Only Horse People...

fits

ONLY HORSE PEOPLE. . . . . .

Believe in the 11th Commandment: Inside leg to outside rein.

Know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue or neon yellow.

Think nothing of eating a sandwich after mucking out stables.

Know why a thermometer has a yard of yarn attached to one end of it.

Are banned from Laundromats.

Fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy.

Can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing horse.

Have a language all their own ("If he pops his shoulder, I have to close that hand
and keep pushing with my voice & whip in case he sucks back".)

Will end relationships over their hobby.

Cluck to their cars to help them up hills.

Insure their horses for more than their cars.

Will give you 20 names and reasons for that bump on your horse.

Know more about their horse's nutrition than their own.

Have neatsfoot oil stains on the carpet right next to the TV.

Have a vocabulary that can make a sailor blush.

Have less wardrobe than their horse.

Engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job.

greeneyes13

ahahahahaha!!! totally true!

some of those are very familiar....

rosiec

fantastic! So true too..........especially the oil stains by the tv.........and the clucking at the car (usually followed by a cry of "come on bessy"!)

Kamili

Oh that is hilarious!!!! It is so so true alright.
I laughed very hard at that!

needadvice

spot on we're all nuts:o

byhookorbycrook

The Horsey Wife
A SENTIMENTAL FOOL. Displays a minimum of six 8 x 10 color photos of the horse in the house and carries a crumpled snapshot of you (taken before you were married) somewhere in the bottom of her purse.
EASY TO LOCATE. She's either off on the horse or out in the yard.
UPHOLDS THE DOUBLE STANDARD. Smooches with the most bewhiskered beast but recoils when you need a shave.
A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, providing the party is given by another horsey wife. Falls asleep in her soup at all other functions.
ECONOMY-MINDED. Won't waste your money on permanents, facials or manicures.
A CULINARY PERFECTIONIST. Checks every section of hay for mould but doesn't blink when she petrifies your TV dinner in the microwave.
A MASTER AT PACKING. Can load four small children, two large dogs, three bags of grain and a week's worth of groceries into the front of the car and still be able to drive fairly well.
OCCASIONALLY AMOROUS, but never leaves lipstick on your collar. At worst, a slight trace of Chapstick
EASY TO OUTFIT. No need for embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little boutiques. You can find all she wears at your friendly tackshop.
POSSESSES A PERFECT SENSE OF TIMING. Seems to almost deliberately have a horse colic whenever your mother comes to dinner.
FEATURES A SELECTIVE SENSE OF SMELL. Bitterly complains about your sickly-sweet after-shave while remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her boots drying next to the heater.
UNMISTAKABLE IN A BATHING SUIT. She's the one with the tan that starts at the nose, ends at the neck and picks up again at the wrists.
A DEDICATED CLUBWOMAN, as long as the words "horse" or "riding" appear in it's name.
HAS YOUR LEISURE AT HEART. Eliminates grass-cutting chores by converting every inch of lawn into pasture ( which, in turn, converts itself into mud.)
A MASTER AT MULTIPLICATION. She starts with one horse, adds a companion and, if it's a mare, she breeds it.
KEEPS AN EAGLE EYE ON THE BUDGET. Easily justifies spending six hundred on a saddle but croaks when you blow ten on a tie.
AN ENGAGING CONVERSATIONALIST. Can rattle on endlessly about the latest wormers and the pros and cons of castration.
IMPOSSIBLE TO EXPLAIN TO OUTSIDERS (especially the in-laws.)
SOCIALLY AWARE. Knows that formal occasions call for clean runners.
A MOVING FORCE IN THE FAMILY. House by house, she'll get you to move closer to the country and farther away from your job.
EASY TO PLEASE. A new wheel-barrow, custom boots or even a folding hoofpick will win her heart forever.
SHOWS HER AFFECTION IN UNUSUAL WAYS. If she pats you on the neck and says "You're a good boy!" believe it or not she loves you.

fits

ROFL!

Brilliant!

byhookorbycrook

Good Things About Husbands:
Husbands are less expensive to shoe.

Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of hay.

A lame husband can still work.

A husband with a belly-ache doesn't have to be walked.

Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back.

If they're playing hard to catch, you *may* be able to catch them on foot.

They know their name.

They pay their own bills.

They apologize when they step on your toes.
They seldom refuse to get in the vehicle.

They don't panic, yelling and running all through the house when you leave them alone. (unless you left the kids too).

For a nominal fee you can get someone else to clip them.



The Horse's Advantage:

If they don't work out you can sell them.

They don't come with in-laws.

You don't have to worry about your children looking like them.

You never have to iron their saddle pads.

If you get too fat for one ,you can shop for a bigger one.

They smell good when they sweat.

You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape.

It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence".

You can force them to stay in good physical condition...with a whip if necessary.

They don't want their turn at the computer.

They turn white with age, but not bald.

They learn to accept restraint.

They don't care what you look like, as long as you have a carrot.

Ave Sodalis

haha brilliant!!:D

needadvice

Guys how do you use the thanks thingy. PLease

There is a button on the bottom right of each post, its a thumbs up

You click on that.

Saltfeather

"Horses are God's apology for men"

"Horse-riding: the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground"

AngelicRaindrop

lol I just showed the second one to my partner, he said "oh god thats scarey" when I asked why he said "cause that is you!!"

byhookorbycrook

[SIZE=+4]All I need to know in life I learned from my horse[/SIZE]

When in doubt, run far, far away.

You can never have too many treats.

Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.

New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.

Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.

Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.

Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk.

And never walk when you can stand still.

Heaven is eating at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.

Eat plenty of roughage.

Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.

When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
In times of crisis, take a poop.

Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.

Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.

A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.

Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

PrideandLuna

They are ALL so true :L

Osteosam

fits wrote: »

ONLY HORSE PEOPLE. . . . . .


Cluck to their cars to help them up hills.

Yep, done that one... along with a bit of a "get uuup" in that aforementioned lower octave voice! haha.