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Dream girl on train
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06-11-2008 1:18pm#1Hi ladies,
Firstly, apologies if I'm in the wrong category - maybe this should be in 'personal'. Some serious advice would be appreciated!
I was sitting on the train home the other day when a really attractive girl stepped on at the 2nd stop. The train was pretty packed and she was standing a good distance away from me near the doors. I could just about see her face among the rest of the crowd and felt myself drawn to her straight away. I'm certain I was getting eyes off her - you know when you just sense that someone likes you? We exchanged glances a good few times during the journey.
Some time passed and at the 2nd last stop a seat just a couple of rows up from me on the opposite side of the train became vacant. I definitely got some more eye contact. I was dying to talk to her now but how do you get talking to a complete stranger, especially with the awkward, silent atmosphere of a train carriage where everyone within earshot would hear any embarrassed attempts at conversation?
At this stage it was almost intimidating, how she was seated so near to me. I actually felt a little uncomfortable and was silently cursing myself for not having the courage to talk to her. Anyway, we both got off at the last stop. When we joined the mass exodus out of the train station I was thinking of some, any kind of excuse to strike up conversation, but I was at a complete loss.
When she exited the station she stood outside and was texting someone on her mobile (probably looking for a lift from her boyfriend
). I actually stopped outside for a few seconds too and we exchanged another glance. But feeling awkward, defeated and frustrated I walked home to my vacant apartment with nothing but her in my thoughts.
So my question is this - should I have got the balls to talk to her or did I do the right thing by leaving it? Would she think I was a psycho/freak? And if I should have, what should I have said? I get the train Mon-Fri and I've never seen her before, so I don't know if I'll ever see her again
Things is, I'm actually a pretty outgoing, confident guy who's not bad looking and doesn't have much problems talking to women - in the right circumstances - but when it comes to a stranger on a train I just would have felt really self conscious the way other passengers would hear the conversation.
Any thoughts?0
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No, talking her up like that can be mortifying for the girl - I say that as I was the girl on three occasions. The first was more embarrassing for him as he was loud and talked to me out of nowhere, asking if I felt like having a coffee. I declined the offer just as loudly. He blushed, I left the train. The other one was more quiet, but somehow sneaky, i.e., I noticed him starring at me, so I burried my head in my book as not to encourage him. Next thing I know was he had sat down next to me and whispered into my ear, asking if my book was interesting and if I could recommend it. I just nodded and pulled as far away from him as possible. Hint wasn't taken, guy decided to start a rather loud rant on the writers he likes and why, addressing me the entire time! I was quite young back then and scared, actually... The third time was slightly different as I was dozing a little and this "artist" decided to draw a portrait of me which he handed over to me when I woke and made to leave the train. I was extremely uncomfortable as some people actually APPLAUDED! :eek:
Point being: by approaching someone like that, you put them in a spot. You force them into a situation they may or may not like. Therefore, I would always favour the dropping of a little note in a not too obvious way. It doesn't have to be just your number, but maybe an invitation: "Fancy a coffee with the guy who's too shy to just chat you up on a train?" That would achieve several things: you don't put her in a spot, you make sure she knows you'd like to get to know her, she has your contact details so can decide herself if she wants to take you up on the offer without any audience, AND you show a little bit of humour/creativity. After that, it's up to her, and nobody gets embarrassed.
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No, talking her up like that can be mortifying for the girl - I say that as I was the girl on three occasions. The first was more embarrassing for him as he was loud and talked to me out of nowhere, asking if I felt like having a coffee. I declined the offer just as loudly. He blushed, I left the train. The other one was more quiet, but somehow sneaky, i.e., I noticed him starring at me, so I burried my head in my book as not to encourage him. Next thing I know was he had sat down next to me and whispered into my ear, asking if my book was interesting and if I could recommend it. I just nodded and pulled as far away from him as possible. Hint wasn't taken, guy decided to start a rather loud rant on the writers he likes and why, addressing me the entire time! I was quite young back then and scared, actually... The third time was slightly different as I was dozing a little and this "artist" decided to draw a portrait of me which he handed over to me when I woke and made to leave the train. I was extremely uncomfortable as some people actually APPLAUDED! :eek:
Point being: by approaching someone like that, you put them in a spot. You force them into a situation they may or may not like. Therefore, I would always favour the dropping of a little note in a not too obvious way. It doesn't have to be just your number, but maybe an invitation: "Fancy a coffee with the guy who's too shy to just chat you up on a train?" That would achieve several things: you don't put her in a spot, you make sure she knows you'd like to get to know her, she has your contact details so can decide herself if she wants to take you up on the offer without any audience, AND you show a little bit of humour/creativity. After that, it's up to her, and nobody gets embarrassed.
unless she then thinks oh god i feel bad but i'm not saying yes and they have to avoid each other on the train from now on....sorry that'd be my worst fear :P i'd love to get a note like that tho...would be a great ego boost
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Point being: by approaching someone like that, you put them in a spot. You force them into a situation they may or may not like. Therefore, I would always favour the dropping of a little note in a not too obvious way. It doesn't have to be just your number, but maybe an invitation: "Fancy a coffee with the guy who's too shy to just chat you up on a train?" That would achieve several things: you don't put her in a spot, you make sure she knows you'd like to get to know her, she has your contact details so can decide herself if she wants to take you up on the offer without any audience, AND you show a little bit of humour/creativity. After that, it's up to her, and nobody gets embarrassed.
