homesickness - how to deal?

Crumble Froo

basically, what it says on the title.

how do you deal with it? is it an issue? was it ever an issue? how long til it stopped being an issue?

not quite sure what im hoping for... maybe just knowing that im not the only one, or how to cope iwth it. back home, i had what i'd call the best mates in the world, a job i loved, in a flat i loved, with a housemate i loved.

aaaaaand now... well...

i love my job and my fella. that's about it.

i miss home so much that i've kinda stopped contacting people from there, cos it just sucks hearing from them... hard to explain really... just kinda pretending they're not there is easier than acknowledging it.

hussey

After my travel buddy left I got home sick, mainly as everyone I knew was a 'new' friend, not the same history etc etc

I enjoyed sydney, but was thinking of coming home, after a while I started to make new friends, it was better but still not home.

I had a friends wedding a few months later and I was home for that, after 3 weeks I didn't want to leave, i literally was going to cancel my flight. everything was just right.

I came back, now the friends I made before I left moved on and I was stuck with a handful of people, luckily 4 friends from home (2 couples who didn't know each other) all arrived, my social life grew 200% ... summer came and passed and I didn't even think about home.

Now I get homesick sometimes, but no way near I was 2 years ago, but I find by surrounding myself with my friends is the easiest way to get rid of it.

My only advice is go out and be social, meet new people, don't become one of 'those couples ' it is hard, but I believe it is worth it.

We are all in the same boat sometimes.

Crumble Froo

hussey wrote: »

I had a friends wedding a few months later and I was home for that, after 3 weeks I didn't want to leave, i literally was going to cancel my flight. everything was just right.

officially moved here last christmas, back a couple of weeks now from a 3 week holiday back home (ex-housemate flew me back cos my fave band were playing electric picnic - see what i mean about best mates in the world?!), and ****, i'd been coming to terms with living here before going back home, and just being back, one of the three people i'd've considered sorta mates has kinda said 'nah, too busy to see you anytime before next march, btw, you'll need to get your board out of my garage'. which kinda stung a bit. and the other has been oddly distant (one text, saying can we meet up tomorrow, i said nah sorry working, what about the weekend... not heard from him in over a week now)... i just... well, im not the most sociable person in the world... but company is nice. one of my mates, ive been best mates with since we were 5. i've kinda always had someone there. and i dont have that anymore. and it's really hard for me to deal with sometimes.

I came back, now the friends I made before I left moved on and I was stuck with a handful of people, luckily 4 friends from home (2 couples who didn't know each other) all arrived, my social life grew 200% ... summer came and passed and I didn't even think about home.

awww... glad for ya. vaguely jealous :P but glad for you

Now I get homesick sometimes, but no way near I was 2 years ago, but I find by surrounding myself with my friends is the easiest way to get rid of it.

i dont even wanna think about where ill be 2 years from now. if plans go well, ill be a resident! :eek: but that's a big if. my problem is that i dont really have friends to surround myself with. one guy i could consider a decent mate here... but he works nights while i work days, and is generally difficult to get hold of. i usually pop into his place of work for a hot chocolate on weekends, and can have a catch up then, but definitely not the kinda mate i could 'surround' myself with at this point and time. twas good while his arm was broken though

My only advice is go out and be social, meet new people, don't become one of 'those couples ' it is hard, but I believe it is worth it.

well... we dont do a lot as a couple, except live together. he sleeps through the day, i have early nights cos have a physically demanding job, and need to be up for a 9hr shift by 6/7am. e.g, he's asleep now, there's no surf so i can get out surfing, and am just hanging with his son, playing guitar hero, posting on here, and we'll all settle down to watch a film later.

bah... i dont mean to sound ungrateful... i love my fella to bits, hell, like i say, he's the only reason im here in the first place.
just feels like either way, i never get to have my cake and eat it...

*wonders if this should have gone to PI*

We are all in the same boat sometimes.

no doubt... thanks for your post though...

2 years from now, ill be sure to check in and let ye know how im doing

Zambia

Homesickness is a hard thing to fathom and you are dead right on the cake and eat it to comment. Best you can do is stop looking over your shoulder. Spend as much time as you can coming up with diverse things to do. I may take some time but in the end you find your slot then you find returning.

Oh and if it helps aways refer to Home as something you build yourself, not a place you spent a lot of time. To me Belfast is currently home as that's where the wife is. A place that i have few friends and no history in, plus most of my neighbours seem not to like me ...

