Hook-ups gone wrong (aka make me feel better)

LegacyUser

I just had a really bizaare experience.. I'm kind of new to the whole gay sex thing, so that's making me feel even worse.

Basically, I got chatting to this guy online, we were both feeling horny, so I went over to his place. He was an attractive guy, well built. I like to think I'm attractive too. Anyway, no sooner was I in the door that he was all over me. We'd barely said hello before his tongue was down my throat.

So we got down to business. He seemed to be enjoying it a lot. We started to do the biz, and he was going great guns. It was really pretty great once we got down to it. He was close to finishing, but I asked him to slow down (cos I wanted this to last), so he stopped and we kind of 'took a break' where we were just lying there and engaging in some heavy petting.. but then..he lost his hard-on, basically. I tried my best to get him back, but about 10 minutes later, it was flops-ville. I don't know if it's related, but just prior to that he'd taken some poppers.

He was polite about it, he got up and had a shower, and then came back and 'asked' if we could leave it at that. I was disappointed obviously, but it was grand. But then he started to explain himself..initially he just said "the moment was lost, i guess", but then he started to more subtly turn it on me, saying he usually goes for bulkier guys, and then maybe in a few years when I'm bigger I'll be 'really hot'.

WTF? Not 5 minutes earlier he was at me like there was no tomorrow!

Was he covering for his own performance, or was I really a crap shag? Like I say, he seemed to be well into it prior to that, complimenting me on various attributes etc. As far as I know he hadn't been drinking. But now I feel **** I don't have a tonne of experience, but this was the first time anything like this happened!

Reassure me?

LegacyUser

well I'd say that it's nothing to do with you, it was just the way he likes to have sex. quick and energetic. When you took the break he had lost the need. I wouldn't think it has anything to do with you. anyway you're strangers so it's hard to know the other persons turn ons from a first encounter. just move on to the next one.

bp1989

to be honest i think it's because he was embarressed for having lost his erection, so he placed the blame on you to make himself feel better. nobody wants to feel like they can't perform.

Boston

Sounds like he was up for it as long as he could do it fast and not think about what he was doing. Thats not to say theirs anything wrong with you just that casual sex can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, and maybe these set in while you where just doing heavy petting.

That said, it could be any number of reasons, one of which likely occurred to him when you guys stopped.

You mentioned you're new to the gay sex thing so here's a link to the dangers of poppers. Also, I'm in no way judging here, meeting people online like that can be very dangerous. There are numerous sites online offering advice about meeting up, just be careful.


Good luck.

BuffyBot

Unregistered wrote: »

Reassure me?

Crap, as they say, happens.

If this is the worst thing that'll happen in your dating life (be it gay, straight or anything in between) you'll be doing well

Dwn Wth Vwls

Unregistered wrote: »

no sooner was I in the door that he was all over me. We'd barely said hello before his tongue was down my throat.

He wanted to get off and you were the most convenient guy with a pulse. Slowing things down just gave him time to think, where he probably realised you were a complete stranger and he had no interest in you. His fantasy turned into a reality he didn't want.

It's understandable that you feel a bit threatened by what happened, but I think you should take it as a learning experience about your own self-esteem and insecurities. If you judge yourself based on other peoples' opinions of you, then you're just setting yourself up to need validation and reassurances. You need to love and accept yourself for who you are, and if other people don't appreciate you, that's their problem.

Boston

Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »

He wanted to get off and you were the most convenient guy with a pulse. Slowing things down just gave him time to think, where he probably realised you were a complete stranger and he had no interest in you. His fantasy turned into a reality he didn't want.

I'd say the same.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys.. I've calmed down a bit about this, and kind of feel it was all a bit silly in hindsight.

Just to clarify, I never have and never will use poppers myself. I also read they can cause a loss of erection, so I don't know if that was a factor here (he pretty much lost his straight after he took them). We were being safe(r) also.

I don't often do the casual sex thing..hence my inexperience! Stuff like this doesn't enamour me toward it though, I have to say. It is definitely better with someone you know..

DubArk

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys.. I've calmed down a bit about this, and kind of feel it was all a bit silly in hindsight.

Just to clarify, I never have and never will use poppers myself. I also read they can cause a loss of erection, so I don't know if that was a factor here (he pretty much lost his straight after he took them). We were being safe(r) also.

I don't often do the casual sex thing..hence my inexperience! Stuff like this doesn't enamour me toward it though, I have to say. It is definitely better with someone you know..

Good man that's the way to look at it!

I think most of us could say that we’ve been there - bought the T-Shirt!!

Keep Safe!:)

Boston

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys.. I've calmed down a bit about this, and kind of feel it was all a bit silly in hindsight.

Just to clarify, I never have and never will use poppers myself. I also read they can cause a loss of erection, so I don't know if that was a factor here (he pretty much lost his straight after he took them). We were being safe(r) also.

I don't often do the casual sex thing..hence my inexperience! Stuff like this doesn't enamour me toward it though, I have to say. It is definitely better with someone you know..

Well it is a muscle relaxant, though I didn't think it had an affect on that area.

Also, when I talk about being safe I don't just mean condoms and the like. More keeping yourself safe from the nutjobs out there.

Anyway, glad to see you're knocking this one up to experience.

Best of luck

seahorse

Sorry OP, but if you're going to sleep with total strangers you're bound to have negative experiences as a result. Randomers who've no real interest in you and no sense of caring towards you will reflect that in their behaviour, it's just simple logic.