Finding it difficult to make friends

mezain

I'm a mature student (but not old) who's just started first year, but i'm finding it very very difficult to make friends in the course. I've tried the usual talking to people in lectures, inviting them to go for coffee in the Main, etc, yet nothing seems to work. I have joined the usual clubs/societies but i'd rather make friends with people in my course who i'll see day in day out. I haven't got a bad personality and don't have a face like Frankenstein. Yet i'm beginning to feel very left out as practically everyone else in the course seems to have made friends.

What should i do?

KnifeWRENCH

It's often difficult for people to make friends when first starting a course. There's only one full week of college gone though - there's plenty of time left in term for you to get to know people. Making friends takes time, it doesn't happen instantaneously.
All I can suggest is keep trying.
And remember, some of those other people may have known each other before college, and may have been friends anyway.

SilverFox261

I know someone who was in the same situation when they started in UCC. This person was in their early 30's and what they found worked was

1) Going to class nights out. People usually loosen their tongues when they are out and when you see them in college afterwards ye can talk about the night.

2) Discussing assignments you get with classmates. They found that asking for help or giving help when asked was a good way to make them more approachable.

It could also be that many of the people in your class might be hanging out with friends they have in other courses that they knew before starting college. If you keep doing what you are doing at the moment you will start making friends. As square_igloo said, there is only one full week gone.

Poloman

If its the first week chill out. A lot of UCC people are stuck up. Class nights out are worth going to if they organise it. Maybe even suggest a night out to some people.

Just say it loud before a lecture some day "Anyone fancy a few pints tonight".

And if all comes to all go out yourself to the usual haunts and you will bump into a few of them.

mezain

I'll try whats been suggested but its no different to what i've been doing for the the last 10 days, i wouldn't be too hopeful.

ReacherCreature

Just turn to the person beside you and strike up a conversation about anything, I'm sure they'll be glad to talk to people and some, are probably in the same situation as yourself.

Worked for me in 1st Year anyways.

104494431

Poloman wrote: »

A lot of UCC people are stuck up.

I think that is a stupid statement. And I say that without detracting from how valid the rest of your post is. Stuck up? How many 17-18 year olds have any idea how to deal with people when they start college? It has nothing to do with being stuck up, in my opinion.

eden_my_ass

mezain wrote: »

I'm a mature student (but not old) who's just started first year, but i'm finding it very very difficult to make friends in the course. I've tried the usual talking to people in lectures, inviting them to go for coffee in the Main, etc, yet nothing seems to work. I have joined the usual clubs/societies but i'd rather make friends with people in my course who i'll see day in day out. I haven't got a bad personality and don't have a face like Frankenstein. Yet i'm beginning to feel very left out as practically everyone else in the course seems to have made friends.

What should i do?

I'll go out on a limb and say you probably intimidate your classmates by your age, even if you're only a few years older you're worlds apart, remember that these were leaving cert students a few months ago, socialising with 12-18 year olds! My gf had the same problem at 20 in first year, she found a lot of people very immature and different to her but they are growing up...slowly. Anyway the crux of it is, theres little you can do about them, just keep chatting, and you'll make them realise that theres no age boundaries anymore, its the real world...can't believe I just called UCC the real world!

ReacherCreature

Stuck up?

That's fairly harsh.

mezain

eden_my_ass wrote: »

I'll go out on a limb and say you probably intimidate your classmates by your age, even if you're only a few years older you're worlds apart, remember that these were leaving cert students a few months ago, socialising with 12-18 year olds! My gf had the same problem at 20 in first year, she found a lot of people very immature and different to her but they are growing up...slowly. Anyway the crux of it is, theres little you can do about them, just keep chatting, and you'll make them realise that theres no age boundaries anymore, its the real world...can't believe I just called UCC the real world!

