Harney the Blimp

javaboy

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

YOu die the woman's hair red, slap some green facepaint on her and viola - Princess Fiona.

Woah hold on. She may be a lot of things but Mary Harney is not on the fiddle.

Kintarō Hattori

xOxSinéadxOx wrote: »

yes, fatty

That's a bit presumptuous isn't it? For all we know Fulton could be a svelte little thing. Are you Fulton?

The Mighty Ken

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

YOu die the woman's hair red, slap some green facepaint on her and viola - Princess Fiona.

Then we could shave what's left of Wayne Rooney's hair, slap some green facepaint on him and voila - Shrek.

I can see the headlines already: "Obese Irish Minister for Health to wed Assassin Faced United Superstar"

ScumLord

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

OK our health system is a joke but lets put that aside for a moment. It's not relevant that because she is the minster for health she should be a picture of health. It's about ability to do the job.

To think that because she is overweight makes her unable to do an effective job shows lack of common sense.

Well it does get in the way. She can't right checks because all the greece in her system seeps out onto any paper she comes into contact with. Meaning ink won't stick to it. She holds up ever government meeting she attends when she gets stuck in the doorway for half an hour. Not to mention all the hospital supplies she's eating her way through.

xOxSinéadxOx wrote: »

she's a fatty

Harsh Sinead, harsh. :eek:

Lads,
Heres the big question.

If you had to choose ;

1 - Death

2 - Give this Goblin a lick out

What would you choose?

For me - load the gun tbh.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Deleted User wrote: »

Lads,
Heres the big question.

If you had to choose ;

1 - Death

2 - Give this Goblin a lick out

What would you choose?

For me - load the gun tbh.

Shoot me while I'm licking her out. With a bit of luck, you'll take us both out.

Ross_Mahon

Deleted User wrote: »

Lads,
Heres the big question.

If you had to choose ;

1 - Death

2 - Give this Goblin a lick out

What would you choose?

For me - load the gun tbh.

Have to go with 2 there, then get some hypnosis to forget about the whole thing.

Dinter

Sure it's a death sentence either way.

Imagine if she clenched those mighty thighs with your head down there.

At least shooting yourself would preserve your dignity.

Dinter

Dinter wrote: »

Sure it's a death sentence either way.

Imagine if she clenched those mighty thighs with your head down there.

At least shooting yourself would preserve your dignity.

lol indeed.
Let's not forget the smell now either.......it'd be like a ****ing fishy gas chamber.......probably would smell like a used nappy too.

Ross_Mahon

Big sweaty thunder tighs chocking the air out of ya! :eek:

http://www.langerland.com/

That site is brilliant for Harney bashings.

Ross_Mahon

Ross_Mahon wrote: »

Big sweaty thunder tighs chocking the air out of ya! :eek:

http://www.langerland.com/

That site is brilliant for Harney bashings.

I'd worry about getting her over excited though. I'd say her climax would be like a whale taking a piss.

Squiggle

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

YOu die the woman's hair red, slap some green facepaint on her and viola - Princess Fiona.

Or you could cut a bit of her hair off, slap on a false beard and this is what you'd have.:pac:

Dinter

Squiggle wrote: »

Or you could cut a bit of her hair off, slap on a false beard and this is what you'd have.:pac:

I heard he's lost a ton of weight recently.

He's now basically just skin and bones.

dublinario

People, people. When I started this thread, I never imagined it would descend into a fat-bashing extravaganza. All I suggested, was that I would prefer if our minister for health wouldn't balance a weighing scales sporting an articulated truck (filled 50% with anvils, and in the balance of fairness, 50% with helium balloons) perched on the other side.

Call me old fashioned, but I think the Minister for Health should be herself a projection of health. She should be erection-inducing. I tried over the weekend to foster an erection from stock footage of Harney. Admittedly, I got there in the end, but it was more a triumph of courage, imagination and iron-will than anything else. Essentially, I had to take a day off work and indulge in a 24 hour unbroken fantasy, in which I took Harney for liposuction, colonic irrigation, basic hygiene boot-camp, and an extreme US-style makeover.

By the 15th hour of the fantasy, Harney had started to resemble a quasi-attractive, albeit porky humanoid. Accordingly, the first flicker of movement in my crotch was noted. 8 hours of further imaginary makeover later and I was finally carrying a full bar in my pants.

Therein lies the problem. If the Minister for Health is a guy, he should be attractive to women and gays. If it's a woman, I shouldn't have to take a day off work to achieve a full Jack Walker. That is the barometer by which I measure suitability of a Health Minister.

Nehaxak

Liz o'Donnell now, she was decent **** material.

dublinario

dublinario wrote: »

People, people. When I started this thread, I never imagined it would descend into a fat-bashing extravaganza. All I suggested, was that I would prefer if our minister for health wouldn't balance a weighing scales sporting an articulated truck (filled 50% with anvils, and in the balance of fairness, 50% with helium balloons) perched on the other side.

