Tuesday Quickies

rocky25

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a CUT -glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said,

'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'isn’t it wonderful?

I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ,

Keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wee Billy a city boy, was spending the school holidays on his uncles farm.

One day while passing the cowshed he looked in the door and spotted his uncle delivering a calf from a cow that was having a very hard labour.

He saw the uncle tie a rope around the calf’s legs and pull it out of the cow.

The uncle was now washing his hand’s in a bucket of warm soapy water when he spotted little Billy standing there with his mouth wide open.

Ah well he thought I suppose I’ll have to tell him about the birds & the bees now.

So he said to wee Billy did you see all that.

Yes nodded Billy.

Well then said the uncle, have you any questions,

Just the one said Billy.

Well what’s the question said the uncle.

Just how fast was that wee calf travelling when it hit the cow asked Billy?

coldfire1x

Wonderful little pack

Homer

Loving the first one Rocky!

dh0661

rocky !!! - where do you get them ?.

Good stuff there rock.

Hagar

He bought the rights to a secret joke mine just outside ****** ****.
I'm sworn to secrecy.

GAAman

Hagar wrote: »

He bought the rights to a secret joke mine just outside ****** ****.
I'm sworn to secrecy.

Dammit hagar i am sick of holdin this secret in the secret joke mine is ouside

Made you look, made you stare. Made the barber cut your hair, cut it long cut it short cut it with a knife and fork!!

Oh and nice one rock loved the condom one

gerTheGreat

Isn't it obvious, he was the one who stole bob monkhouse's big book of jokes.

rocky25

Here's a classic clip from the Bob Monkhouse Show

His guest was the Great Spike Milligan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r0fcoP--3o

cl0ne

Excellent. First one is mint.

GAAman

rocky25 wrote: »

Here's a classic clip from the Bob Monkhouse Show

His guest was the Great Spike Milligan

Rocky a man after my own heart, Milligan was beyond a legend (Puckoon is my fave book )

And my all time quote is "How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven." I am laughin even typin that :D