I agree with F.A. , i havent done anything like this myself but handing a note with some humour might get a better reponse then putting some girl on the spot and embarrssing her on the train0 -
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The note's a great idea, but I have to say F.A. that the poor coffee guy must have been mortified! He could have been building himself up for ages to ask you that!
He effectively shouted it, ensuring that everyone on the train could hear him. I'm sorry, but this does not constitute shy or even normal behaviour. He came across as arrogant, trying to bully me into accepting as he obviously thought I would not possibly dare to say no because everyone on the train would think along your lines.
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He effectively shouted it, ensuring that everyone on the train could hear him. I'm sorry, but this does not constitute shy or even normal behaviour. He came across as arrogant, trying to bully me into accepting as he obviously thought I would not possibly dare to say no because everyone on the train would think along your lines.
I don't think it was that. I think he was just a plank and it never entered into his head that you would say no. Me thinks in his head you were supposed to be all amazed and such that he would take such interest in you.
Then again, i do hate loud people.:pac:0 -
Hi ladies,
Firstly, apologies if I'm in the wrong category - maybe this should be in 'personal'. Some serious advice would be appreciated!
Never, ever ask women for advice on meeting other women. That's your first mistake.I was dying to talk to her now but how do you get talking to a complete stranger, especially with the awkward, silent atmosphere of a train carriage where everyone within earshot would hear any embarrassed attempts at conversation?
So what? Your mental state is all wrong. You have to really not care what anyone else thinks.At this stage it was almost intimidating, how she was seated so near to me. I actually felt a little uncomfortable and was silently cursing myself for not having the courage to talk to her. Anyway, we both got off at the last stop. When we joined the mass exodus out of the train station I was thinking of some, any kind of excuse to strike up conversation, but I was at a complete loss.
When she exited the station she stood outside and was texting someone on her mobile (probably looking for a lift from her boyfriend ). I actually stopped outside for a few seconds too and we exchanged another glance. But feeling awkward, defeated and frustrated I walked home to my vacant apartment with nothing but her in my thoughts.
Well it seems that she tried to give you every possible opportunity to talk to her. I'd guess that the texting was just a ploy to give you one more chance to approach.So my question is this - should I have got the balls to talk to her or did I do the right thing by leaving it? Would she think I was a psycho/freak? And if I should have, what should I have said? I get the train Mon-Fri and I've never seen her before, so I don't know if I'll ever see her again
Things is, I'm actually a pretty outgoing, confident guy who's not bad looking and doesn't have much problems talking to women - in the right circumstances - but when it comes to a stranger on a train I just would have felt really self conscious the way other passengers would hear the conversation.
Any thoughts?
You care far too much about what other strangers on the train may have thought. All the men would have probably been wishing that they had the cojones to do that and the women would be wishing that it was happening to them.You know that you didn't do the right thing that's why you're asking here. No such thing as "right circumstances" either.0 -
He effectively shouted it, ensuring that everyone on the train could hear him. I'm sorry, but this does not constitute shy or even normal behaviour. He came across as arrogant, trying to bully me into accepting as he obviously thought I would not possibly dare to say no because everyone on the train would think along your lines.
Ah well then that's a different story if he came across as arrogant, nothing more off-putting!0 -
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Eh why?
Because the default answer given will be
a) how she would like to be approached or
b) the general consensus her and her friends have reached through conversation.
It sounds good but you are not approaching any of them so it may be way off the mark. Different people like different things.
The best thing to do is just make your approaches in a way that you yourself are happy with and just be yourself from the get go.
No point in me telling a very shy guy he should do "A or B" that i would do when that might not be him.
Be yourself, from start to finish. 0 -
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Because the default answer given will be
a) how she would like to be approached or
b) the general consensus her and her friends have reached through conversation.
It sounds good but you are not approaching any of them so it may be way off the mark. Different people like different things.
The best thing to do is just make your approaches in a way that you yourself are happy with and just be yourself from the get go.
No point in me telling a very shy guy he should do "A or B" that i would do when that might not be him.
Be yourself, from start to finish.
But then he shouldn't be asking anyone's advice on it? Or maybe people should just stop looking for advice all together? Everyone gives advice on how they would approach it if it was them, and as you said different people like different things, doesn't mean she won't respond to whatever the ladies recommend in here.
I agree with being yourself from start to finish, but this guy asked for some opinions and got some, which he says he thinks are helpful. No harm in asking, I wouldn't say it's a 'mistake' asking a group of females how to deal with another female in a situation like this. We might not be right, but most people here are agreeing, the note is the way forward. 0 -
But then he shouldn't be asking anyone's advice on it? Or maybe people should just stop looking for advice all together? Everyone gives advice on how they would approach it if it was them, and as you said different people like different things, doesn't mean she won't respond to whatever the ladies recommend in here.
I agree with being yourself from start to finish, but this guy asked for some opinions and got some, which he says he thinks are helpful. No harm in asking, I wouldn't say it's a 'mistake' asking a group of females how to deal with another female in a situation like this. We might not be right, but most people here are agreeing, the note is the way forward.
I didn't say that he shouldn't ask for advice, I said that he shouldn't ask women for advice on meeting other women.0 -
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