Miscarriage

crazy cat lady

I went for a scan on Wednesday, I should have been about 10 weeks. Our little baby only measured about 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. In those few seconds I think my world stopped, and since then its just been falling apart.

For the past 6 weeks, we've been consumed by 'the baby' and what we'll call it, what furniture to put in the nursery, we'd even picked a pram. I'd spend hours everyday wondering what our baby would look like, whether it would have my husbands gorgeous dimples, whether it would have the same ringlets I had as a baby. I wondered what its cry could sound like, theres nothing sweeter that the sound of a new born babys cry. Now I have nothing.

Everyone keeps talking about 'next time' and 'at least you know you can conceive' and 'this will make you a better midwife'. I'm even saying these things myself like its some consolation prize. But I don't want a consolation prize, I want this baby that has been the centre of my world for the past 6 weeks.

I'm to have an ERPC on Monday, I just don't know how I'm going to cope. One part of me wants this whole ordeal to be over so I can move on and start again. Then a huge part of me feels so guilty for allowing my baby to be removed in such an undignified manner, its like I'm giving up on it. And I feel awful that all I want to do is start trying for another baby, but its the only thing I can see that will take this pain away. I've never expeienced love and pain like this. Its almost unbearable. One minute I think I'm ok, that I'll get through this, the next I'm sobbing hysterically.

I also don't know how I'm going to go back to work. How am I supposed to help women with such a magical and wonderful experince without feeling bitter and angry. It wouldn't be fair on me or the women I'm working with.

Anyway, I'm sorry to post bad news, and I'm sure I've said more than I needed to. I'm sure that 'I'm really sad' woul've been enough.

I hope the rest of you girlies have wonderful pregnancies, I really mean that. The best of luck to you all.

Hopefully I'll be back in a few months with a brighter outlook! Until then, take care x

sonners

I dont know what to say but I want to say something.

I cant imagine how your feeling. I can only point out some of the good points in your post. You refer alot to 'we', I like that, I like that your not alone in this and I hope 'we' will come out of this situation together and stronger. I like that your thinking of trying again. I know that your feeling guilty about it but I like that its in your thoughts. I think that in times like these hope is the one thing to hold onto.

The coming weeks and months are'nt going to be easy for you or your husband. The people around you, your family, friends, workmates, etc all want to help, want to say the right thing and want to make you happy. The trouble is, its impossible. Your the only one who can deicde when your ready and when your happy, just have patience with them and remember that they're trying and they mean well.

You'll be in my prayers, as are all women and men with difficulties conceiving/carrying a child and those with sick children. Its something you cant understand until you experience it and something you pray those close to you never experience.

Hugs and cuddles to you Looking forward to that post in the future

lostinnappies

With every loss there must be a time for grieving, allow yourself that time. I am sorry to hear the bad news and send you and Mr. crazy cat the biggest hugs.

Quackles

I'm so, so sorry for your loss You have ever right to feel the way you are feeling, and don't be afraid or ashamed of expressing it... You know you'd say the same thing to a woman you were treating in a professional capacity. You grow to love those little beans, even in the first few weeks, and it must be so hard to let that dream go. I hope you and Mr. Cat find comfort in each other to get through this. Hopefully we'll see you soon. Take care.

chloe15JC

i'm only 15 and came across this post by accident but my heart bleeds for you and your partner i really hope ye get through this i also think it will make ye stronger as a couple once again im sorry to hear about your lose
chloe

Grawns

I'm so sorry cat lady. I have no words, there are none.... Only time will heal. Take care of yourself. Gráinne

Karmaa

Oh I feel for you really I do, because I know exactly how you are feeling, my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and like you I should've been 10weeks but was told I possibly lost it at the 6week mark, that was when I only found out I was pregnant
I was told that most 1st time pregnancies result in miscarriage, sure that's not what I wanted to hear, I just wanted my baby. No matter what anyone will say at the moment it will not make the pain go away.
I could go on and on about this but I won't as you are hurting beyond pain at the moment, I will leave you with this, the pain will never go away but it will ease slightly, give yourself time to grieve and allow those who want to help you help!
I wish you well

Quality

You poor thing, Dont give up hope... It will be a very emotional time for the next few weeks. Just try and deal with it now... Let it all out and talk, shout, cry, scream or just even write down how your feeling..

Take care of yourself and Mr Cat Lady..

templetonpeck

So sorry to read this....look after yourself OP ((hugs))

Spiderman80884

I know exactly what your other half is feeling at the moment as my wife has only recently gone through the same experience. We even had some clothes bought as we miscarried after the magical 12 week cut off point.

You must take some time off work for a start and take as much time as you need till you can get to the place you need to be. My wife went back to work too early and now she's finding it hard to get back off work so she can get back together properly. It's 7 weeks today since our little boy was born and I have to say, I wish I could have taken more time off.

I won't tell you that things will get better for you. Everybody is different and everybody deals with these things differently. All I will say is that you should take comfort in any support around you and to not be at all hard on yourself. Give your other half the space he needs to grieve and understand that there may be times when you will not be on the same wavelength in the weeks and months ahead - just try to understand each other.

That's really all I can say. God bless.

DonJose

I'm so sorry for your loss. My wife and I were in exactly the same position as you in Jan 07, my wife was 12 weeks pregnant when her waters broke during the night. It was the most painful night I can remember, I felt so hopeless as there was nothing I could do, there were no words I could say that would make the pain go away. A week after the miscarriage I booked us a holiday to Japan, a place my wife always want to go, it somewhat took our minds off our loss and gave us something to look forward to. We started trying again for another baby and we found out she was pregnant that summer, our baby girl was born this February.

I know the hurt you are feeling now, get some counselling and talk to your partner, he is hurting as much as you are. When you feel you are ready, try again. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Going Demented

I know exactly what you are going through. Two pregnancies, no kids.

Miscarried twins three weeks ago. Would of been 12/13 weeks. All i want to do is get pregnant again cause had so many plans and hopes but thats a no go area. Sometimes think i'm cracking up and was put on prozac two weeks ago. Starting to feel a bit better about it and it doesn't consume my every thought. Have books about twins from the library but for the life of me i cant bring myself to pick them up and bring them back and wayyy overdue. Can't talk about it to anyone it seems, not even himself as we broke up two weeks ago and trying to get things back on track and even mentioning all of it seems a no no.

Not sure what to advise about work. That has to be very difficult. I know i'm finding it even hard to look at my pregnant niece. Best of luck to you and look after yourself. Take time out.

crazy cat lady

Hi all,

I just wanted to thank everybody for all your kind words and support. Its been a really rough few weeks but things are looking up.

Everyone who replied with your own experiences of miscarriage - thank you for letting me know we're not alone, and I hope that you are all coming to terms with your losses.

Hopefully soon we'll be ready to start trying for another carzy cat baby Sometimes its just the excitement of the thought of being pregnant again that gets me through the day, or helps me to cope with a moment when I would otherwise cry.

Obviously our lost angel will never be forgotten. We have put together a box of memories that we have, and I was very bold and took a scan photo from my chart! We attended a service run by the miscarriage association and put our baby into the rememberance book. We named it Ashley, as it was a name we had considered and could be used for a girl or a boy.

We also bought a teddy bear from the bear factory, and put a heartbeat into it and also a lullaby tune. It will be our next baby's first teddy please god all going well!

Anyway, thank you all again. I'll be going to hover in the 'trying to concieve' forum until further notice

January

I think the teddy bear idea is great.

I'm glad you're getting through this and hopefully you'll have a brother or sister for your little angel soon!