Communication in Relationships...

MysticalSoul

I have recently split with my now ex. Had words with him recently, which highlighted to me why we are not compatible. Anyhow, during the time we were dating, he never once rang me, and broke up via email. I spoke to him tonight, and told him how I felt. His defence was that "this is how people communicate these days". Are there any guys left who actually make the effort to ring their girlfriends, or am I really blind... I see text and emails as crappy ways of trying to build a potential relationship, as things can easily be misunderstood.

She Devil

Oh wow, what a dick, like the time carrie got broken up with over a post it, Hmmmm thats not nice!!! My OH rings me all the time, its actually annoyingly cute, his reason being : I miss you, i want to hear your voice, oh and i'm having a crap day .. we text all day long to, so i think you are better off without that guy who couldnt be arsed to pay you attention communication wise. He is probably a tight arse to, sending an email, prob has free broadband use from home. Am i being too harsh?

Wibbs

No, you're not blind. Basic human decency should say that more than an email or text would suffice. If someone doesn't have the backbone to deal emotionally in a mature and respectful way then they're the one at a loss, not the object of that. Hard to feel and know now, but bullet dodged.

Zaph

irishamethyst wrote: »

I see text and emails as crappy ways of trying to build a potential relationship, as things can easily be understood.

I presume you mean misunderstood?

Gotta agree with you, all the subtlety and nuance of language drains away when you're trying to build something through the medium of the (often badly) written word. As the old BT ad said - it's good to talk.

MysticalSoul

Whoops, fixed that.

I know I am not perfect, in fact far from it. However it boiled down to communication issues. I think he thought I was a mind reader. Initially he asked for space, and then sent an email some weeks later, where he broke all contact. He seemed to talk the talk, but not walk the talk. I had told him early on, that I liked people to be upfront and honest with me personally, and not via text or email. His defence for doing that, is that it wasn't going anywhere, but HE was the one who asked for space while he was dealing with something, and never communicated to me that had changed. During our chat, he also played the victim card, by saying I made him feel angry, when no one can make anyone feel anything.

Thanks guys, for giving me hope, that there are guys out there, who WILL make the effort.

metrovelvet

With email and text you are missing an enormous part of the information, information which can only be provided by tone.

Moonspell

Unfortunately a lot of men take the easy way out, and a simple text or email does the job for them.
It is also easier to play the victim and "pretend" to be in the losing end!

It is not only lack of communication, is basic decency, courtesy that is in each one of us. In here the man lacked of it, but some women do too.

I was engaged before and he was from Toronto.. Guess what, with a plane ticket and all paid for, called it off by phone! When he mention postponing the wedding, more than once I asked him if there was something else he wanted to say but no was the answer, until a week later.

We live and learn and what doens't kill you, only makes you stronger.

mollybird

ya me and my boyfriend are going through communication barriers at the moment but we are trying to fix it. in our 2 year relationship last sun was the first time ever we didnt' communicate for an entire day. both of us not good at the all communication part in different ways but once we are aware of it it should sort itself out. lets hoping xx

Sweet mother! How long did you go out with a guy who wouldn't call you?

If a man resorts to telling you something is normal behavior, it is a preety big tip off that it is anything but.

Dragan

irishamethyst wrote: »

Whoops, fixed that.

I know I am not perfect, in fact far from it. However it boiled down to communication issues. I think he thought I was a mind reader. Initially he asked for space, and then sent an email some weeks later, where he broke all contact. He seemed to talk the talk, but not walk the talk. I had told him early on, that I liked people to be upfront and honest with me personally, and not via text or email. His defence for doing that, is that it wasn't going anywhere, but HE was the one who asked for space while he was dealing with something, and never communicated to me that had changed. During our chat, he also played the victim card, by saying I made him feel angry, when no one can make anyone feel anything.

Thanks guys, for giving me hope, that there are guys out there, who WILL make the effort.

I gotta be honest, the guy sounds like a bit of a jackass.

Plenty of people out there still communicate the old fashioned way.....verbally.

barbiegirl

Me and my other half both techie geeks and even we use the phone. We talk sometimes just to hear the others voice, even though we live together, we are on msn all day incase one of us wants to say anything, we e-mail or text when not on msn and if I have a problem I tell him straight, face to face, as he does me. That's how I knew he was the right one for me, we communiate.
This guy was an ass. Forget about him and move on. Life is too short and now you know what you will NOT accept in a relationship, which is just as important as what you will accept.

aye

I'm a guy. i prefer phone calls to email/text.
he sounds like a gob****e, i think you're lucky your out!!!!!!!

Ginny

barbiegirl wrote: »

Me and my other half both techie geeks and even we use the phone. We talk sometimes just to hear the others voice, even though we live together, we are on msn all day incase one of us wants to say anything, we e-mail or text when not on msn and if I have a problem I tell him straight, face to face, as he does me. That's how I knew he was the right one for me, we communiate.
This guy was an ass. Forget about him and move on. Life is too short and now you know what you will NOT accept in a relationship, which is just as important as what you will accept.

Yup, email, text, msn and see each other in person.
Actually MSN is great for fights, then there's no fighting in person....HA!























yes I'm taking the piss!

