guy/muslim girl relationships

neverneverland

Hi ya,

This is a great forum, I just came across it whilst ive been despairing a little.....

It's a relationship issue, I'd love to have someone to chat to about this, as none of my family of friends would ever understand.

Im irish, non-muslim going out with a muslim girl. We've been going out for about 1.5yrs now, and she has just returned home recently ... and the stress is now on our relationship.

I dont think or know if her parents will ever except me, being non-muslim. I'm really not happy about faking a convert to islam as I have too much respect for all religions to make a mockery of it, although I do spend alot of my time reading about Islam.

I've met all her friends and siblings, and it wasnt until graduation, when i turned up, that her parents suddenly may have realised (though not mentioned to her, but perhaps her sister) we are a little more serious than friends ... the looks on their faces haunt me even now.

I really really love this girl ... i dont know what to do, I think the pressures at home are really getting to her and to me, as she cant call or speak to me during the day, we cant meet up and im really despairing.....

I know guys must post this stuff but im not sure who else could help me.

Should i just pretend to be muslim for her fathers sake - but surely he will see straight through that...? Should I speak to him about us or talk to him about what i love about Islam (although there are things i dont agree with), or should I persuade my g/f to do it, mention to them? She said if they had asked her directly about me she would have just told them - i really wished they had asked her, but they seem afraid to, and she wont and doesnt want to provoke an arguement or even a serious family fall out??

Her mum is puttin pressure on her to get married as that is what is supposed to be happening at this stage in her life - although they wouldnt suggest anything arranged .. i think as my g/f is very strong minded ... although not when it comes to us and her family.

My only light, is that she will move from home again soon to a job away from her parents, but this is still very far from me, further even.

Thanks for reading.

wes

Well, I can't reccommend a fake conversion. If you don't believe, that would be pointless. I know a lot of people do this however, and they seem to pull it off.

As for how to deal with the parents, well thats tough. I guess the only thing to do would be to show that you make there daughter happy, but I wouldn't have a blessed clue on how to do that.

Anyway, I hope things work out for the best for you and your girl friend.

Agent Smith

Tell the Father and Mother that You respect Islam, But you couldnt convert, and would never expect their daughter to.

They may accept you for being non-muslim

Bottle_of_Smoke

Are you sure it's that you're not a Muslim? Maybe it's because you're white?(assuming you are)

WooPeeA

Few of my friends had same problem.. Most of them decided to meet in secret, but I wouln't recomend that I think. Very stressful for both.

Well, maybe I'm gonna have very similar problem soon.. I study Islam and ask muslim friends about things to be prepared for that before it happened (if ever).

Beyond all the religions is the fact that true love, no matter what, will survive everything. But, yeah.. good "business plan" might be very helpful there.

irishconvert

I am an Irish Muslim guy married to a muslim girl. I converted for real though.

First things first, is your gf happy with you as a non-Muslim? Do you plan on getting married? If so, and you have kids, what religion will they be? These are all questions you both need to address now as it will cause a lot of trouble later on if you don't. The parents will be the least of your worries!

Feel free to PM me if you want.

Jari

hi

first if the parents are good Muslim they will not allow u to marry her becoz Muslim woman can not marry non Muslim. second if u pretend to convert to Islam they will discover it one day and u will be in big trouble and after no one will trust u

Jari

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Are you sure it's that you're not a Muslim? Maybe it's because you're white?(assuming you are)

in Islam does not exist white ,black, yellow or any other color, Arab or non Arab, all they are the same in front of allah (god)

Bottle_of_Smoke

Jari wrote: »

in Islam does not exist white ,black, yellow or any other color, Arab or non Arab, all they are the same in front of allah (god)

Doesn't mean Muslims can't be racist, or Catholics won't eat fish on a Friday.

I thought there's something in Islam that married couples are supposed to be of the same skin tone/proportionate height etc.

irishconvert

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I thought there's something in Islam that married couples are supposed to be of the same skin tone/proportionate height etc.