Crumble Froo

i get the stop looking over my shoulder thing... but at the same time... i would like to stay mates with the people i now consider mates... not like any of us have changed yet, i was away for 7 months, and coming home was really just like being 'home' again. seems a bit odd to just 'stop looking over my shoulder' and forget about them.

though have started surfing since i got here, which i absolutely love, and have gone rock climbing a fair few weekends too... man, best views in new zealand are from the rocky headlands, im tellin ya.

maybe it's just cos im a bit of a weirdo, but after doing surfing lessons for a few months, and talking to tonnes of randomers at punk/local gigs, and meeting a fair few people... i almost think that the only people who could possibly wana be mates with me, are the ones back home :P

Zambia

Crumble Froo wrote: »

i get the stop looking over my shoulder thing... but at the same time... i would like to stay mates with the people i now consider mates... not like any of us have changed yet, i was away for 7 months, and coming home was really just like being 'home' again. seems a bit odd to just 'stop looking over my shoulder' and forget about them.

though have started surfing since i got here, which i absolutely love, and have gone rock climbing a fair few weekends too... man, best views in new zealand are from the rocky headlands, im tellin ya.

maybe it's just cos im a bit of a weirdo, but after doing surfing lessons for a few months, and talking to tonnes of randomers at punk/local gigs, and meeting a fair few people... i almost think that the only people who could possibly wana be mates with me, are the ones back home :P

Excellent sounds like you are on the right track anyway, I should clarify just because you stop looking over your shoulder it does not mean those people are not there. Or your attachment to them should fade. True friends as corny as it sounds are always true friends distance aside.

If you are anything like me your mates from back home where mates for years and the attachments run deep. From years of growing up living in each others lives.

Just trust me when I tell you that in time this all fits into place. Enjoy where you are when your there, in time you could be somewhere else and wind up missing where you are. Life is funny like that.

Crumble Froo

my next tattoo shall almost definitely include the words 'is ait an mac an saol'... (heh, grammar check included later)... but aye, i get the end of that post a lot, definitely rings true.

it's one of those weird things i was terrified of going home, cos this is such a big year in life... in the past year, of hte peeps i was in school with, one's got her degree, one's engaged and living with her fella, one's got a baby, one's just kinda working and stuff, and im emigrated... just seems like such a massive amount of change... but in my head, everything seems to just stop at where i left it... and half expects it all to be the way i left it, without allowing for all the change that's happening everyone/where else.
something scary about... like... i've always been there for the change before... but amn't there for it now, and will get left behind.

i know it's silly. nad i kinda proved to myself that it's just a silly head thing by going back this time... but it is still kinda a worry, that people will move on and forget about me... and when i go back, i just wont fit in as well as i did.

but never mind that bleakness... corniness ftw!

DenMan

Hi Crumble Froo

Homesickness can be a very hard thing to deal with especially if you had a lot of friends back home. When I first went to the UK (only next door I know) I went out on my own. I knew I always had home to back to, but I wanted to get away and broaden my horizons. I got involved in local theatre and music (I went to a lot of metal gigs) and met a lot of friends.

The second time I went to work in Malta (again went out on my own). English is a third language over there (behind Maltese and Italian). I just tried my best to fit in. I worked for a TV company and through that met a lot of good people. I got involved in writing workshops, local theatre and music. I have to say Music has been my saviour over the years, it has got me through some very good and bad times. Find out what you are good at and what you enjoy doing (inside and outside of work).

You always have the option to return home if you want, but integrating into a new culture/society shows great iniatitive and enthusiasm on your part. You are there now so take the full advantage of it. You may never get another opportunity again, and the one you have right now you may decide to run with it and enjoy it to your very best. Good luck with it.

Also we are always here on the boards, 24 hours a day.

pucan

Organise a boards beers?

One Cold Hand

Hey Crumble!

Sorry to hear about the homesickness! Hopefully it will pass. I don't miss home too much, but I think that's because I know I'll be home a year or so.
You seem to be doing the right with the surfing and rock climbing. Did you join a rock climbing club, or do you just head on your own? I joined a bouldering gym recently, and the lads (and lassies!) there are always taking trips out of the city for weekends. If you could head along to a rock climbing centre and get involved, the people there are always pretty sounds and I'd say they'd be more than happy to have you along for a weekend.
You seem like a pretty outdoorsey type person, so I'd say any of these types of clubs would be good craic...orienteering, hillwalking etc.
Where are you living, btw?
Good luck...

Crumble Froo

pucan wrote: »

Organise a boards beers?

yet to hear of any other boardsies in this section of the wrong side of the world. anyone in chch, giz a PM!

One Cold Hand wrote: »

Hey Crumble!

