Worst sexual experience

Sir Gallagher · 19-10-2008 4:38pm

Lux23 wrote: »

Aren't you very kind. Are you some sort of bodily fluids freak?

I heard a similar one about a girl pooing on some guys chest but it was planned!:p

I draw the line at ponys!

Captain Slow IRL · 19-10-2008 4:47pm

With a girl one night, long story short, she had hairy nipples - hairier than mine! I've picked hairs out of my mouth before after sexual encounters, but never that far north!

Lux23 · 19-10-2008 4:49pm

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

With a girl one night, long story short, she had hairy nipples - hairier than mine! I've picked hairs out of my mouth before after sexual encounters, but never that far north!

Was it stubbly? Big long black hairs? More details.

AlmightyCushion · 19-10-2008 4:52pm

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

With a girl one night, long story short, she had hairy nipples - hairier than mine! I've picked hairs out of my mouth before after sexual encounters, but never that far north!

Did she have an adams apple?

Captain Slow IRL · 19-10-2008 4:53pm

Long, pube-like, hairs all around the nipple.

Before that, I never knew women could have hair up there!

EDIT - @ AC, she didn't - she was fookin sexy! (still is!)

Vain · 19-10-2008 4:58pm

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

With a girl one night, long story short, she had hairy nipples - hairier than mine! I've picked hairs out of my mouth before after sexual encounters, but never that far north!

Pics or gtfo

Captain Slow IRL · 19-10-2008 5:01pm

Vain wrote: »

Pics or gtfo

Mine or hers?!

19-10-2008 5:01pm

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

Long, pube-like, hairs all around the nipple.

Before that, I never knew women could have hair up there!

EDIT - @ AC, she didn't - she was fookin sexy! (still is!)

they don't

Vain · 19-10-2008 5:02pm

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

Mine or hers?!

Both :pac:

Quality · 19-10-2008 5:02pm

Best story for me, happened many years ago..

A friend of mine was seeing this bloke, anyhow she was in his house one sunday morning, (he still lived at home). She was getting oral off him, but he was chewing gum, the gum got stuck in her pubes... they couldnt find a scissors to cut it out, so they had to use a carving knife!!!

The worst thing about it was, she stayed for dinner that day, and they had a roast for dinner!!!:eek:

What a lovely family dinner!!!!

ottostreet · 19-10-2008 5:04pm

haven't had any bad experiences. im actually really good at sex. i have it down to 20 seconds.

Captain Slow IRL · 19-10-2008 5:04pm

Deleted User wrote: »

they don't

They do!! I have the mental scars to prove it

Vain · 19-10-2008 5:04pm

Quality wrote: »

Best story for me, happened many years ago..

A friend of mine was seeing this bloke, anyhow she was in his house one sunday morning, (he still lived at home). She was getting oral off him, but he was chewing gum, the gum got stuck in her pubes... they couldnt find a scissors to cut it out, so they had to use a carving knife!!!

The worst thing about it was, she stayed for dinner that day, and they had a roast for dinner!!!:eek:

What a lovely family dinner!!!!

Sure it all ends up in the same place in the end anyway..:p

19-10-2008 5:05pm

Quality wrote: »

Best story for me, happened many years ago..

A friend of mine was seeing this bloke, anyhow she was in his house one sunday morning, (he still lived at home). She was getting oral off him, but he was chewing gum, the gum got stuck in her pubes... they couldnt find a scissors to cut it out, so they had to use a carving knife!!!

The worst thing about it was, she stayed for dinner that day, and they had a roast for dinner!!!:eek:

What a lovely family dinner!!!!

Sick lol!

Nearly there now quality

Lux23 · 19-10-2008 5:05pm

Deleted User wrote: »

they don't

Well some clearly do or else he wouldn't have got a mouth full of hair.

Vain · 19-10-2008 5:06pm

ottostreet wrote: »

haven't had any bad experiences. im actually really good at sex. i have it down to 20 seconds.

Wait till the first time you have sex with a women now it will be 5 seconds. You are the master.;)

19-10-2008 5:07pm

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

They do!! I have the mental scars to prove it

LOL -I have heard about one other person with the hairy nipple syndrome (don't ask how i know) and she is actually very sexy

Wonder is it the same girl!

Sir Gallagher · 19-10-2008 5:11pm

"This bloke i know" was doing the bold thing doggystyle with his girlfriend a couple of months ago, while it was happening it slipped out, problem was her hand was down in that region too and when it slipped out she scraped the top of his cock with her nail, there was blood and nearly tears.

19-10-2008 5:14pm

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

"This bloke i know" was doing the bold thing doggystyle with his girlfriend a couple of months ago, while it was happening it slipped out, problem was her hand was down in that region too and when it slipped out she scraped the top of his cock with her nail, there was blood and nearly tears.

:eek: :eek:

There are acceptable times to cry!

