Pro's and con's of having a 3rd baby

mumof2maybe3

Hi everyone Im looking for some input from mums and dads who have 3 or more children. My oh and I have been talking about having a 3rd child and are trying to be as informed as possible. We have 2 children aged 5 and 3yrs, is the transition to having a 3rd huge? Will it have a negative affect on my other 2? Is it true that when you have a 3rd everything is harder eg holidays and dinners out? I'd love to hear from anyone that has an opinion.

Lizzykins

Speaking as a parent of four! here's my input. Yes three is more difficult if two parents are working as the cost of childcare for three is horrendous. I see you have a five year old so costs wouldn't be too bad if they're in school. Many holidays and offers are for two adults and two children so that's a pain.

HOWEVER-with three or more the house is always lively and there is never a dull moment! A friend who is from a family of two says now that it's a very small family since her father died. I'm from a family of five and I have great memories of us all at Christmas and on holidays.

Weighing up pros and cons I would say go for it.

mumof2maybe3

Thanks Lizzykins,luckily I work from home so Childcare isnt a problem at the moment. Yes I really like the sound of the lively house. I suppose Im looking at my 2 now and see how they play together and get on really well (most of the time;)) and wonder how it will affect them. I have asked a couple of my friends and they think im mad!! The response Ive got from 2 people was oh you would have no spare room:eek:

Lizzykins

You can't look at it from a purely practical viewpoint or none of us would ever have kids. So what if you don't have a spare room. In 30 years time the house will be empty anyway. My OH is from a family of seven and there are now 18 grandchildren ranging from 26 down to 5. The 5 year old is mine! My mother in law is 80 next week and there is to be a huge party for her with everyone there. That's what life is all about-not everyone with their own room and ones spare. I hope to God I live long enough to enjoy grandchildren and great grandchildren!

mumof2maybe3

Yes i was shocked that people would even bring a spare room into the equation. Others have said oh we are only thinking of it cause you want a girl. To be honest we would love a girl but its a baby we are talking about not specifically a girl. Why are some people so against a 3rd? There was only 2 of us growing up and it was lonely, my oh had a bro and sis and said it was great when the got to teenagers they used to back each other.

ArthurDent

We added a thrid to our mix 2 years ago - at that stage our older 2 were 7 1/2 and 6 - mostly its been great - the negatives have been fairly small and in our view the pros vastly outweight the cons - but some of the cons include:



because I was older the 3td pregnancy was more difficult and recovery was slower (and I had a CS unlike with the other 2)_

sometimes its difficult to balance the needs and wants of kids of different ages

Going on holidays/ going out is a bit more difficult but number 3 either by nature or because she had no choice is very good in company and can eat and sleep anywhere

going back to baby stuff - nappies, feeding , sleepless nightwas tough after such a break

good luck with your decision

Quality

Ah go for it... 3 isnt really a big deal.. Deciding on whether to have a fourth is a big decision, then you are talking about changing cars to a people carrier. Holidays are a lot more expensive then too!! And space is definitely an issue!!

I am due no 3 any day now.. Looking forward to my pregnancy being over. Getting back to "normal" again.. mentally (hormones) and physically (very tired this time round which may be down to having 2 kids to look after).

Anyhow, for me the decision for 3 was easy.. Kids are the only thing in life worth doing...:)

Lizzykins

Couldn't agree more! Though if you do decide to stop at three then be blooming careful it stays that way. I got caught at the age of 40 through my/our own stupid fault. She's 5 now and we wouldn't be without her. Santa still comes to the house!

mumof2maybe3

Im 37 now so it would definatly be our last, thanks for the input it has really helped. When I have asked people I know they are shocked that we would even think about it. Its nice to get positive feedback.:D

di11on

Hi OP.

We've two and are considering the same. Same concerns here - our two get on so well together, they're 2 and 5.

I grew up in a family of 3 and another concern I have is that it will turn into 2 against 1. That was my experience growing up and I've heard others say the same.