I'm 24, but i don't look a day over 20 so there's no way that my 'age' intimdates my younger classmates.

save_our_socks

Give it until Christmas, I was in the same boat last year, 22 going into first year with people who hadnt even turned 18, at this stage I had had my fill of young ones seeing as I had spent the previous year repeating my leaving cert with 17 yr olds. Spent my first few months wandering around on my own. Didnt really start gelling with people until Decemeber, and it came about through a few in class exams we had...Fair enough I still cant stand the immaturity of some of them, but get to know people and youll be surprised, there are probably more people closer to your age than you think in the year....you just have to weed them out.

Fabio

Give yourself time....make one friend and soon it starts to expand as they introduce you to others and such...

Clubs and Socs are a good way to go though and there is even a Mature Student Soc if you want but seeing as you're pretty young, go for something you've interest in.

the_syco

Went to Carlow, but I'd say the advice would hold here: most people in the courses went into said courses, or said college with mates. You don't get to talk much in class, but if you go to a club or soc, everyone there will be talking about the club/soc, as they're interested in it. Note: only goto a club/soc if you're interested in it, don't go to a club/soc for the sake of joining a club/soc. Goto a club/soc as you know you'll enjoy the club/soc, as you'll enjoy the topic of the soc more, and therefore will meet like minded people easier.

You goto the class to learn, to the club/soc to socialize.

CDfm

Go to the student union - seek out the Entertainments officer or Societies officer or even the student union president or vice president.

Find an active society that does things like hillwalking,historical debating and support college teams and thats a biggie.

Tell them you are having problems getting to know people and would like to help out at stuff and volunteer to do stuff and get involved in things- you will get to meet others .

If you are doing stuff with people very soon you will make friends.

Its years since I went to college but they always need volunteers chairs dont get put out themselves or tidy themselves up by magic or posters dont put themselves up or take themselves down. People think they do.

Years since Ive been at college but those are things that you could start straight away and should work.

Energizeer

Well did you make any friends?

Alan Smith

I'm in Arts and I think the problem is that there are too many people there. I talk to people next to me but I usually don't see them again.

mezain

Energizeer wrote: »

Well did you make any friends?

I've made a few aquaintances, all other mature students, but i'd hardly call them friends as yet. Its just like school really, if you're perceived as being somewhat different or ''uncool'', then you're alienated.

CDfm

thats the same everywhere

it takes a while

so you wanna bee a cool kid - dont wash buy your clothes in Penneys and drink fizzy drinks.

get a bebo account and say did you see this on Encyclopedia Dramatica

Thats what my kids do

And they are cool

yay_for_summer

I agree that talking about assignments is a good idea, there's a mature student on my course who started chatting to me on the stairs the other day about how he was finding one module really difficult and we ended up talking for around 20 minutes at the door. We wouldn't be exactly friends, but I'm really only friends with two people on my course so far (and I knew nobody on day one). I'd sit next to him and have a bit of a chat before lectures if I see him as I come in though.

It takes time to be friends with anyone really but I'd say the asking for and giving help is good, cos it's always nice to know someone else is having trouble with coursework too and you're not the only one, no matter what age they are. Builds a bit of solidarity maybe?

Vengeance

Dude, nobody in university is cool. We all have our good qualities and our bad. Talk to your class reps. If they're anything like me, they'll help you out.

I tend to hang out with the older students anyhoo, its more fun tbh.

smk135

mezain wrote: »

I'm 24, but i don't look a day over 20 so there's no way that my 'age' intimdates my younger classmates.

So How's it going for you now a few days on?

By the way, you may be only 24 but you will still have more experience and thus confidence which is always perceivable to others who are uncomfortable so don't worry give yourself some time!

mezain

smk135 wrote: »

So How's it going for you now a few days on?

By the way, you may be only 24 but you will still have more experience and thus confidence which is always perceivable to others who are uncomfortable so don't worry give yourself some time!

