Friday 'Uns

rocky25

Indian chief decided it was time to give his 3 sons their adult names as they had reached manhood.

So he gathered them in to his tent, together with the elders of the tribe.

He turns to the 1st son, "Son, you will be called Eagle.”

The 3rd son interrupts, "Father, father, what will I be called?"

"All in good time my son", replies the Chief.

He continues,

"You will be called Eagle because you are strong and wise."

The Elders agreed.

He then turns to the 2nd son,

but the 3rd son says "Father, father, what will I be called?"

"All in good time, my son" he replies.

He then continues to the 2nd son, "Son you will be called Swallow".

The 3rd son says again "Father, father, what will I be called?”

"All in good time my son" came the reply.

He then continues,

"You will be named Swallow because you are quick and cunning."

The Elders agree.

He then turns to the 3rd son, who is asking,

"Father Father, what will I be called?"

"Son, you will be called Thrush."

"Why is that father?" he asked excitedly.

"Because you are an irritating c**t."

~~~~~~~~~~

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.

The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference,"

so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.

The patron takes one sip and spits it out.

He promptly hollers at the bartender:

"I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"

Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.

The patron takes a sip...same reaction.

But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference.

So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.

Again, same reaction from the patron.

Finally, the bartender is convinced.

He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch.

The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.

All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.

He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says:

"Shay mishter, tashte this!"

The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.

"It tastes like piss," he shoots back at the drunk.

The drunk replies: "Aye it ish.

So How old am I?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.

They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls.

The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk.

But the pilot objected he said,

"The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."

One of the hunters pushed forward,

"Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk.

It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything.

What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear.

But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it.

They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other,

"Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other Redneck.

"Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"

~~~~~~~~~

A Very Unusual Test

Take this test...you'll be amazed at what you can find out. Don't cheat, though -- you can't skip around.

Say the word "cow" BEFORE each word.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look

Now say the word "cow" AFTER each word.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look

Now say the word "cow" BEFORE AND AFTER each word.
1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look

Now read the words upwards from the bottom, from #10 to #1.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look

Now post if you got to the end!!

Homer

Why I oughtta :rolleyes:

Jay D

But Indians live in wigwams

rocky25

Jay D wrote: »

But Indians live in wigwams

They couldn't get a Wigwam because they hadn't got a Reservation

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Liked the first one! But let's not forget about the Indian who drink too much tea... and drowned in his teepee....

(This is what you get for letting 9 year olds tell you jokes)

Splinter

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Liked the first one! But let's not forget about the Indian who drink too much tea... and drowned in his teepee....

(This is what you get for letting 9 year olds tell you jokes)

i just got a stapeler thrown at me in work for that one :pac:

biko

Liked the whiskey one

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

splinter wrote: »

i just got a stapeler thrown at me in work for that one :pac:

Said it before saying it again - I'm NOT taking responsibility for reactions to jokes I post here!

fred funk }{

excellent

dh0661

All very good as usual rocky.

Re. the first one. I've heard something like it before, but the punch line was

---

now feck off leaky rubber, and don't be annoying me.

coldfire1x

YOu got me with the cows

Capt'n Midnight

rocky25 wrote:

"You will be named Swallow because you are quick and cunning."

"You will be named Swallow because you are quick and cuming."

dvega

last one was good