Some jokes for the blokes :D

GAAman

I am sure some of them have been here before but i think a good few haven't so here they are

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why do women fake orga $ ms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's $ ex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are $ exy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

rocky25

GAAman wrote: »

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

I have done this many times

Great stuff GAAman

Insect Overlord

GAAman wrote: »

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's $ ex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

I've seen all of these before, but the quoted ones still had me struggling not to burst out laughing in college!

coldfire1x

Thats brilliant post...

dh0661

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
& O L L O X