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The Smart Neighbour

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  • 10-11-2008 1:59pm
    #1
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭


    Every time the man next door headed toward Michaels's house, Michael knew he was coming to borrow something.

    "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Michael to his wife. "Watch this."

    "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began.

    "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Michael with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

    "In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"

    During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents, young boy cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I`ll never find it here at home, so I`m leaving. Don`t try and stop me!"
    With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
    "Didn`t you hear what I said? I don`t want you to try and stop me."
    "Who`s trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I`ll go with you."

    John finally found the nerve to tell his fiancée that he had to break off their engagement so he could marry another woman.
    "Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked between sobs.
    "Not on her best day," he replied.
    "Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked.
    "No, she's broke," he said.
    "Well, then, is it sex?" she inquired.
    "Nobody does it like you, babe!" he replied.
    "Then what can she do that I can't?" the woman tearfully asked.
    "Sue me for child support!!"

    Brian came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her.

    "Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.

    "How about if I became crippled and couldn't make love to you any more?" Brian asked nervously.

    "Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails.

    "Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Brian went on, "if I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"

    The wife looked over at her husband's worried face. "Frank, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you."


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