Oryx

Havent read the whole thread.

I am married. So to answer the initial question: No.

Seriously, marriage can be an alluring prospect before you do it, but its not life changing. Apart from the photos and tax brackets it makes very little difference to day to day living. You may be more willing to bang heads together with your so rather than walking out, as you have a more significant commitment, but in reality I think the commitments are more tangible and financial than your wedding vows themselves.

Bottom line, if youre with the right person, marriage is a dream. With the wrong person its a nightmare. Which is no different from an unmarried but cohabiting and financially committed couple.

brianthebard

Pigletlover wrote: »

I definitely want kids, but I'm a bit meh about marriage. I see having a child with someone as a much bigger commitment than a big day out and a piece of paper, which is what 'marriage' seems to be for a lot of people nowadays. I'm going out with my boyfriend 5 years, living together a year and a half and I'm happy the way things are to be honest. Other people seem to be more concerned about him popping the question than I am.

That's a wedding not a marriage though.

Katie23

Yes, I would like to get married someday, if the right person comes into my life.

Morgase

Malari wrote: »

I don't think the poll choices really reflect what I feel. I don't want to get married but it's not because I'm a committment-phobe.

I don't see it as being necessary to my relationship. I will never have kids, I don't ever want them.

Snap! I just don't see the point of marriage (for myself and my partner that is).

Also I am not entirely comfortable with what marriage meant down the centuries (i.e. woman as chattel handed from father to husband). I know it's about something else nowadays (at least here in Ireland) but that is where its roots lie and I can't say that it hasn't affected my decision to never marry.

Dudess

Morgase wrote: »

Also I am not entirely comfortable with what marriage meant down the centuries (i.e. woman as chattel handed from father to husband). I know it's about something else nowadays (at least here in Ireland) but that is where its roots lie and I can't say that it hasn't affected my decision to never marry.

Agreed. Although nowadays I think the ceremony can be tailored to suit the individuals concerned. If I marry (and I wouldn't rule it out) the ceremony would be completely on our terms - none of that "giving away" shyte :rolleyes:.

Being engaged had similar connotations but those days are long gone - I don't think anyone would read anything into an engagement now other than being a decision to marry, symbolised by a ring. However the father "handing over" his daughter... just makes my skin crawl. I know though, it's not meant literally any longer, but I'd still leave it out.

If couples want to do all the traditional stuff above, cool, but I think it's a shame the way there are girls who feel they have to do it.

CDfm

Irish Marriage law is unfair on men.

No guy should marry. Live with them have kids but dont marry.

check here for the horror stories

www.parentelequality.ie

www.amen.ie

Peared

What a convincing argument you make cdfm.

I for one am completely swayed :rolleyes:

CDfm

Peared wrote: »

What a convincing argument you make cdfm.

I for one am completely swayed :rolleyes:

Thats woman talk.That is.

Imagine Irish Family Law like a cruise ship- if the ship goes down its women and children first and men get left behind.:rolleyes:

Peared

You're talking about sexism and you pronounce something as 'woman talk'?

Sweetie, I'd be waving from the lifeboat, drink in hand.

Malari

CDfm wrote: »

Irish Marriage law is unfair on men.

No guy should marry. Live with them have kids but dont marry.

check here for the horror stories

www.parentelequality.ie

www.amen.ie

Can you extrapolate CDfm? One of your links doesn't work (spelling?) and the amen one seems to refer mainly to domestic abuse? I think marrying the mother of your children gives you more rights with respect to bringing the child abroad on your passport and custody if anything happened to the mother?

CDfm

Malari wrote: »

Can you extrapolate CDfm? One of your links doesn't work (spelling?) and the amen one seems to refer mainly to domestic abuse? I think marrying the mother of your children gives you more rights with respect to bringing the child abroad on your passport and custody if anything happened to the mother?

the link is www.parentalequality.ie

marriage breakdown is usually initiated by the woman and the asset split is normally in favour of the woman-women can apply to the courts for passports without the consent of the father.

They can also appoint alternative guardians if anything happens to them by will- a testamentary guardian or something I think its called.

The benefits of marriage to men are illusory.

So you tell me what benefits are there for men by getting married. More impotantly what are the benefits for women.

You tell me if you think its an unequal partnership.

Whispered

We got engaged in March, this thread made me think, why do we want to get married. So we discussed it last night, for me, it's a promise to try to make each other happy for the rest of our lives. To legally become family. You can be with your boyfriend for as long as you want and say "we're practically married" fact is, you're not. I also think a relationship is more likely to work forever if you are married, it's not as easy to walk away. It's saying that I have the confidence in our relationship to legally commit to it.

For him, he said it's putting an official stamp on a relationship. We've promised ourselves and each other we'll always be together. Now is the right time to make that promise to the people who love us and who we love.

In saying that, neither of us want children (well I'm 24 so I might want them in a few years), we already have our house. Nothing much will change once we are married. We're doing it for ourselves and because it feels like the next step in our relationship.

Malari

CDfm wrote: »

The benefits of marriage to men are illusory.

So you tell me what benefits are there for men by getting married. More impotantly what are the benefits for women.

You tell me if you think its an unequal partnership.

Well, I just asked what you were talking about, that doesn't mean I necessarily disagree with you. I don't know an awful lot about it, just from speaking to a woman who is living with her long term partner and their child and thinks it would confer greater parental rights for him if they got married, but neither of them is inclined to.