Still the same as last week. I agree with the poster who said there are too many people in Arts, thats the course i'm doing. You could be chatting away to someone in a lecture, and you might not see said person again for weeks, so big are the individual classes. Sure i'll give it another few weeks and if no progress is made, then i'll start to worry

smk135

mezain wrote: »

Still the same as last week. I agree with the poster who said there are too many people in Arts, thats the course i'm doing. You could be chatting away to someone in a lecture, and you might not see said person again for weeks, so big are the individual classes. Sure i'll give it another few weeks and if no progress is made, then i'll start to worry

Good to hear you've relaxed about it anyway, for your own sake.

I've moved around quite a bit and to be honest it's never easy to make friends in any given situation. I find looking for "acquaintances" works much better; as in people to simply see every now and again.

Worst case scenario - get a job? I don't know if it's feasible for you time wise, but even once or twice a week bar work or something can be great for social life.

Good luck with it and stay positive, am sure it'll fall in place for you!

mezain

smk135 wrote: »

Worst case scenario - get a job? I don't know if it's feasible for you time wise, but even once or twice a week bar work or something can be great for social life.

I have a job, working for the same company for the last couple of years, and if anything its taking from my social life, i end up working the nites i'm supposed to go out and socialise.

smk135

mezain wrote: »

I have a job, working for the same company for the last couple of years, and if anything its taking from my social life, i end up working the nites i'm supposed to go out and socialise.

Well then maybe there's your answer? Although you can't stop working I'm sure, for obvious reasons, you could possibly think of changing jobs or doing something more flexible and social?

Unless your job is sponsoring you or something.

midgetflynn

I'll prob just end up repeating what a lot of others said but you should def try enjoy a club or soceity,there's one for everyone!and what I did was get involved in the Student's Union,everyone is friendly and there are people of all ages there!
You could try talking to your class rep,get them to organize a class party but do something 'bonding' like bowling,pool or karaoke.

Schoolteacher

CDfm wrote: »

thats the same everywhere

it takes a while

so you wanna bee a cool kid - dont wash buy your clothes in Penneys and drink fizzy drinks.

get a bebo account and say did you see this on Encyclopedia Dramatica

Thats what my kids do

And they are cool

Mezain, be careful with this bit of advice. If you genuinely are not cool you will only make matters worse if you TRY to be. Just be yourself, and eek out like-minded people. And so what if you buy clothes in Penny's and drink fizzy drinks - do it with confidence and style, and everyone will start buying in Penny's and drinking fizzies. Laughing and smiling helps.

corkstudent

God I want to beat the **** out of UCC Students for liking Encyclopedia Dramatica. Oh hey look we're bullying an autistic kid, but it's a PARODY really. Oh hey look, we're ruining 4chan's sense of humour by spamming the same old, tired memes again and again. Oh hey look, we think we're MASTER TROLLS for editting a wiki page about someone we find strange.

I know a few people about who have turned into unfunny sociopaths. It's really sad.

redroar1942

Schoolteacher wrote: »

Mezain, be careful with this bit of advice. If you genuinely are not cool you will only make matters worse if you TRY to be. Just be yourself, and eek out like-minded people. And so what if you buy clothes in Penny's and drink fizzy drinks - do it with confidence and style, and everyone will start buying in Penny's and drinking fizzies. Laughing and smiling helps.

I'm surprised you took the post literally. Are you really a teacher or is it just an alias ?

redroar1942

corkstudent wrote: »

God I want to beat the **** out of UCC Students for liking Encyclopedia Dramatica. Oh hey look we're bullying an autistic kid, but it's a PARODY really. Oh hey look, we're ruining 4chan's sense of humour by spamming the same old, tired memes again and again. Oh hey look, we think we're MASTER TROLLS for editting a wiki page about someone we find strange.

I know a few people about who have turned into unfunny sociopaths. It's really sad.

On the plus think of all the different ways they'll be able to say " Do you want fries with that ? " in four years time

Northern Line

Alan Smith wrote: »

I'm in Arts and I think the problem is that there are too many people there. I talk to people next to me but I usually don't see them again.