DaraDali · 19-10-2008 5:31pm

Was going out with this girl a while back and we were on the couch just kissin and messin around,,, So my hand wondered down to finger about... per say!

all of a sudden the front door opens and it gave us enough time to compose ourselfs anyways her dad comes in and says Oh this is (My name) glad to meet ya,,, I thought after wards wat hand i used to shake his hand,,, Lol

Vain · 19-10-2008 5:33pm

DaraDali wrote: »

Was going out with this girl a while back and we were on the couch just kissin and messin around,,, So my hand wondered down to finger about... per say!

all of a sudden the front door opens and it gave us enough time to compose ourselfs anyways her dad comes in and says Oh this is (My name) glad to meet ya,,, I thought after wards wat hand i used to shake his hand,,, Lol

Just say you were eating a bag of skips:D

Captain Slow IRL · 19-10-2008 5:40pm

Vain wrote: »

Just say you were eating a bag of skips:D

No, prawn cocktail:D

RugbyFanatic · 19-10-2008 5:43pm

With this American girl brought me back to her hostel where she was sharing a room with her friends so obviously we couldn't do the business in there. Things started getting heated but we had nowhere to go eventually I decided we should have sex in the elevator. Unfortunately the hostel was only 3 floors so every 10 seconds when the elevator reached the top or bottom floor the door would open. It was about 5am so we didnt expect anyone would be using the elevator and thought we could get away with it. Anyways the elevator reaches the bottom floor as I am doing her doggy style, the door opens and we are greeted by 7 Spanish girls just staring at us there was complete silence for what felt like an enternity their faces white with shock.. I just pressed the button again they just stood there in silence as the doors slowly closed. It was absolutely hilarious

I ended up finish her off down the corridor, we had already been seen so!

And yes I am a classy man.

homerun_homer · 19-10-2008 9:15pm

Surprised no one has mentioned a broken banjo string yet. It happened to a friend of mine after a girl was a bit too enthusiastic with her hand.

Heard a funny story about a friend of a friend who got addicted to porn. He just got obsessed and bought anythign he could get his hands on. One night he's doing his gf dossy style and that just wasn't good enough for him. So he looks round the room for any object, picks up a nearby tooth brush and shoves it up her bum.
After that he sorta realised he had to get rid of his porn obsession.

Insect Overlord · 19-10-2008 9:30pm

Very few bads ones that I can think of.

Worst that comes to mind is a brutal attempt at a handjob I recieved aged 17. She thought she just had to keep pulling down. Not up and down, or whatever technique you're having yourself. Just down as far as it would go. The silly girl got pretty surprised when told her to stop, she obviously approved of what I had been doing :cool:
I can still remember the pain though

Thank Jebus for Spanish summer-time flings!

Gummy Panda · 19-10-2008 9:45pm

homerun_homer wrote: »

Surprised no one has mentioned a broken banjo string yet. It happened to a friend of mine after a girl was a bit too enthusiastic with her hand.

haha that happen to my friend. Was during sex with the gf and not getting hand relief from her iirc.

We were all in the pub talking crap and someone asked him what he got up to the other night. he told us he broke his banjo string like it was a mark of honour.

portomar · 19-10-2008 9:52pm

homerun_homer wrote: »

Surprised no one has mentioned a broken banjo string yet. It happened to a friend of mine after a girl was a bit too enthusiastic with her hand

.

you will wait no longer my friend! guy i knew in this campsite in germany was riding this french girl. he was riding her in her tent eraly on morning, both completely buckled, anyway, he said it was realy good, drunk rough sex and it took him ages to come (as happens when you're drunk sometimes) and he finished off and fell back off her panting, feeling very happy with himself, dragged the condom off unceremoniously, basically tugged it till it snapped off, and he had ripped his string. the best line was the end

"so shes just looking up at the roof of the tent with this weird french expression, and the roof of the tent is just COVERED with blood and cum!" and then he looks down and hes pumping blood! classic

godtabh · 19-10-2008 10:19pm

A lad I know was telling a story that he was giving it loads to this girl he knew doggy style and during the course of it **** ever where.

They were down stairs in the parents living room on a nice white carpet that was apparently very expensive.

They couldn't clean it so blamed it on the dog. I think the dog got put down after it as well

portomar · 19-10-2008 10:22pm

kearnsr wrote: »

A lad I know was telling a story that he was giving it loads to this girl he knew doggy style and during the course of it **** ever where.

They were down stairs in the parents living room on a nice white carpet that was apparently very expensive.

They couldn't clean it so blamed it on the dog. I think the dog got put down after it as well

1) urban legend, heard this off three separate people

2) it was up the arse, why would a girl shi*te everywhere from doggy style!!???

tony1kenobi · 19-10-2008 10:38pm

portomar wrote: »

2) it was up the arse, why would a girl shi*te everywhere from doggy style!!???

A review of his performance?

Worst sexual experience

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