Totally untrue.

Spyral

Faking = no.

As for what you disagree with find out what the actual teaching is before commiting. Talk to her dad/brothers mano a mano and discuss things. Diplomacy before action!

And love conquers all.. distance...religion... everything. Most of the islamic rules are probably there to ensure compatibility and the least amount of stress to both parties to be honest.

neverneverland

Thanks guys for all your replies.... appreciate your time and input

Notorious

Agent Smith wrote: »

Tell the Father and Mother that You respect Islam, But you couldnt convert, and would never expect their daughter to.

They may accept you for being non-muslim

I'd imagine you'd have to go down the conversion route if you did seriously want to marry. Muslim men can marry outside their religion, but women cannot. Its as simple as.

Good luck OP!

Fionnanc

Should have kept the rel;ationship secret from her family. Hope she comes back from her holiday. Relationships on dhimmi would be frowned upon. Best to expect to get the cold shoulder when she comes back. I'm afraid its an all or nothing deal. She has to choose between you and her family, Sorry bud, I think it was very dangerous of you to let her parents to think there is a relationship.

CPT. SURF

irishconvert wrote: »

Do you plan on getting married? If so, and you have kids, what religion will they be?

They will not be religious or attached to any particular religion. They will merely be the offspring of religious parents.

Edit: Subsequent to their inevitable "conversion" of course

irishconvert

CPT. SURF wrote: »

They will not be religious or attached to any particular religion. They will merely be the offspring of religious parents.

Edit: Subsequent to their inevitable "conversion" of course

What are you talking about? There is an obligation on a Muslim to bring their children up as Muslims. This could be a problem for the OP of his gf wants this and he is not happy about it.

CPT. SURF

irishconvert wrote: »

What are you talking about? There is an obligation on a Muslim to bring their children up as Muslims. This could be a problem for the OP of his gf wants this and he is not happy about it.

Just because there is an obligation on the parent/parents does absolutely nothing to prove that the child is religious in any way. Like I said it will merely be a child of Christian/Muslim/Jewish parents, not a Christian/Muslim/Jewish child.

It is often said that every child is a natural born scientist. You only have to look into a child's eyes to see this inherent sense of wonder about the natural world around them. All too often this curiosity and questioning is crushed by the call to faith rather than supported by the pursuit of knowledge and truth.

Jari

CPT. SURF wrote: »

Just because there is an obligation on the parent/parents does absolutely nothing to prove that the child is religious in any way. Like I said it will merely be a child of Christian/Muslim/Jewish parents, not a Christian/Muslim/Jewish child.

in Islam all children are born Muslim, is the parents who teach to be Muslim, Christian or Jewish.

CPT. SURF

I would love to debate with you Jari, especially seeing how you do not seem to understand what I am trying to say. Though I received a warning for my previous post and I do not want to get banned. I can see that it is "My way or the highway" around here so it is probably better to leave you guys alone. All the best

irishconvert

CPT. SURF wrote: »

Just because there is an obligation on the parent/parents does absolutely nothing to prove that the child is religious in any way. Like I said it will merely be a child of Christian/Muslim/Jewish parents, not a Christian/Muslim/Jewish child.

It is often said that every child is a natural born scientist. You only have to look into a child's eyes to see this inherent sense of wonder about the natural world around them. All too often this curiosity and questioning is crushed by the call to faith rather than supported by the pursuit of knowledge and truth.

Chief, you are totally missing the point here. I am pointing out a potential difficulty for the OP if his wife-to-be to be wants to rasie their children as practising Muslims and he does not want this. It is something he needs to consider.

Jari

CPT. SURF wrote: »

I would love to debate with you Jari, especially seeing how you do not seem to understand what I am trying to say. Though I received a warning for my previous post and I do not want to get banned. I can see that it is "My way or the highway" around here so it is probably better to leave you guys alone. All the best

hi

about what u want to debate. if u want to debate to know Islam that OK but if u want to debate for can be winner and loose i don't do that
thank you