Wednesday Uns

rocky25 · 08-10-2008 1:13am #1

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom.

She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.

While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.

They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite.

Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.

She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out.

But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England.

She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked,

'What man here will buy a lady a drink?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,

'Give the ballerina a drink!

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked,

'What man here will buy a lady a drink?

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said,

'Give the ballerina another drink!'

The bartender approached the little drunk and said,

'I say, old chap, it's none of my business if you want to buy the lady a drink,

but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina'?'

The drunk replied,

'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe.

As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says,

"The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you,
and then use your skins to build a canoe.

The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison."

The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says,

"Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please."

The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says,

"God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."

The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.

The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing?"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, fooker

GAAman · 08-10-2008 1:37am

Damn rock dont you sleep?

Loved all of them!

rocky25 · 08-10-2008 9:34am

GAAman wrote: »

Damn rock dont you sleep? Loved all of them!

Cheers GAAman

I was on the sofa last night, the missus was annoyed with me

All because she asked me what her favourite Flowers was :mad:

Me been me answered "Self Raising"

I'll be paying for that one for weeks

whiskeyman · 08-10-2008 9:57am

rocky25 wrote: »

Cheers GAAman

I was on the sofa last night, the missus was annoyed with me

All because she asked me what her favourite Flowers was :mad:

Me been me answered "Self Raising"

I'll be paying for that one for weeks

Brilliant!!!