Father seeing younger woman..

The Corinthian

TBH, even if you filter out the 'good on him' responses, you appear to simply be agreeing with those who are empathising with your antipathy towards your father. As I already pointed out, I also faced a not dissimilar situation, except my father and I are on very good terms. Others have given similar opinions.

You don't seem to have registered that your issue is not with the age of the woman your father is seeing, but simply with him. Was this thread just a chance to vent? If so why didn't you say so?

MojoMaker

Change the thread title, this has nothing to do with a younger woman.

Darragh29

The Corinthian wrote: »

TBH, even if you filter out the 'good on him' responses, you appear to simply be agreeing with those who are empathising with your antipathy towards your father. As I already pointed out, I also faced a not dissimilar situation, except my father and I are on very good terms. Others have given similar opinions.

You don't seem to have registered that your issue is not with the age of the woman your father is seeing, but simply with him. Was this thread just a chance to vent? If so why didn't you say so?

It's nice to think that this girl is in a relationship with the OP's father for the most genuine of reasons and true love can bridge any devide and all that. Lovely notions... There is also the fairly substantial possiblity in this day and age, that she is a gold digger and has notions of marrying a man for money, then as he retires and gets older, she'll be out clubbing and meeting up with men her own age. I can't understand how anyone here can say that a man in his late fiftes/early sixties and a woman in her early twenties, are going to be relationship material. It might not be illegal, but it is most likely going to end in tears in my opinion.

My father is in his early sixtes but if, within the last ten years, he got into a relationship with a twenty something year old, we wouldn't be having it, it's as simple as that. Any man in Ireland now at that age is asset rich in that they probably have a house that has been paid for and they bought years ago when property was affordable. The OP has said that her father has his own business, so here we have a high worth man seeing a girl younger than his daughter. She is a gold digging chancer, that's my 2 cents worth, and it must be very hard for you that your father can't see that.

Rowley Birkin QC

Darragh29 wrote: »

My father is in his early sixtes but if, within the last ten years, he got into a relationship with a twenty something year old, we wouldn't be having it, it's as simple as that.

And wtf would you/could you do about it Darragh?

aidan24326

Darragh29 wrote: »

She is a gold digging chancer, that's my 2 cents worth, and it must be very hard for you that your father can't see that.

Maybe she is, we don't know that though. But he's having sex with a young and presumably attractive girl who would normally be unavailable to someone of his age, so he's getting something good out of the deal too.

He may well know that this isn't real relationship material but is just enjoying his bit of fun while it lasts. Unless it gets to a stage where the foreign girl is definitely manipulating and using him then the OP should just butt out and mind her own frickin business. Too many presumptions going on here.

Keith186

At the end of the day...


Who's your Daddy?


He is and he's the only one you've got so let him have some fun, it's not like he's neglected you is it?

Darragh29

aidan24326 wrote: »

Maybe she is, we don't know that though. But he's having sex with a young and presumably attractive girl who would normally be unavailable to someone of his age, so he's getting something good out of the deal too.

He may well know that this isn't real relationship material but is just enjoying his bit of fun while it lasts. Unless it gets to a stage where the foreign girl is definitely manipulating and using him then the OP should just butt out and mind her own frickin business. Too many presumptions going on here.

Well you've established what he is getting out of it, but what you didn't mention is what is she getting out of it??? Please don't ask me to believe, with the greatest of respect to the OP's father, that she would find an elderly man heading into his sixties, more attractive than a man her own age.

Darragh29

bigkev49 wrote: »

And wtf would you/could you do about it Darragh?

Plenty. First thing I'd be doing is telling her the lay of the land and sending her packing. She'd work out fairly quickly that for the headache I'd give her, she'd find easier gold digging down the road with some other auld lad who doesn't have a family.

480905

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

Is he only allowed to be happy under your terms?

Maybe OP has another problem to contend with???? the mother . Does she know of the fathers new relationship? Is she influencing the OP's perception of the whole scenario?

Darragh29

480905 wrote: »

Maybe OP has another problem to contend with???? the mother . Does she know of the fathers new relationship? Is she influencing the OP's perception of the whole scenario?