It's the same for me, I'm also in Arts (doing English, History, French and Art History). I'm not very good at talking to people out of the blue in the first place (I'm very anxious) but it's even more difficult when there are so many people in a class that I can't keep track of them on a daily basis or even get to know their names. Like everyone's said though, I guess it just takes time.

Schoolteacher

redroar1942 wrote: »

I'm surprised you took the post literally. Are you really a teacher or is it just an alias ?

Just an alias. Hey, I just feel sorry for people who have difficulty making friends. Why dont all these people who have answered Mezain's poster be his/her friend?

440Hz

Anyone fancy a meet up? http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055415999 Planning a little meet up over in the Cork City thread if anyone here is interested...

rebel girl 15

Arts is one of the most lonely courses to be takin, in terms of making friends and being with people.

Celtise

hang in their guys its gets better in later years of arts i know as the classes get smaller.

friends of mine in arts do have few friends in their class that they did not know prior though my flatmates are 2nd arts and became really good friends from last year (history or history of art i think). so just try your best. i met all my friends (not arts) through flatmates or friends or juist by talking to that stranger that sits beside you. thats how i met most people when i started out.

Serafina_jah

mezain wrote: »

I'm a mature student (but not old) who's just started first year, but i'm finding it very very difficult to make friends in the course. I've tried the usual talking to people in lectures, inviting them to go for coffee in the Main, etc, yet nothing seems to work. I have joined the usual clubs/societies but i'd rather make friends with people in my course who i'll see day in day out. I haven't got a bad personality and don't have a face like Frankenstein. Yet i'm beginning to feel very left out as practically everyone else in the course seems to have made friends.

What should i do?

Hey Mezain!! How are ye getting on making new friends? What did you find helped the most??

I'm on a quest to find new friends myself. I'm not at college though. I just moved to Tallaght, would anyone have any advice for making new friends there? Any good evening classes or social groups to join??

advisor

There are lots of students who take time to settle in, but when you haven't done so yourself it seems as if everyone else has friends. UCC is starting a new mentoring service after Christmas and you can get details from the Students' Union office. Keith is particularly friendly and will give you details. Good luck.

questioner

where to start..

First off, fair play for having the balls to actually pipe up and say "hey, I'm lonely", especially these days when a persons social merit is instantaneously calculated on the basis of how many friends they have on their bebo page.
Admitting (even to yourself) that you feel isolated or alienated can be an unpleasant experience and it is genuinely hard to know what to say when someone confides in you that they are lonely. Its a problem that's far more prevalent in Irish society than we would care to admit to, for example - this is the second most viewed page on the ucc forum. This thread has 37 replies and over 3000 views, now maths isn't really my strong point but you could posit that for every person willing to post a comment and discuss there's maybe 70 people who are interested enough to read it. Ironical that people should find common ground in the theme of alienation.

Secondly, there's no point in trying to force friendship onto people, that's like trying to hold onto sand, and its a surefire way to alienate yourself even further. Look at it objectively, would you want to be friends with someone who came across as needy? I apologize if you take that statement up as my saying your needy, I'm not, I'm just saying to bear it in mind. You say your 24, I'm 25 and if i was in first year with a pile of last years leaving certers i would feel about a million miles away from them, and properly so. If you think that you have the same mentality as the first years on your course then pick up the student magazine and see if you find the constant salacious remarks, childish innuendo and drunken photos entertaining. Now don't get me wrong when i was 18 i hadn't a clue, fair enough I'm 25 now and i still haven't a ****en clue, the difference is now i know i don't.

Thirdly, Focus on being independent, the sorriest thing I ever did in college was not focus more on my studies. I graduated last year with a fairly mediocre 2.2, which cost me my place on the masters programme. What cost me my 2.1 was working a part time job and going out and doing the drunken student thing, which in retrospect, turned out to be not that big or clever after all.
Also, take a good look around the class, fair enough there's that big crowd who are always noising it up before and after the class but theres also a silent hardworking independent minority who are focused and know the reason why they're in college.If there was ever a social group i was sorry i didnt belong to it was that group.

