Worst sexual experience

Blunder

Not a personal sexual experience but here goes,

Work away from home and company i work for have a B&B rented and only employees are in it. Anyway one sunday night i got down late at about half 1 or 2 to find the door of the room next door lying on the floor in the corridor. Thought nothing of it at that point. Anyway i climbed into bed and heard the first of the lads return home from their night out and riding duely began upstairs. I soon fell asleep only to be woken up by this noise at 5am. Banging and screaming and moaning and slapping etc. It was from the room next door that had no door. It was like they were in the room with me they were that clear. Anyway this continued for about half an hour and you could tell he was having a bit of trouble sealing the deal. anyway her moaning and groaning became muffled as if she had her mouth full. At this stage I got some ear plugs as i could take no more. The next morning met the lads at breakfast and the conversation turned to the antics from the night before. All 29 lads in the b&b heard the action and asked him how he got on to which he replied 'Well lads, as you might have heard I rode her twice last night but I couldnt come even after a bj. I woke up this morning with the horn so I turned her over woke her and got my monies worth!'

THis guy was married and she was like a beached whale. Cant look at him in the same light since.

A long time ago had a party in my house, my two friends who were going out with each other slept in my childs room (who was not there!!). What the dirty f*ckers didn't know was that the baby monitor was still plugged in so everything was heard!!! My husband claims he was afraid to plug out the receiving end incase it made that buzzing noise - A likely story!

pretty-in-pink

Context: I used to work in a restaurant/pub/club, and you'd often find underwear just lying around in the club- on saturday and sunday mornings -at tables, in the fire escape and in both mens and womens toilets. Still do I assume cause I was there a few weeks ago and saw a couple getting manually........acquainted. Not a bother on them about the people milling around.

The story: A guy I worked with there (bit annoying....to say the least) kept telling everyone that his new girlfriend was very hot etc, not that anyone believed him. A few of us saw her, and in fairness the girl was very pretty. She was also very....free spirited, and her story was that she went to a wedding with him, and he paid her to. Not for services rendered, just for escorting him to it. Anyways, he denied it, as you do. A couple of weeks after, guess who turns up, with some randomer, and gets caught on video phone, "rendering services", in the club? I'll give ya a hint....it wasn't my workmate

Carraigrock

This thread is priceless. Keep the laughs coming!

Carraigrock

had a bit of a think - a mate of mine met this wan on a night out...Ended up back at her place.
They got down to it fairly lively.... her on-top so to speak. Must have been a combination of the drink, the jiggy jiggy and my mates dashing good looks....but she proceeded to vomit on him.

What could he do except go to the bathroom. Clean the puke off, and return to finish the job.....

And no, I didn't take that story from Superbad...excellent movie though!

4zn76tysfajdxp

pretty-in-pink wrote: »

The story: A guy I worked with...

:rolleyes:

"A guy you worked with," sure...

Sharpshooter

Rylan Plain Saltine wrote: »

:rolleyes:

"A guy you worked with," sure why don't you just tell them it was me.

Fixed that for ya Brown eyes.:D

pablomakaveli

Tago Mago wrote: »

Anyone remember the anecdote Ricky Gervais told in Fame about the lad who was cruising in a gay toilets? He gave a blowjob to someone who stuck their Kevin Myers through the gloryhole. When he was leaving the toilets he saw his own father come out of the other cubicle

Thats an urban legend. iv heard a few variations of that.

for example theres another story about a girl who got drunk at a party and who went into a dark bedroom and lay on the bed, and let any guy who wanted to come in and roide her. then her brother came in not knowing that it was his sister and rode her.

all those accidental incest stories are urban legends.....except those ones about siblings who were adopted and met and fell in love in later life.