The OP seems to have a genuine issue with this, as would I if I was in her situation. I don't know why people are looking for a subplot to her situation and implying that she is being influenced by a whole range of other factors...

aidan24326

Darragh29 wrote: »

Well you've established what he is getting out of it, but what you didn't mention is what is she getting out of it??? Please don't ask me to believe, with the greatest of respect to the OP's father, that she would find an elderly man heading into his sixties, more attractive than a man her own age.

Look I agree with you for the most part, the obvious assumption is that she's a gold digger. But an ASSUMPTION is what it is. We don't know this girl or the nature of their relationship. And how do you know that she doesn't find him attractive? He could be a handsome, charming man, confident and successful, lots of girls would be attracted by that. I'm not saying I think that's the most likely scenario (that her intentions are totally honest), just that we don't really know and it's just speculation.

Darragh29 wrote: »

Plenty. First thing I'd be doing is telling her the lay of the land and sending her packing. She'd work out fairly quickly that for the headache I'd give her, she'd find easier gold digging down the road with some other auld lad who doesn't have a family.

You're now looking at it as trying to protect what you see as your inheritance, but what your father does with his money is his business. He'd be quite entitled to tell you to fcuk off and so would she for that matter. None of your business.

Fol20

i dont see why this is an issue..I think you should be praising him for having some one of that age..Thats every mans dream when they hit that age..The only problem anyone could see out of this is inheritance but besides that i would be happy for your dad.Sure if she remains his gf your family will get the best of both worlds,where ye will get inheritance and he will have the time of his life with the 23 yr old...lets hope she doesnt overdue in the bed in case he has a heart attack;)

Darragh29

aidan24326 wrote: »

Look I agree with you for the most part, the obvious assumption is that she's a gold digger. But an ASSUMPTION is what it is. We don't know this girl or the nature of their relationship. And how do you know that she doesn't find him attractive? He could be a handsome, charming man, confident and successful, lots of girls would be attracted by that. I'm not saying I think that's the most likely scenario (that her intentions are totally honest), just that we don't really know and it's just speculation.

Well my take on this is that if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's proably a duck. It's not an assumption that tells me that she is a gold digger, it's my gut feeling and I've learnt a long time ago not to dismiss that and that's what I'd be acting on if I was in this situation.

aidan24326 wrote: »

You're now looking at it as trying to protect what you see as your inheritance, but what your father does with his money is his business. He'd be quite entitled to tell you to fcuk off and so would she for that matter. None of your business.

It wouldn't matter whether I was looking at it from the inheritance perspective or any other, she wouldn't be putting her shovel into my family.

The Corinthian

Darragh29 wrote: »

It's nice to think that this girl is in a relationship with the OP's father for the most genuine of reasons and true love can bridge any devide and all that.

Happens more often than you think. One of the things that we men have going for us, and you'll realize this the older you get, is that there's never a shortage of girls with an Electra complex out there.

There is also the fairly substantial possiblity in this day and age, that she is a gold digger and has notions of marrying a man for money

All of which is irrelevant to the OP or this thread TBH. I don't even know why we're discussing this any more.

My father is in his early sixtes but if, within the last ten years, he got into a relationship with a twenty something year old, we wouldn't be having it, it's as simple as that.

If I were your father and you attempted to interfere in my personal life, I suspect your inheritance from me would become very modest.

Fathers direct sons, not the reverse.

Marksie

The corinthian, darragh 29 et.al.

Dont take this any more off topic.

LegacyUser

Hold on The Corinthian, the notion that she may be a gold digger IS relevant to me and this thread because she's more than likely using my father and playing him for a fool. He unfortunatly does not have a lot more going for him apart from his money, and yes he is extremely asset rich. On the subject of whether my mother knows, no, we chose not to tell her as she'd be disgusted and upset at his behaviour yet again. Oh and in answer to the question of neglect, yes, he has neglected me, plenty of times.

Overheal

I should hope that when I reach 50 I will still have the love of my daughter when i decide to have sex with her best friend...

an awfully strange situation. maybe you should start dating a GILF and see how he feels. Honestly though this is out of your hands OP. Advise him about pre-nups though.

beth-lou

Hmmmmmmmm I wonder how people would feel if their 60 year old wealthy mother suddenly found herself a toy boy who was after a roof over his head and some easy money. I wonder would people have a problem with that if it landed itself on their door step.