Finally, Remember that you will have the rest of your life to socialise and get on with your colleagues but you will only have three or four years to make the grade that'll be stuck on your mantelpiece for the rest of your life.

To be honest I could ramble on ad-inifinitum about what I'd do if i was in your shoes and starting college again but what it boils down to is this. Don't try and be something your not, if your a little introverted by nature don't try and overcompensate, you will not find happiness that way. Be genuine to people, keep your head up - be proud and focus on your studies, you have been given a great opportunity to learn, recognise that you will more than likely never again have such a wealth of knowledge at your disposal.

badabinbadaboom

ok thats the best post ive ever read.

mezain

questioner wrote: »

where to start..

First off, fair play for having the balls to actually pipe up and say "hey, I'm lonely", especially these days when a persons social merit is instantaneously calculated on the basis of how many friends they have on their bebo page.

Would never dream of having a bebo page - 1. I'm not one to be plastering my life all over the web and 2. I have relatively few friends.

questioner wrote: »

Admitting (even to yourself) that you feel isolated or alienated can be an unpleasant experience and it is genuinely hard to know what to say when someone confides in you that they are lonely. Its a problem that's far more prevalent in Irish society than we would care to admit to, for example - this is the second most viewed page on the ucc forum. This thread has 37 replies and over 3000 views, now maths isn't really my strong point but you could posit that for every person willing to post a comment and discuss there's maybe 70 people who are interested enough to read it. Ironical that people should find common ground in the theme of alienation.

Very ironic indeed.

questioner wrote: »

Secondly, there's no point in trying to force friendship onto people, that's like trying to hold onto sand, and its a surefire way to alienate yourself even further. Look at it objectively, would you want to be friends with someone who came across as needy? I apologize if you take that statement up as my saying your needy, I'm not, I'm just saying to bear it in mind. You say your 24, I'm 25 and if i was in first year with a pile of last years leaving certers i would feel about a million miles away from them, and properly so. If you think that you have the same mentality as the first years on your course then pick up the student magazine and see if you find the constant salacious remarks, childish innuendo and drunken photos entertaining. Now don't get me wrong when i was 18 i hadn't a clue, fair enough I'm 25 now and i still haven't a ****en clue, the difference is now i know i don't. .

I know i don't have the same mentality as the 18 yr olds, i can see how giddy and childish theya are, but at the same time i'd like to make acquaintance with some of them. I don't know, maybe i give off that ''old vibe''

questioner wrote: »

Thirdly, Focus on being independent, the sorriest thing I ever did in college was not focus more on my studies. I graduated last year with a fairly mediocre 2.2, which cost me my place on the masters programme. What cost me my 2.1 was working a part time job and going out and doing the drunken student thing, which in retrospect, turned out to be not that big or clever after all.
Also, take a good look around the class, fair enough there's that big crowd who are always noising it up before and after the class but theres also a silent hardworking independent minority who are focused and know the reason why they're in college.If there was ever a social group i was sorry i didnt belong to it was that group.

The study side will look after itself once i get the social side sorted first. People think its easy to study when you have no friends, but the opposite is true. If i have nothing to look forward to on a Tuesday nite then it makes knuckling down to study all the more difficult, as i'm not happy within myself about my social life.

XboxHero

I understand it's harder to focus when you have nothing to look forward to! Do you know anybody at all in UCC? Anyone you could meet up with at lunch and expand from there? I'm only in 6th Year (And quite nervous about College:P) but I've heard clubs and societies are great ways to meet new people and start friendships. To be honest, people in the clubs aren't going to be assholes as a lot of other people will be in your position.

I went into my Secondary School knowing NOBODY:( The 1st day I just followed the crowd and it was awful.. But as time passed I just made friends and some of them are the best friends I ever made. Just this year I've made new friends which is great, so hopefully I can do the same next year.

