BF shared bed with friend

theTinker

OP you are creating an issue out of nothing.

I share beds with my female friends all the time because they stay over at my apartment alot of weekends. When i'm with a girlfriend, i don't alter this, The GF gets priority in my bed. The rest stays the same,. Heck i've given up my bed so gf and female friends can sleep in it. Its no different. Sometimes it just happens. If your watching tv and they doze, you just leave them.

You said she was already in the bed. So obviously he didn't even 'try' to get her into the bed. He just wanted to sleep in his own bleeding bed and there was room. Get over it and grow some trust for his behavior. If you have a perception that a bed is only for sex even when it involves a friend, then thats your problem, you change your behaviour, not his.

seahorse

seahorse wrote: »

I wouldnt do that to begin with, because I know my partner wouldnt like it, but if I were single I would not hop into the bed of a male friend who was attached out of simple respect for his partner. In the case that your friend is attached it's not just about bunking down with your mate since you both know nothings going to happen; when a man is attached there are a third persons feelings to consider.

Pretty much + 1.

However, there's no need to go off the edge in the other way either. he may not see how it was wrong. in any relationship, communication is the key, tell him it made you uncomfortable and he'll likely not do it again out of respect. But if you trust nothing happened then that should be all there is to it.

RoosterIllusion

theTinker wrote: »

OP you are creating an issue out of nothing.

I share beds with my female friends all the time because they stay over at my apartment alot of weekends. When i'm with a girlfriend, i don't alter this, The GF gets priority in my bed. The rest stays the same,. Heck i've given up my bed so gf and female friends can sleep in it. Its no different. Sometimes it just happens. If your watching tv and they doze, you just leave them.

You said she was already in the bed. So obviously he didn't even 'try' to get her into the bed. He just wanted to sleep in his own bleeding bed and there was room. Get over it and grow some trust for his behavior. If you have a perception that a bed is only for sex even when it involves a friend, then thats your problem, you change your behaviour, not his.

I think you oversimplified the issue.

I disagree with your opinion also.

solace

I'm a guy and if my girlfriend bunked with any of her male friends, I'd be pretty pissed off. I wouldn't yell at her or anything but I'd be visibily upset. It's not that I don't trust her... but bed is a very intimate place and I know it would just make me really uncomfortable.

statss

I'd be very annoyed if my girlfriend did that to me, so I wouldn't do it to her.

SarahSassy

dotsman wrote: »

Sleeping in a bed with someone means absolutely nothing. It is just sleeping. TBH, I would see it is the exact same light as them sitting on the couch next to each other watching a movie.

No its really not... I find that a lot of people posting here have little respect for boundaries within a relationship... Its not ok to sleep in a bed with someone when you have a partner, its not ok to welcome a friend of the opposite sex by kissing them on the lips etc etc etc I think Irish people vlaue relationships a lot less than other nationalities and if you dont agree to be openminded about everything then you are insecure...

OP you are not insecure, you have standards and expect certain behaviour from your OH... This is having respect for yourself and knowing whats ok for you within a relationship.. Dont apply other peoples low standards to your relationship. If you feel annoyed then you are perfectly entitled to... He most likely didnt cheat but he knew what had happened was not right and thats why he told you....

PEOPLE take care of your relationships - its hard to find a good one....

LegacyUser

hey everyone, just to update; i casually brought it up in conversation with the OH. We hadn't spoken about it since he first told me about it so it's not like i've been harping on about it before anyone pounces!

I told him that i'd forget it but there'll be a problem if it happens again. He knows this had nothing to do with trust, but more of a respect issue. I asked if she knew i knew but he said no, so it turns out i was wrong there.

I won't be bringing it up with her either, but i'll be paying more attention to her if you get my meaning. I just think she's not sure about how to actappropriately around (taken)guys sometimes, this opinion is based on this incident and other stuff.

thanks for all the replies.

dotsman

SarahSassy wrote: »

No its really not... I find that a lot of people posting here have little respect for boundaries within a relationship... Its not ok to sleep in a bed with someone when you have a partner, its not ok to welcome a friend of the opposite sex by kissing them on the lips etc etc etc I think Irish people vlaue relationships a lot less than other nationalities and if you dont agree to be openminded about everything then you are insecure...

OP you are not insecure, you have standards and expect certain behaviour from your OH... This is having respect for yourself and knowing whats ok for you within a relationship.. Dont apply other peoples low standards to your relationship. If you feel annoyed then you are perfectly entitled to... He most likely didnt cheat but he knew what had happened was not right and thats why he told you....

PEOPLE take care of your relationships - its hard to find a good one....

OK, not sure where this rant came from.:eek:


To some people (myself, the OPs boyfriend and some people who have posted here), sleeping is not a sexual thing, nor is it a romantic thing - it is just sleeping (from my previous post - on the condition that they were not naked/cuddling etc). To others, such as yourself, the OP and some who have posted here do seem to derive romantic/sexual overtones from sleeping. Who is right or wrong? Don't know, don't care! It's merely perception. The OP feels that it is an issue (caused by insecurities - and hey, that's OK, not faulting her), her boyfriend doesn't (confident that there was nothing sexual/romantic about it). Like with most conflicts in a relationship, they will have to get over it (either the OP comes to terms that there being nothing to be worried about, or the boyfriend, while disagreeing with the reasoning, agrees not to do it again as it is obviously distressing his girlfriend).

You talk of boundaries? What are these boundaries? Perhaps you can spell them out for us! The fact is different people have different perceptions on what is appropriate and what is not. Most people agree that speaking to a member of the opposite sex is OK, while screwing a member of the opposite sex is not OK (although there are people who have even more extreme views than these!). But where do you draw the line? From the responses here, from my own experiences, and from my knowledge of my friends experiences, I would have to say that it's a very grey area, with some thinking it's fine and some thinking it's not, but I don't know anyone in real life who is dead againast or for it.

As regards the blatant racist comments about the Irish, well - you have issues. And just for your records, I would have to say that, from my experiences to date, I am more likely to kiss a non-irish girl on the lips as way of greeting/goodbye than I am an Irish girl. And in most cases, it is initiated by the "non-irish" girl. Go figure

SarahSassy

I think if I narrow down your spiel, you are basically saying all people are different. Eh, knew that!!!

MagicMarker

I think in this particular instance, considering the girl, his FRIEND, was already asleep, both (i assume) fully clothed, then i can't for the life of me see why there's a problem.

Had they been naked, had they not been friends, had they walked upstairs together hand in hand, then i might see a problem.

It's just double standards, otherwise there would also be a problem if his friend was a dude, or a lesbian, or the elephant man, or a dog.