So I assume that the benefits of marriage to men whose marriage then broke down is illusory, rather than all benefits of marriage?

Oryx

CDfm wrote: »

marriage breakdown is usually initiated by the woman

Really? Thats fact??*

and the asset split is normally in favour of the woman-women can apply to the courts for passports without the consent of the father.

They can also appoint alternative guardians if anything happens to them by will- a testamentary guardian or something I think its called.

The benefits of marriage to men are illusory.

So you tell me what benefits are there for men by getting married. More impotantly what are the benefits for women.

You tell me if you think its an unequal partnership.

Ok correct me if Im wrong, but what I hear here is bitterness over a personal situation. You may be correct, but your perspective seems skewed based on your own experience. The flipside of the coin you talk about is that women tend to be the major caregiver when it comes to children. That too, may be unfair, but it seems to be the way it is for now, I think it comes from our cultural background, and given time will change. That situation of having to provide care can mean that courts take this into account when considering the asset split. Not always though. I know anecdotally of a woman who was told to 'get out to work' by a judge in a divorce case, and not given the split she requested. I dont know about guardianship, but I have read here on boards that marriage gives a man more rights to his family (children) than staying single.

Believe me, Im not here to trumpet the benefits of marriage. I think so many people marry for completely the wrong reasons. The problems within marriage are not problems of marriage per se, but problems of society. Marriage itself is not the cure nor the disease.

*To place the blame or benefit (!) of divorce with one gender is oversimplifying a complex and tragic personal situation.

CDfm

Oryx wrote: »

Really? Thats fact??*

Ok correct me if Im wrong, but what I hear here is bitterness over a personal situation.

The flipside of the coin you talk about is that women tend to be the major caregiver when it comes to children.

*To place the blame or benefit (!) of divorce with one gender is oversimplifying a complex and tragic personal situation.

Its not bitterness dont get me wrong - I live better now than I ever have my kids are older because I got married young.

I got to change career and do other things I wanted.

The flipside as you say is that women are recognised as being the major caregiver and that may have been true in the 1960s but is no longer.

Im saying its time for a rethink - people intending to marry should do a pre-nup at least even though they are not legal in Ireland.Just like you would with a business partnership. Thats not romantic but its the way it should be.

If you truly are for equality you should apply it to your own situation.

Come on lay down the benefits for guys and if you cant think of any say so.

Rozabeez

I always say I don't want kids or want to get married, but that's probably because I'm so young. I'd imagine my mind will change when I'm old enough for the commitment and responsibility of being a wife/parent.

CDfm

Malari wrote: »

Well, I just asked what you were talking about, that doesn't mean I necessarily disagree with you. I don't know an awful lot about it, just from speaking to a woman who is living with her long term partner and their child and thinks it would confer greater parental rights for him if they got married, but neither of them is inclined to.

So I assume that the benefits of marriage to men whose marriage then broke down is illusory, rather than all benefits of marriage?

Malari -not nesscessarily more rights if he is recognised as joint guardian.

Your friend sounds like a very practical person- and fair play to her.

CDfm

helena.ryan wrote: »

We got engaged in March, this thread made me think, why do we want to get married It's saying that I have the confidence in our relationship to legally commit to it.

For him, he said it's putting an official stamp on a relationship. We've promised ourselves and each other we'll always be together. Now is the right time to make that promise to the people who love us and who we love.

In saying that, neither of us want children (well I'm 24 so I might want them in a few years).

Why not do a pre-nup?

If you do it will make you think pf the true value of your commitment.

CDfm

Peared wrote: »

You're talking about sexism and you pronounce something as 'woman talk'?

Sweetie, I'd be waving from the lifeboat, drink in hand.

Spoken like a modern emancipated woman

Does hubby know:rolleyes:

Nevyn

Pre nups are not legally binding in this country and please cut the feminazi bull****.

Yes this are currently uneven in reguards to family law in this country and children are suffering, the sooner the un charter on the rights of the child is ratified and children have a legal right to have input to cusdoy hearing and have a child advocate in court the better.

CDfm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Pre nups are not legally binding in this country and please cut the feminazi bull****.

Yes this are currently uneven in reguards to family law in this country and children are suffering, the sooner the un charter on the rights of the child is ratified and children have a legal right to have input to cusdoy hearing and have a child advocate in court the better.

Sorries all around about the f word -just meant as banter and I have edited it-it wasnt meant in a pejorative way.

I am not a supporter of the UN charter. I think the family law system already is too cumbersome and adversorial. Family Law is an industry peopled by professional experts whose job it is to keep it goingand making money out of it. It would defy reform.

Cut off the head and the snake will die.

Willie O'Dea said (on family law) "men are treated as if they are a seperate species". And he is a solicitor.Good on ya Willie.

To borrow from Behan -there is no situation that the presence of a family law solicitor hasnt made worse.

Pre nups while not binding - would be a nice framework for people to build their own pursuit of happiness.

Splendour

CDfm wrote: »

Come on lay down the benefits for guys and if you cant think of any say so.

The benefits of marraige for guys is the same as it is for gals; to have a partner who is willing to make this commitment to spend the rest of their lives with you and to put you before themself... It is the coming together of two people who are willing and mature enough to carry this out...

What other benefits are you looking for?

brianthebard

He's talking about rights as a father, if that wasn't clear.