Murph's monkey

Steve

Murph walks into a pub with his pet monkey.

He orders a pint and while he's drinking, the monkey starts wandering around the bar.

He grabs some olives from the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced lemons and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, swallows it whole.

The barman screams at Murph, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

Murph says "No, what?"

The barman screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table!"

"Ah shit," replied Murph, "the stupid bollix eats everything in sight. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.

He orders a pint and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While Murph is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a €1 coin on the bar.

He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.

The barman is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies Murph.

"Well, he stuck a €1 coin and a peanut up his ass, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the barman.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied Murph.

"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit that cue ball, he measures everything first."

smallBiscuit

pmsl 5 star

dh0661

Tears of laughter for me :D:D
Stars for you :):)

gernon

thats a cracker

The Bollox

that's brilliant!

GAAman

Quality stuff steve have some stars!

Havermeyer

Very good.