It's very easy to say deal with it etc. The reality of the situation is far greater than the thread title itself and I am quite shocked at how nasty and petty some people are being. I thought this was a forum for helping people, not lambasting them and adding their own conspiracy theories on it while totally ignoring the facts. This thread is a bit strange to say the least. And it has nothing to do with the OP's problem which was pretty straight forward to begin with.

And remember, this is her father that you're gloating over scoring a young chick, not some aulfella down the pub. It's her da, the man she's supposed to look up to, admire, respect and depend on.
She's going to need some time to get her head around it. Maybe she never will. Maybe too much happened. That's her perrogative. But to belittle the bigger issues and to try and insinuate that it's all about inheritance shows a complete lack of understanding of the problems that lie within this relationship.

OP, for the record, I have a great relationship with my Dad. It involved a lot of giving up on him in the sense of him being my Dad and is now more of a friendship. It's not what I'd ideally like, but it's what I've got and it's fine. As far as inheritance goes, I couldn't care less about his money, none of us do. It's always been his, and he dishes it out when he wants, but it's his and we don't see it any other way, in much the same way as you I presume. I imagine if things were as tough financially for your Mam as you say, you learned pretty early on to depend on no one but yourself and never wait for someone else to pay your way. I know that's what we all learned form ours.

Chin up and let him have his fling.

stovelid

The Scientist wrote: »

I'm assuming the OP feels his/her inheritance is being threatened.
Rightly so. I wouldn't be too happy if i was in the OPs shoes either. In fact, i'd be disgusted.
A man approaching his 60's has no business going out with a 22/23yr old.

I know it isn't the full story here, but in response to this have to say: i'd rather not get a cent from my da, and for him to have love and companionship for the rest of his days. If I had any inkling that my child was thinking about me as an 'asset', I'd leave everything to a cat charity.

The age thing I can understand OP. It's would be hard to get my head around, but I'd try.

The Corinthian

beth-lou wrote: »

Hmmmmmmmm I wonder how people would feel if their 60 year old wealthy mother suddenly found herself a toy boy who was after a roof over his head and some easy money. I wonder would people have a problem with that if it landed itself on their door step.

I doubt any of us would feel that great about it, but the OP has not made any suggestion that this is the case or that she has any worries for her father's finances - quite the opposite.

It's very easy to say deal with it etc. The reality of the situation is fair greater than the thread title itself and I am quite shocked at how nasty and petty some people are being. I thought this was a forum for helping people, not lambasting them and adding their own conspiracy theories on it while totally ignoring the facts. This thread is a bit strange to say the least. And it has nothing to do with the OP's problem which was pretty straight forward to begin with.

I would agree that many have missed the point, however the OP's problem was not pretty straight forward to begin with.

As I and others have repeatedly pointed out, the issue for her has nothing to do with the younger woman - it's about her relationship with her father, her resentment at him having ill treated her mother and now being able to enjoy the financial fruits she feels he does not deserve.

Had he bought a flashy 100k+ Ferrari, it would have elicited the same type of disgust in her, TBH.

It is also now obvious that the OP came here to vent, not for help. Indeed, outside of agreeing or empathizing with her, what help did those responses that she thanked really do to help her?

Outside of validation, that is.

Darragh29

stovelid wrote: »

If I had any inkling that my child was thinking about me as an 'asset', I'd leave everything to a cat charity.

But at the same time it wouldn't have occured to you that some complete stranger outside the family could be eyeing you up for the same thing???

The Corinthian wrote: »

As I and others have repeatedly pointed out, the issue for her has nothing to do with the younger woman - it's about her relationship with her father, her resentment at him having ill treated her mother and now being able to enjoy the financial fruits she feels he does not deserve.

Had he bought a flashy 100k+ Ferrari, it would have elicited the same type of disgust in her, TBH.