I know it's easy to dole out advice, because in the end of the day we're not in your position, we can all go back and deal with our own issues but it's you who has to face this problem head on. I suggest utilising the mentoring service as it's there to help those in need:) This is exactly what I'm worried about too but I'm the opposite... I look way too young :eek: Haha.. Kind of ironic? Why can't we just find a middleground:cool:

Also, I wouldn't shun Bebo as people can learn more about you, and you can form bonds with people who have similar tastes and interests. If you add people in your year even that you don't know, you'll find it easier to talk to them online rather than face-to-face, and if there's a connection ye can be friends... Or maybe more?? Haha;) I used to add a tonne of people to my Bebo who lived in my area and after getting to know them hung around with them, and it was a hell of a lot easier than asking random strangers 'Be my friend. Please'. Hehe:cool:

Maybe I should take some of my own advice to calm my nerves...:pac: I really hope you make some great friends this year.. Make it your New Years Resolution. 'In 2009, I'm gonna get the confidence to make new friends in College' Believe me, I can be quite shy at times but hey, isn't it easy for me to write to a complete stranger via the good ole internet? (On this message board alone I'm sure there are those that would be willing to meet up with you) . So maybe start there?! Enjoy the rest of the Christmas break, best wishes for 2009 and I hope you make great friends as soon as you go back:) Keep us posted (Literally;))

:)

rom

Joining clubs or societies is the best way as you have a similar interest, might go away on weekends etc. work to achieve something. societies are probably better for making friends to be honest.

ReacherCreature

mezain wrote: »

Would never dream of having a bebo page - 1. I'm not one to be plastering my life all over the web and 2. I have relatively few friends.

I wouldn't give up on the idea of a Bebo page.
You don't have to plaster your life all over it, e.g I don't tell people how many people are in my family on it nor do I tell people where I live and so on. You can make your site private too, if you're worried about who sees it. I find it a great thing to keep in touch with people, friends and especially my cousins etc who I hardly see during term.

Doesn't matter about friends, you don't have to make it a popularity contest like those with hundreds or thousands of friends.

quietsailor

@ questioner - brilliant post,

@ OP - Hang in there. I'm 32 and am back in UCC as a mature student. Biologically I'm old enough to be most of my classmates father so I was very worried starting that nobody would talk to me, yet I've made friends with them. I'm lucky enough to be in a small class of people - 22 so that does help.

Have you been to the mature students society social events? I'd imagine your not the only person with this dilemma.

I hope it gets better for you in the next term, you might be surprised yet -- the "proper" first years (my sarcasm there) could be coming to you yet for advice on study projects etc, it has already happened with me.

mezain

Right, i've f*cking had it up to here *points very high* with Arts and the unfriendly students doing it. I went to a class party tonight, wasn't anybody i knew at it but that didn't put me off going, thinking i'd surely get chatting to somebody i knew to see. But alas, after 2 hours of chatting, flirting, and generally talking ****, i didn't get to hang around with anyone, no one said ''sure come inside and join the group'', etc. It seems to me that if you're not already one of the established groupies, if you're an outsider who's looking to join or just have a chat, then you're not welcome. If i manage to stick this course out till May it will be a minor miracle.

Amtmann

mezain wrote: »

Right, i've f*cking had it up to here *points very high* with Arts and the unfriendly students doing it. I went to a class party tonight, wasn't anybody i knew at it but that didn't put me off going, thinking i'd surely get chatting to somebody i knew to see. But alas, after 2 hours of chatting, flirting, and generally talking ****, i didn't get to hang around with anyone, no one said ''sure come inside and join the group'', etc. It seems to me that if you're not already one of the established groupies, if you're an outsider who's looking to join or just have a chat, then you're not welcome. If i manage to stick this course out till May it will be a minor miracle.

I sauntered into UCC for the first time on the day I started my course without having been in Cork once in the 15 years prior. I knew not a soul. I was 22 and an undergrad.

I quickly made acquaintances however, most of which came to nought, but ultimately a small group of firm friends. My general strategy initially was asking the randomer beside me if I was in the right lecture theatre/room/whatever. I knew I was, but it was just an excuse to start a conversation.

