Duck +

rocky25

A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman.

"Got any bread?"

"No", replies the barman

"Got any bread?" asks the duck again,

"No, I just told you", says the barman.

"Got any bread?” the duck asks again.

"Look, if you ask me one more time if I have got any bread,
I'm going to nail your beak to the bloody bar!" shouts the annoyed barman.

"Got any nails?” asks the duck

"No?" replies the puzzled barman

"Got any bread?" quacks the duck.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I was watching carol vorderman on TV the other day and I got aroused
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7 letters.... ain’t bad for me

GAAman

If carol vorderman does it for ya, well to each their own i guess

Xavi6

Carol Vorderman is a fine lookin thing, a MILF if you will.

Love the duck on btw, it quacks me up every time!

chavezychavez

Xavi6 wrote: »

Carol Vorderman is a fine lookin thing, a MILF if you will.

Love the duck on btw, it quacks me up every time!

Darn tuten straight she's a fine lookin' thing. If I could get herself and Miriam O'Callaghan to move in and look after of me, I'd be a happy camper

As for the duck, a classic. Nearly always gets a few groans from anyone I've told it to.

Boom_Bap

Carol Vorderman + Leather Trousers = AAWWWOOOOOGGGAAAA

Jay D

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f*cking bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f*cking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your f*cking beak to the bar you irritating b*stard of a f*cking bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?

Jay D

DUCKS IN HEAVEN !!!







Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
and although they try their best to avoid them,
the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day,
the second woman steps accidentally on a duck
and along comes St. Peter,
who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and,
not wanting to be chained
for all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months
without stepping on any ducks,
but
one day St.Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ....
very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.




St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being> chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says,
'I don't know about you,> but I stepped on a
duck.

dh0661

GAAman wrote: »

If carol vorderman does it for ya, well to each their own i guess

Ha Ha Rocky - your secret is out :rolleyes:.

Insect Overlord

Rocky and Jay I applaud ye!

Danno

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_03/vordeman1XPO_468x616.jpg

A wrecked tractor.