Sunday Quickies

rocky25

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends.

He would always come home very late.

One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything,

I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had,
until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep.

Then, I wash up and go to bed.

By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea.

So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom,

gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up.

His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight”,

“cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

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30 years ago homosexuality was frowned upon

20 years ago it became accepted

5 years ago they said you could do it when you were 16...

I'm getting out of here before it becomes fecking compulsory!!

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To get through the massive queue's while Christmas shopping, get a wind-up alarm clock, and put it in your backpack.

It's amazing how many people will let you go in front of them once they realise your backpack is ticking.

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I've just got myself a Mail Order Bride, the only problem is, she is 68.

Thats the last time I buy from the Tesco Value range.

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The government's starting an emergency obesity helpline.

Just call 888

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I've just received a Charity Appeal letter from the Apathy Society.

Apparently for just €2.00 a week, you don't have to give a fook about anything.

GAAman

Gay one and the tesco one had me laughin

Plug

First and second last one, very funny:D

dh0661

:) I like :)