If you're in a small class, try suggesting that a few of you grab a coffee or something in the student centre. You're right that many people are cliquish, but not everyone is.

I started back at UCC as a postgrad last October after working for a year, and I found it a little odd at first. Almost all of my original friends are gone, and now that I'm not really part of any class as such I operate solo for the most part. I am taking a small German class thrice per week though with some undergrads who, although I've been friendly, were quite wary of me because a) I'm 26 now and they're only 19, and b) when most undergrads hear 'PhD' they don't quite know what to make of you. But now I'm getting quite friendly with one person from the class - not deliberately or anything; these things just happen.

Anyway, hope that helps...just ask a few classmates to go for a coffee I guess and hopefully that will start the ball rolling for you.

Amtmann

mezain wrote: »

I'm 24, but i don't look a day over 20 so there's no way that my 'age' intimdates my younger classmates.

Try to seek out other people around your age. One day a person just popped into the seat beside me in Boole 4 and said "Hi! You look about the same age as me. I'm Anita", and we just hit it off. Best friends since then and that was five years ago this year. Funnily the two of us had both been in your predicament for over a month before that. Both in our early twenties, older than most of them - but not old! - and not really gelling with anyone else. Gas really.

I'd also say try approaching some of the older students in your classes - the ones in their 30s. These are often cool and very open to engaging in random coffees, while having a good bItch about the course or whatever.

Amtmann

mezain wrote: »

Still the same as last week. I agree with the poster who said there are too many people in Arts, thats the course i'm doing. You could be chatting away to someone in a lecture, and you might not see said person again for weeks, so big are the individual classes. Sure i'll give it another few weeks and if no progress is made, then i'll start to worry

Sorry for the flurry of posts, I'm reading the thread arse about face. In first year it's hard. The tutorials can be good though. Be brave and strike up conversations there. In second year when classes are smaller, it'll be easier.

mezain

Furet wrote: »

Try to seek out other people around your age. One day a person just popped into the seat beside me in Boole 4 and said "Hi! You look about the same age as me. I'm Anita", and we just hit it off. Best friends since then and that was five years ago this year. Funnily the two of us had both been in your predicament for over a month before that. Both in our early twenties, older than most of them - but not old! - and not really gelling with anyone else. Gas really.

I'd also say try approaching some of the older students in your classes - the ones in their 30s. These are often cool and very open to engaging in random coffees, while having a good bItch about the course or whatever.

Thats sound advice, and i have made two acqaintances by doing the whole 'lets go for a coffee' thing. The problem is that neither of them go out, to say they're not much craic, would be an understatement. So if i want to go out or even just for a quiet pint, i've no one to go with - save myself, and drinking by yourself is what suicidal people do, i'm not quite that bad as yet!

CorkLady1983

hey, I feel your pain, it can be like that too when you move away from home for a job etc..I've been in Dublin over a year at this stage, and have to admit at times I'm lonely. Most of the people I work with are older and settled, I'm still young and want to get other there and party and get to know new people. I would definately say join the mardyke gym, and take part in one or two clubs like Badminton or something else like that. It is hard to get to know people especially when you are a few years older than them. Sitting down next to someone and saying hi doesn't always work, I remember when started in UCC 8 years ago it was kind of cliquey...I hope it gets easier, keep the chin up...remember you are there to get your degree too, don't let their hostility hold you back;)

Fabio

mezain wrote: »

Thats sound advice, and i have made two acqaintances by doing the whole 'lets go for a coffee' thing. The problem is that neither of them go out, to say they're not much craic, would be an understatement. So if i want to go out or even just for a quiet pint, i've no one to go with - save myself, and drinking by yourself is what suicidal people do, i'm not quite that bad as yet!

Get your arse up to the motorbike club...friendliest folk in the college. Deadly serious, small club and great craic. Meeting tomorrow at about half seven across the road from the Electrical Engineering building. Check here:http://www.ucc.ie/en/mcc/