Monday 'Uns 2

rocky25

I went swimming at Waterworld the other day.

I was desperate to go to toilet, I couldn't hold it in.

I thought I would go swim to the corner and let it out gradually, no one will notice as long as I keep swimming.

In hindsight, I'll get out of the pool next time I want a crap.

~~~~~~~~~~

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is ok.

She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said

"For best results, put on two coats."

~~~~~~~~~

Latest Mills and Boon Released First Chapter Here.

We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.

The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene.

We lay there, both naked.

I knew I had to have her, and have her now.

Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance.

I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.

I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.

Then, as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the moment.

Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning as I withdrew to prevent myself ending it all too soon.

As the sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind- blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any longer.

Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed too quickly.

Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass.

As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace.

I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good she had been.

She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear then whispered,

'Baaaaaaa' and rejoined the flock.

This book is only for sale in Wales, Australia, New Zealand and certain parts of Leitrim.

tribulus

The Mills and Boon one was brilliant

dh0661

rocky25 wrote: »

Latest Mills and Boon Released First Chapter Here.

I once heard that is why mounty farmers wore wellies all the time --- they'd put the hind legs into the wellies so that the poor animal could not run away :eek: --- ISPCA should be called

Ronin247

DH
The thing with the wellies is not true,you put the sheep on their backs and mount in the missionary position.........................that way you can snog them at the same time

Bearhunter

Here in NZ, it is customary to get the sheep on the edge of a cliff, so it pushes back harder...

Pyr0

Hahahaha !

dh0661

Bearhunter wrote: »

Here in NZ, it is customary to get the sheep on the edge of a cliff, so it pushes back harder...

G:D:Dd :Dne

Slidey

Ya gotta wear tracksuit bottoms if the sheep ain't a first timer...

After the first time they can hear a zip from 100 paces.



Oh ya... BAAAA means no!

Bearhunter

"BAAA means no..." Not always
And the reason they invented green wellingtons? Camouflage...
I knew a Kiwi guy who was doing his driving test and the instructor asked him "Can you make a u-turn?"
"Make a ewe turn?" he replied.
"I can make her f***in' eyes water..."