Sorry to hear about the homesickness! Hopefully it will pass. I don't miss home too much, but I think that's because I know I'll be home a year or so.
You seem to be doing the right with the surfing and rock climbing. Did you join a rock climbing club, or do you just head on your own? I joined a bouldering gym recently, and the lads (and lassies!) there are always taking trips out of the city for weekends. If you could head along to a rock climbing centre and get involved, the people there are always pretty sounds and I'd say they'd be more than happy to have you along for a weekend.
You seem like a pretty outdoorsey type person, so I'd say any of these types of clubs would be good craic...orienteering, hillwalking etc.
Where are you living, btw?
Good luck...

i hope it does. i go from feeling fine and at peace (had a great surf yesterday, slooooowly progressing to not a complete embarasment), to days like today, i just feel stressed, miserable, totally on-edge and just... well, miserable.

yeah, if i knew i'd be home in a year, it wouldnt be so bad... it's just knowing that this is it... this is my new life, how it stays, it all progresses from here, there's no real going back (ok, obviously i could go back, but i wouldnt be able to bring me fella iwth me, which makes the last year quite pointless, really), and **** i just feel so lonely.

surfing, i started lessons last easter, and have managed to meet a couple of people thorugh that. once the swell's back (lull season at the mo), ill be re-enrolling for the sunday women's classes, which is, i think, what i want. in general, i dont get on so well with women... but in sports situations, men tend to intimidate me :O

and the rock climbing is with my fella's mate from way back when (who i still havent seen since i got back ), he's into his outdoor adventures and just goes to beaches and starts climbing we get on pretty well, have a tonne in common, and are quite comfortable in silence with each other, just a bummer he's not gotten back to me at all in the last three weeks.

outdoorsy stuff sounds good. had been hoping to do some martial arts since i moved here, but it's just massively pricey here. ill have to see what else is around, i have a gimpy knee which means i cna't push myself too hard, for fear of the weeks of agony ill be under (and i mean waking in the night naerly in tears it hurts so much sometimes).

last couple of days been a bit rocky with my fella too. stressed me out a bit more, kinda adds to the misisng home and what am i doing here aspects, but i know that it'll pass, i just need to sit down and talk my **** out.

on the upside... i've been invited to a halloween party, by a friend of the guy i go rockclimbing with, WHO is actually my own age... so this should be interesting. i think im gonna force myself to go. should be very interesting.

stupid costume essential rule though

BattyInNZ

Hi there. I've been in Auckland since June 05 and went back in August for the first time. I know what you mean about not wanting to go because I was like that too - I went without my husband (a Kiwi) and I was afraid that I might want to stay when I got there. I'm really happy here but you never know do you? Anyway, it was awful leaving the family but I'm fine again now. I've lived away before and it's awfully deceptive when you're only going home on holiday. You end up going back and then you're not there very long when you realise why you wanted to leave in the first place! :rolleyes: There are days when I think about my nephews and I could cry for Ireland, especially when there's one born and all I can see is a photo!

I was lucky that I didn't have close friends there (I've lived so many places that I never got really close to anyone) but I do here for the first time in my life and I couldn't imagine being without them now. I think friends are harder to leave than family really.

This isn't much help but just to say that it's normal what you're going through and all you can do is what you're already doing. Good luck.

Ozeire

Hey Crumble

Sorry to hear about the homesickness. It effects all of us at some stage or the other . The weird thing for me i guess it was the other way round for me . I spent the year in Oz back in 2000 / 2001. I wasl ucky enough to have a great paying job , place to live . Also to meet the love of my life but it was in the last month of my stay .

So when i left at the end of 2001 and came back home i found myself missing Oz more than i ever missed Ireland when i was there. Its true that home isn't a physical place in the world but a place that you are most happy .

What best to do and i know its not easy but look at your new life as a new start. Somuch out there that you can do . Ireland is only ever 24 hrs away.

Do as your doing get out and meet as many new friends as you can. Don't try comparing them to friends back in Ireland . As everyone is different . And you know what one day you will actually think of where you are right now as home .

The way things are here in Ireland at the moment you're better off there . Jobs being lost left right n center here .

If you ever get a chance drop by the site would love to have little section of your story in it .You might be able to help advise others .

Catch you later

Al

Crumble Froo

Ozeire wrote: »

If you ever get a chance drop by the site would love to have little section of your story in it .You might be able to help advise others .

thanks for the post... and everyone who's posted on this thread... but i have to ask... the bit ive quoted here... what's it referring to?

thanks for all the support, guys. was at a halloween party last ngiht, was most excellent! thnk i may have met some people i shall soone nough be able to call 'freinds' but i guess time alone shall tell. either wya... thanks. and im drunk. so shall not waffle

Ozeire

Sorry should have said

ust ozeire.com always looking for new people with stories and tips about life down under

So others can know what to look forward to

Al