I need marriage advice please!!

kazziedal

Hi I am a 32 year old mother of 3 aged 7,5,2. I have been married now for 7 years. I knew before I got married that this man would be hard to live with as he is a head injury surviver and has problems with anger management. He is extremly emontional abusive. he tells me I am as he puts it a "Nacker" because We have three small kids and I can't keep the house spotless all the time. Also because I don't walk around all day in stockings and high heals. He is constantly watching porn on the tv or computer. He gets in trouble in his job for his aggressive attiude. he scoffs and sneers at me if i make a simple mistake. he has told me I am not good looking at all. you may ask why I married him in the first place well i was pregnant scared and confused. Now I don't know what to do I don't have a job and he had the house already when we got married. any advice at all would be soooo appreciated

Caros

Kazziedal, I don't really have much advice for you but I would tell you, we all only have one life to live and this is it! It doesn't sound as if your OH has much respect for you. Do you want to continue living in that situation or do you want to regain your own self respect and have a better life for you and your children?
It's not easy to change one's life - believe me I know too well as I've done it - but I don't think you would regret it.
On the other hand obviously you saw something in this man once, you had his babies after all, is there anyway of redeeming this? Are his doctors aware he has anger management issues, perhaps counselling would help?
THat said he sounds like a tosser to be brutally honest and if the spark ain't there .....
Hope you work out what's best for you and your kids.

kazziedal

Thank you so much Caros. believe or not even just getting someone else's opinion helps.

Caros

Kazziedal, I forgot to say but I think maybe you should get legal advice regarding the house and any other assets, and contact Social welfare regarding what payments you'd get if you were a single parent and maybe then you'll have a clearer head regarding what way you'd be fixed regarding what to do next.

I too had a partner who was an absolute pornaholic. Nothing more demeaning to one's partner I think, and the fe*ker used not even hide the fact he was watching it constantly. Really bugged me :mad:

kazziedal

yeah he doesn't hide it from me either and even bugs me to do things I don't want to do.
I will go and see my local health nurse next week. but one of the things that is stopping leaving him is his wonderful mum I love her to bits she is 76 years old and she has had such a hard life she was so happy when we got married I think she though that He would never find someone because of his head injury when he was 16

Caros

Hmmmm, family are dodgy in situations like this! Does she know what he's like to you? If she does she'll be sympatethic. But then she is his mother and he's her baby so you could end up thre baddie.

I suppose the bottom line is DO YOU LOVE HIM STILL. Or ask yourself do you still want to be with him when you're 50, 60 ?
(Thats what I did anyway!)

At the end of the day if you decide to separate from him it is inevitable there will be hurt and recriminations all round but you do have to preserve your own dignity and self respect.

I'm not long out of a 8 year relationship ( 2 1/2 of them married) and I had a lot of soul searching to make a decision as my ex had medical issues too but self preservation won out in the end.

kazziedal

I do still love him but I am not sure if I want to stay with him because I don't want him to be alone. I have seen his vunerable side and he can be kind. But he want's everything to be perfect and in guess i am more worried that our kids will grow up thinking that nothing they do is good enough i already see the signs in our 7 year old. she is hyper, sensative and I am starting to see her lashing out in anger because all her father does is give out and correct her.
Thank you so much caros you have no idea how much it helps right know just to be able to get this off my chest.

Pherekydes

Caros wrote: »

THat said he sounds like a tosser to be brutally honest and if the spark ain't there .....

The OP said her husband has an acquired brain injury, so he probably can't help his behaviour to a certain extent. That's the way it is with people who have acquired brain injury, unfortunately.

OP, you need to do what's best for yourself and your children, first and foremost.

It's very rough living with someone who has an acquired brain injury.

Good luck with whatever you choose. The Peter Bradley foundation work with people who have acquired brain injuries, and may be able to offer advice.

kazziedal

thank pherekydes i will look into that. I did try Headway before but without to much sucess. But thank you for your advice.

luckyjimbobs

Go stay with friends or family and think of what life will be like without this

man in your life then make active plans to do something about it.

Good luck

james

kazziedal

Thanks James.