Call me old fashioned, but I think the Minister for Health should be herself a projection of health. She should be erection-inducing. I tried over the weekend to foster an erection from stock footage of Harney. Admittedly, I got there in the end, but it was more a triumph of courage, imagination and iron-will than anything else. Essentially, I had to take a day off work and indulge in a 24 hour unbroken fantasy, in which I took Harney for liposuction, colonic irrigation, basic hygiene boot-camp, and an extreme US-style makeover.

By the 15th hour of the fantasy, Harney had started to resemble a quasi-attractive, albeit porky humanoid. Accordingly, the first flicker of movement in my crotch was noted. 8 hours of further imaginary makeover later and I was finally carrying a full bar in my pants.

Therein lies the problem. If the Minister for Health is a guy, he should be attractive to women and gays. If it's a woman, I shouldn't have to take a day off work to achieve a full Jack Walker. That is the barometer by which I measure suitability of a Health Minister.

LOL

Epic

javaboy

javaboy wrote: »

Woah hold one. She may be a lot of things but Mary Harney is not on the fiddle.

Take a bow, good man. Can't believe nobody else picked up on it.

javaboy

Deleted User wrote: »

Take a bow, good man. Can't believe nobody else picked up on it.

Won't get very far on the viola without one!

pickarooney

Is this the inadvertent pun thread? I missed the comercial.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Nehaxak wrote: »

Liz o'Donnell now, she was decent **** material.

Always thought the same about Mary Lou McDonald until I found out she was a Sinner. Last thing I want is a mental lecture on national identity when I'm trying to knock one out.

Deleted User wrote: »

Take a bow, good man. Can't believe nobody else picked up on it.

I did, I just didn't think it was up to his usual standard...

Nehaxak

Mmmm, Mary Lou and Liz doing the biz...
Then Harney walks in and sits on their faces...

Oh dear Gawd !!! NnNNnnnnfffff

Ahhh, that's better.

Savman

LMAO :D:D

javaboy

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I did, I just didn't think it was up to his usual standard...

I'm just flattered you think I have standards.

togster

I've done rougher birds in my time so yes i would ride Mary Harney if she asked. I would put an apple in her mouth and smother her in baby oil first and then stick it in her and try and hold on. Hope this helps OP.

togster

togster wrote: »

I've done rougher birds in my time so yes i would ride Mary Harney if she asked. I would put an apple in her mouth and smother her in baby oil first and then stick it in her and try and hold on. Hope this helps OP.

I'd go for some whipped cream myself. Rub it all over her while telling her how I am going to take her on the safari of a life time where she can see all her distant cousins......then I'll handcuff her to my bed and make seductive love to her.....while listening to Lady in Red as she eats my home made Hotdog........

Dinter

Deleted User wrote: »

I'd go for some whipped cream myself. Rub it all over her while telling her how I am going to take her on the safari of a life time where she can see all her distant cousins......then I'll handcuff her to my bed and make seductive love to her.....while listening to Lady in Red as she eats my home made Hotdog........

Handcuffs wouldn't hold her if she could smell whipped cream she couldn't get to. You'd need a steel hawser unless you get her in the 5 minute window between Lunch and Afternoon Tea.

Dinter

Dinter wrote: »

Handcuffs wouldn't hold her if she could smell whipped cream she couldn't get to. You'd need a steel hawser unless you get her in the 5 minute window between Lunch and Afternoon Tea.

Never thought about that. I could knock her unconscious but then again the foreplay would be no fun without the rhino noises.

dublinario

Dinter wrote: »

Handcuffs wouldn't hold her if she could smell whipped cream she couldn't get to. You'd need a steel hawser unless you get her in the 5 minute window between Lunch and Afternoon Tea.

Agreed. I think you'd be playing a dangerous game, introducing food to Harney-lovin. She's not like us. You know in horror films, when the good guys finally impale/behead/shoot/stab one of the evil 'things'? One of the good guys will always prod the 'thing's carcass with a stick, at which time the mouth of the deceased killing machine will clamp-shut on reflex, causing the cast to flinch in terror, and the token black character to utter 'Da-yamn'.

Harney is comparable. Do you really think eating is a choice for her? Don't be so naive. She is an abomination of Darwinian Natural Selection; nature's perfect eating machine, genetically wired to consume everything within gorging distance, regardless of texture or nutritional value. Do you really want your penis hanging out there, when the whiff of whipped cream triggers her hard-wired urge to fatten?

At such time, your penis ceases to be the love spear upon which you hope to skewer her. Her brain registers it as little more than the snack of carbohydrates she needs to fuel the further eating of your testicles and face.