Could always go for 4 :-)

mumof2maybe3

*gulp* 4???? I dont think so .... well never say never:D

marti101

Go for it ive a big gap my youngest would have been 11 now12 but when teh baby came its made a difference.Thye dote on him and even though i cant go anywhere anymore i wouldnt change him for the world.Also looking forward to Santa visiting again.At the end of the day its nobodys business but yoursand if they ask where you going to keep the baby tell them you are getting the shed done up.:D

lostinnappies

being the middle child of seven i can tell you from the childs point of view its great to have an option of people to play with..... when i didnt get on with one person there was always someone else.

Have 2 myself my littlest is just a year old, but i am also thinking of expanding lol. And hey if you have no spare room then you wont have to put up with annoying visits from people who just wont leave lol.:p

TheBigFella

Go for it, you'll never regret it but may regret not trying.
We have 2 and almost had 3 a number of times but wasn't meant to be. The disadvantages such as childcare expenses and holidays are very small in comparision to the joy another child would bring. Your first 2 are the perfect age to accept a new addition. They will be there for each other for years. You can't have enough brothers,sisters or cousins.

mikeyb

Sounds to me like you want a third. 'Nuff said as far as I'm concerned. Go for it, you only live once and you'll regret it if you don't and you want to. I'll bet when you had one you were worried about having two? It wears off and you just get on with it and within about a millisecond you can't imagine a time when they weren't there. I come from a family of seven who were brought up in a three bed house. It was a bit cramped is all. All that matters is if there's enough love to go around which no doubt there is!

Don't forget you partner in all this 'though and make sure they're behind you 'cause there's nothing worse than animosity (how do you spell that?) building up over a child that you didn't *both* want. Some day they'll be all grown up and gone and it'll be too late then!

;-)

Mikeyb

mumof2maybe3

Thank you all for being so positive and supportive, we are going to go for it!!!!! We are thrilled so lets hope it happends.

Nevyn

Congratulations on you choice.
May the new edition to your family bring may blessings and much love.

RAFC

Best of luck with no.3 - my number 3 was the best decision we ever made and no. 4 was the best suprise we ever got . They are now 11 and 8, and if I wasn't 21ish I would be tempted to go again

Lizzykins

Keep us all posted!

mumof2maybe3

I never thought I would be posting so soon, IM PREGNANT!!!!!:D Thank you some much for your kind words and guidence, it obviously pointed us in the right direction.;) We cant believe it has happend straight away but are absolutly over the moon.

January

Wohhoo congrats! get yourself over onto the pregnancy board!

littlebug

wow that was quick! Congrats!
ah you're making me broody for a third baby now:o

Woddle

Congrats my wife and I have been following this thread as we have 2 girls, a 5 & 3 year old and we are talking about having a third. I am the stay at home dad and I'm the one trying to do all the convincing but we're going to talk after xmas but she's nearly there. Her biggest concern is the post baby weight, she's afraid she won't be able to loose it this time. Best of luck and have a lovely xmas

gerrycollins

at least you have a gap, not bad news but we found out my OH is expecting again and our last is only 7 months. this will be no. 3 we are delighted but we had actually planned leaving a gap of two years min ha ha how the best laid plans go to waste.

anyways good luck

Lizzykins

Wow I can't believe how quick that was! Congrats!!

mumof2maybe3

yes lizzykins my husband definatly has a strut in his step at the moment:D I still cant believe the first month we tried we got pregnant especially because I had been on the pill aswell. It was obviously the "right time" for us.

Lizzykins

You obviously get pregnant very easily. Something to watch after number three is born!!! Delighted for you. It's a fantastic time of your life and it goes so quickly. I'm 46 now and no more babies for me I'm afraid. Had my last at 41 and I'm sorry I won't be having any more. Can look forward to being a granny in a few years maybe!

Moonbeam

That is great news:)
Congrats!

kimbo777

Hi
Well I have been throwing that questions around for 2 years and now I am pregnant! I have a 4 and 6 year old and I really am freaking out right now...wondering if I made the right choice. I feel sick about it and am really scared and now ironically have not one moment of joy about being pregnant or pending newborn, toddler again. Is this normal do you think? Please help

BostonB

So yes ...