Some old jokes

patmac

Apologies if these were done before.
One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So he asked his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action.
'Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?'








'Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in comicland.
Why don't you try her?' replied Batman

'I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends.
So I don't really want to take advantage of her.'

'Damn shame.' said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.


Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a

city when he saw the Green Lantern.
'Hey Hal, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor, who's the best babe in
comicland?'

'Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in comicland, why don't you try her?'




'Well, we're sort of friends,' Superman said, 'but I didn't realize she had gotten around so much.' and he flew off in frustration.



Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart.


Superman was tempted. He
thought to himself, 'I'm faster than a speeding
bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I'm here.'
So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and
gone. Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a
dazed ___expression. 'What the hell was that??' she
exclaimed.

'I don't know,' said the Invisible Man as he
rolled off, 'but my ass is killing me.'

---

Chinese Wedding Night


A young Chinese restaurant waiter gets married to a Chinese virgin hair dresser. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.





He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring, 'he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you,I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.

You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.


A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try something I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69.'


More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...


'You want... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?.

---

A nun and a priest were crossing the Saharadesert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After along period of silence, the priest spoke.
'Well, sister, this looks pretty grim.' 'I know, father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.'

'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me ?'

'Anything, Father.'

'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'
'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'
The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

'Sister, would you mind if I touched them ?'

She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

'Father, could I ask something of you ?'

'Yes, Sister ?'

'I have never seen a man's penis . Could I see yours ?'

'I suppose that would be OK,' the priest replied, lifting his robe.

'Oh Father, may I touch it ?'

This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can produce life.'

'Is that true father ?'

'Yes, it is, Sister.'

'Oh Father that's wonderful, stick it in the camel and let's get the **** out of here.'

rocky25

Love the second one, good stuff Pat

dh0661

1 funny, 2 funnier, 3 funniest - all deserve 5 stars.

GAAman

Third one was the best pat

coldfire1x

all of them are real good