I'm currently writing a book about how to safely penetrate Harney (Hockeying Harney: available paperback, circa March 2009), and I don't want to give too much away. But suffice to say, I suggest Harney be fed before trying to mount her, for the reasons cited above. Not unlike the famous scene from Jurassic Park, I recommend putting a live goat into her enclosure, upon which she will feast before the love making. That way, she's unlikely to view any of your appendages as food.

dublinario

dublinario wrote: »

Agreed. I think you'd be playing a dangerous game, introducing food to Harney-lovin. She's not like us. You know in horror films, when the good guys finally impale/behead/shoot/stab one of the evil 'things'? One of the good guys will always prod the 'thing's carcass with a stick, at which time the mouth of the deceased killing machine will clamp-shut on reflex, causing the cast to flinch in terror, and the token black character to utter 'Da-yamn'.

Harney is comparable. Do you really think eating is a choice for her? Don't be so naive. She is an abomination of Darwinian Natural Selection; nature's perfect eating machine, genetically wired to consume everything within gorging distance, regardless of texture or nutritional value. Do you really want your penis hanging out there, when the whiff of whipped cream triggers her hard-wired urge to fatten?

At such time, your penis ceases to be the love spear upon which you hope to skewer her. Her brain registers it as little more than the snack of carbohydrates she needs to fuel the further eating of your testicles and face.

I'm currently writing a book about how to safely penetrate Harney (Hockeying Harney: available paperback, circa March 2009), and I don't want to give too much away. But suffice to say, I suggest Harney be fed before trying to mount her, for the reasons cited above. Not unlike the famous scene from Jurassic Park, I recommend putting a live goat into her enclosure, upon which she will feast before the love making. That way, she's unlikely to view any of your appendages as food.

/claps

ScumLord

Deleted User wrote: »

I'd go for some whipped cream myself. Rub it all over her

I imagine that would drive her soft trying to lick the cream she can't reach off. See'd be like a dog with an itch chasing it's arsehole around the room. She'd only be able to lick within a 6 inch diameter of your mouth and up to her elbows. That would be fun to watch for a while.

Dinter

ScumLord wrote: »

I imagine that would drive her soft trying to lick the cream she can't reach off. See'd be like a dog with an itch chasing it's arsehole around the room. She'd only be able to lick within a 6 inch diameter of your mouth and up to her elbows. That would be fun to watch for a while.

Yeah apparently in the old days at PD conferences after the speeches nobody listened to were out of the way, McDowell used to amuse the party faithful by sticking a half sucked lollipop on the small of her back.

She used to run round and round in circles desperately waving her short tubby arms trying to grab the sticky treat, until she collapsed from dizziness and dehydration. That's how McDowell dealt with leadership challenges in the day.

True story.

Fulton Crown

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

That's a bit presumptuous isn't it? For all we know Fulton could be a svelte little thing. Are you Fulton?

Trouser size 32" / 34" - some can be a little tight in the crotch area...but don't wanna boast.....;)

GhostInTheRuins

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

YOu die the woman's hair red, slap some green facepaint on her and viola - Princess Fiona.

Jaysus, you weren't wrong

Dinter

^^
Excellent.

Ulysses Gaze

How then can she be an appropriate figurehead for our health system?

Because she symbolises our health system. Bloated and inefficient.....

Lockstep

Kag, Dublinario and Dinter....

You sick b*stards.

Hilarious though.

kickoutthejams

kickoutthejams wrote: »

Kag, Dublinario and Dinter....

You sick b*stards.

Hilarious though.

I was in tears laughing writting some of that ****!

alices_wonder

gah poor mary

Terry

minister's_office@health.irlgov.ie

About to write one.

Anyone want to help?

Nehaxak

Terry wrote: »

About to write one.
Anyone want to help?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41APzy5kqBU

^^ For inspiration purposes.

Darragh29

I think we can all safely say we have done a lot worse!!! :D:D

Kashkai

I propose putting this forward as Boards funniest thread of the year.

I'm sitting at my desk hiding behind my pc's monitor with tears coming out of my eyes while covering my laughs with my hand over my mouth. Well done to one and all for cheering me up. :D

Slightly off topic but.....
What has a fat girl and a scooter got in common? They're both fun to ride so long as your mates don't see you!!!!

Oh and there's no amount of alcohol on earth that would induce such a state of beer goggle-fied intoxication that would make me want to get the ladder out to climb up there onto Mount Harney, strap a plank across my ass, put a caving helmet on and dive in.:eek:

S.I.R

dublinario wrote: »

I was staring slack-jawed at the telly the other day, when politico Stegosaurus Mary Harney sloped onto the screen. I was bored, and briefly flirted with the idea of using her as inspiration for a ****. She's just too ugly though, and it got me thinking: how absurd is it for our Minister for Health to be, not only unwankable, but clinically obese?

What kind of message does that foster, particularly in the age of pandemic obesity? The woman is clearly not a healthy weight; therefore she is clearly not healthy. How then can she be an appropriate figurehead for our health system?

its quite ironic, this point has been raised 1 million and one times...

but still, it be funny to push her down a hill to see how far she roles, im taking bets,

pm if interested

Radharc na Sleibhte

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Shoot me while I'm licking her out. With a bit of luck, you'll take us both out.

Now theres a true soldier.
Hats off to you sir.