Don't see how you are qualified to tell the OP what the source of her problems are to be honest, let alone how you could be qualified to tell her as you are, that she has completely minunderstood how this problem is affecting her, the nature of what she feels is wrong as opposed to what you know to be the root cause of her problems...

beth-lou

You're being petty. The young girlfriend is intertwined with all the other issues and yes it may be the trigger for her anger, but it is also the reminder that he isn't there for her or her mother. So what if this was her foot in the door to dicuss it? It's quite pedantic to keep going back to that point. It is a problem for her, along with other issues.

What did she get out of it. Well hopefully she'll see that it isn't such a big deal and something that you can get over. Hopefully she will accept him as he is and stop longing for the person that he isn't. Hopefully she'll realise that he's only human and is flawed like the rest of us. Hopefully she will see that someone who has had to deal with the same situation learned to accept the father she had and is very happy.

The Corinthian

Darragh29 wrote: »

Don't see how you are qualified to tell the OP what the source of her problems are to be honest, let alone how you could be qualified to tell her as you are, that she has completely minunderstood how this problem is affecting her, the nature of what she feels is wrong as opposed to what you know to be the root cause of her problems...

How I am qualified? For someone who has been spouting nothing but knee-jerk rubbish in this thread, I do find that accusation ironic.

beth-lou wrote: »

You're being petty. The young girlfriend is intertwined with all the other issues and yes it may be the trigger for her anger, but it is also the reminder that he isn't there for her or her mother. So what if this was her foot in the door to dicuss it? It's quite pedantic to keep going back to that point. It is a problem for her, along with other issues.

I'm only going back to that point because it does not appear to have registered for a lot of people, whether in favour or opposed to the relationship. We can discuss 'the younger woman' for thirty pages, but what is the point? Really? Outside of validating her anger?

What did she get out of it. Well hopefully she'll see that it isn't such a big deal and something that you can get over. Hopefully she will accept him as he is and stop longing for the person that he isn't. Hopefully she'll realise that he's only human and is flawed like the rest of us. Hopefully she will see that someone who has had to deal with the same situation learned to accept the father she had and is very happy.

I don't think she will. She vented and later returned to the thread thanking anyone who was able to share a "my father is a cnut" story. Resentment is still there, un-addressed and will continue to fester until the next reason he gives her to vent.

stovelid

Darragh29 wrote: »

But at the same time it wouldn't have occured to you that some complete stranger outside the family could be eyeing you up for the same thing???
.

My assets. If I want to give it all to a new girlfriend, I will.

Funnily enough, we love castigating a new (young) partner in these cases, but it's widely accepted (despite the fact that parents make enormous financial and emotional sacrifices to bring them up) that loads of children basically wait for them to die to get their house(s).

Anyway, unless you die testate and specify otherwise, kids are equal to wife, (and presumably trump girlfriend) in the inheritance stakes.

beth-lou

You really don't know what she will do.
Why does it irk you so much?

I think she has very valid reasons for her anger.
I think she needs to let go of that anger to move on.
And I hope she can do it.

What do you hope to achieve by your responses?

Darragh29

beth-lou wrote: »

You really don't know what she will do.
Why does it irk you so much?

I think she has very valid reasons for her anger.
I think she needs to let go of that anger to move on.
And I hope she can do it.

What do you hope to achieve by your responses?

Who are you putting these questions to??? Try using quote button!

beth-lou

Calm down darragh!!!!


I am responding to the Corinthian.

Darragh29

stovelid wrote: »

My assets. If I want to give it all to a new girlfriend, I will.

Funnily enough, we love castigating a new (young) partner in these cases, but it's widely accepted (despite the fact that parents make enormous financial and emotional sacrifices to bring them up) that loads of children basically wait for them to die to get their house(s).

Anyway, unless you die testate and specify otherwise, kids are equal to wife, (and presumably trump girlfriend) in the inheritance stakes.

This isn't all about inheritance. I wouldn't let someone selfishly walk into the life of any people I'm related to, take what they can and then depart. I also wouldn't let a gold digger make a show out of my father, turning him into some sort of Benny Hill character that the whole town would be laughing at.

Nevyn

Thread locked due to unhelpful bickering, if people want to take pot shots at each other they can do so via pm.

Wibbs

OK Darragh29 and The Corinthian. you've both been warned already. No more off topic crap, no "knee jerk rubbish" wind up BS or excessive use of exclamation marks. Basically the pair of you chill out or take a break. End of.