ChickCool

i like textin cos i travel for work and rarely have time to sit down and have a phone conversation for anymore than 5 mins im always rushing someone

Star Lord

irishamethyst wrote: »

I have recently split with my now ex. Had words with him recently, which highlighted to me why we are not compatible. Anyhow, during the time we were dating, he never once rang me, and broke up via email. I spoke to him tonight, and told him how I felt. His defence was that "this is how people communicate these days". Are there any guys left who actually make the effort to ring their girlfriends, or am I really blind... I see text and emails as crappy ways of trying to build a potential relationship, as things can easily be misunderstood.

I'm seeing my GF for over 10 months now, and while we text all the time and email occasionally, there's nothing as nice as hearing their voice on the other end of the phone when you're apart.

So no, that wasn't normal, and yes I'd say most guys call their girlfriends, and I honestly wouldn't consider it "making an effort", as it's an effortless thing to call someone you love!

ChickCool wrote: »

i like textin cos i travel for work and rarely have time to sit down and have a phone conversation for anymore than 5 mins im always rushing someone

Two words: Hands free. :pac:

ChickCool

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

Two words: Hands free. :pac:

for what ....;)

Dragan

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

So no, that wasn't normal, and yes I'd say most guys call their girlfriends, and I honestly wouldn't consider it "making an effort", as it's an effortless thing to call someone you love!

Bingo. I accept the certain things will keep myself and my girlfriend apart. She'll go away, i'll go away, we'll go on different nights out etc.

I'm not the type to text and call endlessly while the other is out, but i will send her a reminder that i am thinking of her. If she is not busy that will be a phone call.

Why?

I just like to hear her voice.

Star Lord

Dragan wrote: »

Bingo. I accept the certain things will keep myself and my girlfriend apart. She'll go away, i'll go away, we'll go on different nights out etc.

I'm not the type to text and call endlessly while the other is out, but i will send her a reminder that i am thinking of her. If she is not busy that will be a phone call.

Why?

I just like to hear her voice.

Exactly, if you care for the person, little reminders that you're thinking of them or they of you are always nice.

ChickCool

get a room you 2!

Red Hand

They are both thoooooo thweet.

Maple

Dragan wrote: »

I just like to hear her voice.

I Dragan. This honest statement made my heart go all melty (v. technical term).

Communication is key. No to text or email conversations tho, A.because text conversations are dumb as fcuk. and B.because its very hard to convey tone.

Guy sounds like a muppet to be honest.

When i was working in Dunnes many moons (or years) ago, a girl i got on with broke up with two boyfriends via text message and felt it was perfectly fine to do so.

When someone broke up with her using the same method, she was disgusted and angered by it.


So maybe this is just normal for him to do it. You gotta admit, although i'd never do it myself, it saves a lot of hassle and messing around.


Last girl i broke up with i wasn't with for long, and the break up conversation was one of those never ending moments that just went on and on. After that, I can see why some people do it via text.


Although i do think that if someone breaks up with you without bothering to even tell you to your face, then they never really gave a sh*t about you in the first place.

MJOR

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Communication is key. Communication is not just about text or email its about talking and body language. Texts and emails are all very well but they shouldn't replace chat and proper communication.

MysticalSoul

Thanks guys. He got really sarcastic on the phone, so do wonder if he has been in the same boat before, re being pointed out over the lack of phone calls. To me, why would he get so defensive about it otherwise. I suppose you live and learn, and am putting it down to one of life's learning curves.

AmyG

I agress , i think people deserve to broke up face to face... I mean if you are *in love* with someone and then they break your heart, you think they would do it to your face...

My ex dumped me over the phone and i think that hurt the most ....:mad:

Piste

My boyfriend and Italk mainly through text and msn, I don't really like talking on the phone as I find it really hard to hear what the other person is saying and always end up going "sorry? sorry? what was that?". Also his house has horrible reception so most of our coversation is "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? How about now? Ok now I ca- oh you're gone again"

Lorrs33

I dated a guy briefly, who broke up with me by text, which I assumed was normal seeing as we didn't go out for very long. We tried a friendship, which was purely by text, and it wasn't good. In fact, we texted everyday for 7 months and never met up, that's not any sort of a friendship. Text is good for conversations, providing it's not your main means of contact with a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.

Dragan

Dragan wrote: »

Bingo. I accept the certain things will keep myself and my girlfriend apart. She'll go away, i'll go away, we'll go on different nights out etc.

I'm not the type to text and call endlessly while the other is out, but i will send her a reminder that i am thinking of her. If she is not busy that will be a phone call.

Why?

I just like to hear her voice.

Ah ya big softie! :pac:


LOL don't worry I'm only messin, I'm probably worse!


I communicate with the OH via text if its just a casual letting each other know how our day is kind of thing. I work the 9-5.30 monday to friday craic but she does shifts so we're on different timetables so that means we try and keep incontact via text at the very least.

We go on different nights out, see friends etc, but as Dragan said, one of us will usually at some point get in touch with the other via text just to check in and say hi or whatever.

One or the other of us will often pick up the phone just to say hi. I don't understand how a couple could do a large part of communication via e-mail or text tbh. if anything important is to be discussed I know i do it face to face or if that's just out of the question I'll do it over the phone. Never by text or email etc that's for sure.



As for the Op, I'd never build the communication part of a relationship around technology. Talking is the only way. Eliminates confusion/misinterpretation etc. It also strengthens trust as you become more comfortable talking to that person about things that you wouldn't talk with most people about.