Few Quick 'Ums

rocky25

One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big grin.

She says, ''Not tonight honey,

I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay clean and fresh.''

The man feeling rejected rolls over and tries to go to sleep.

In a few minutes he rolls back over and asks his wife,

''Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school.

Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,

''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, Jimmy, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

''God Almighty!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said,

''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary,

''Who is our Lord and Savior?''

But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Jimmy came to the rescue and stuck her again.

''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said,

''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,

''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?''

And again, Jimmy jabbed her with the pin.

This time Mary jumped up and shouted,

''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

The Teacher fainted.

~~~~~~~~~~

Golf rules for beginners:

1) Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

2) Form a loose grip.

3) Keep your head down.

4) Avoid a quick back swing.

5) Stay out of the water.

6) Try not to hit anyone.

7) If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.

8) Don't stand directly in front of others.

9) Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.

10) Don't take extra strokes.

Now, that's very good. Flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.