Where are all the decent guys of Dublin gone???

LegacyUser

Good Morning Everyone!
Newbie here! But have often kept an eye on the boards- they can at times be very entertaining!!

So yeah maybe the title of my thread is a little negative! But lets put into perspective! Im a 25 year old good looking female ( not wanting to sound arrogant), succesful career, and really outgoing! Have had few diffferent boyfriends in the past, but none of them have taken to my heart if you get me!

Ok, I have high standards- and no they are not ridiculously high, but I wont settle for just anyone, I do believe that a lot of people just settle for the sake of it Im not going to.

So begs the question where are the decent guys of Dublin?

Alicia Angel

Ok Alicia Angel here again!

Ok I just want to explain a few things that I left out in the first post!!:rolleyes:

I go out and do the gym and all the usual stuff- like Im no freak and definitely not introverted. The past couple of weeks that I have been out I seem to be attracting idiots! And no Im not exaggerating!
Im not the type of girl either that goes home with some random guy- I am in the minority there!
I reckon a lot of the decent guys of Dublin have left our emerald isle!! Or are they hiding under a rock somewhere!??

Tragedy

What exactly are your high standards?

Career?
No previous attachments?
Intelligent?
Educated?
Funny?
Attractive?
Tall?
etc.

Maybe you are looking for too much, whether you want to believe it or not
The older you get and the more you look for, the less you find I think.

Placid_Casual

They're all on boards!

Seriously though, I would say there's tonnes of decent guys out there - i'd like to think of myself as one thanks!
But you're probably being too vague for anybody to be able to answer your question. What are you looking for in a guy? What's your definition of a "decent guy"? What has it been about guys you've gone out with before that you didn't like?
If you could answer those it would probably help.

j4vier

you do have to explain your standards a bit
chances are the nice guys that you mention , are the ones who often dont have the courage to approach u

samhail

i saw a whole bunch of them just off grafton street last night ! (heading from st stephens green centre) it was on one of the right turns... im sorry im terrible with street names in there

myself and my mate just put our heads down and kept walking... dont want to get in *that* kind of group now.

Hagar

Alicia Angel wrote: »

So begs the question where are the decent guys of Dublin?

South of France.

Nevyn

Well OP how many guys did you approach over the weekend ?

Alicia Angel

Placid_Casual wrote: »

They're all on boards!

Seriously though, I would say there's tonnes of decent guys out there - i'd like to think of myself as one thanks!
But you're probably being too vague for anybody to be able to answer your question. What are you looking for in a guy? What's your definition of a "decent guy"? What has it been about guys you've gone out with before that you didn't like?
If you could answer those it would probably help.

Hi!

Yeah, sorry about that I probably am being way too vague. Of course- the older we get the more we want! - Just commenting on a previous comment. Thats common sense, we learn from experience, such is life!

Ok what am I looking for in a guy- question of all questions!!;)
Im looking for a guy who is funny, confident- not COCKY, outgoing, respectful, and thats it really! A guy that isnt out for what he can get!
And guys that know where they are at in their lives! Like not constantly complaining about wanting to move away, or moving career or throwing it all in I guess.

So where are all the above hiding???Or do they exist!

Tragedy

Probably taken. Or else shy/not into pubs/clubs scene.

Either way, off your radar

Alicia Angel

Tragedy wrote: »

Probably taken. Or else shy/not into pubs/clubs scene.

Either way, off your radar

Thats great.

samhail

I think what tragedy is hinting at is that if you are looking for something and not finding it... then might be an idea to look somewhere else.

Tragedy

If a man is confident, well grounded, funny and has everything in life going for him, why would he be a long term single?

Women have the "Men approach us, we dont do the approaching" reason. Men you're looking for wont.

So else they dont socialise in the same circles as you(which is entirely possible, more people seem to be getting pissed off with pubs+clubs thank god) or they're shy(which is more likely).

I'll also add something I've seen before but which I'm not sure applies in your case: I've seen a lot of people say they've become choosier with age, less willing to settle.. In a lot of cases this can mean they're less willing to try new things or just go with the flow, they get a mental image of The Ideal Man and compare everyone against it.


I'm sure someone will suggest internet dating soon, who knows - you might be one of the lucky ones

Alicia Angel

Tragedy wrote: »

If a man is confident, well grounded, funny and has everything in life going for him, why would he be a long term single?

Women have the "Men approach us, we dont do the approaching" reason. Men you're looking for wont.

So else they dont socialise in the same circles as you(which is entirely possible, more people seem to be getting pissed off with pubs+clubs thank god) or they're shy(which is more likely).

I have so many different social situations which I mix in! Between sports,volunteering, going out.
Ah I dont know! Im extremely outgoing and am quite independent - perhaps guys are threatened by that! Who knows!?!:eek:

Wibbs

Tragedy wrote: »

If a man is confident, well grounded, funny and has everything in life going for him, why would he be a long term single?

Good point. I will say that if he is a "catch" and single, it's because he knows it and is working that. I do know guys like you reference and because it seems to me that single OK guys in your age bracket are a rare breed, you are competing in a very competitive market(for want of a better word). Essentially they have the pick of the bunch. They also have a wider age range to pick from too. As such you're going to have to work a lot harder than a 22 year old, who is competing in a much less competitive one. As Thaedydal wrote, how many men do you approach?

Alicia Angel

Im not the old school type, like I would approach guys out if I really wanted to.
I know lots of girls like me are asking the same questions

And dont misinterpret me- Im not desperate nor am I looking for a husband! Just curious to where all the nice guys are gone!

Adam

Tragedy makes some fair points Alicia. Another thing I would say is that even at the age of 25, it's not exactly easy to know where you're life is going in terms of career, and especially for younger people in the current economic climate.

Tragedy

*Shrug* People are complicated

Best suggestion I have is dont be afraid to go on dates and have a bit of a fun(I dont mean in that way :pac:) and in the meantime, not get to worried about it.

I know I can obsess about being permanently single myself, but questioning it doesnt really help - it's quite hard for anyone to figure out why some people have it so easy, and some so hard when it comes to finding other halves.

Papillon87

Alicia, hope this doesn't come across the way a couple of other posts on the thread have thus far; there are good intentions behind my words

Anyways, I think if you go about life actively seeking/searching for "a guy" of any type, you are highly likely to be disappointed. Focus on you- doing the things you like, work, friends etc. I'm not saying you do (but I've certainly gone through spells where I have)- but obsessing or getting frustrated over why you're not with someone is a waste of time you could spend enjoying yourself!

I can, however, empathise with your sentiments. The day-cent men of Ireland are certainly not all taken. Equally, yeah, there are plenty of complete chumps about. Same can be said of women, I would imagine. I know it's frustrating going through droughts, though

Also, from your "list", you are not asking for too much. Basic manners and a bit of personality. Good things in any human being, whatever your relationship with them.

Relax and go with the flow, twill happen.

Adam

Tragedy wrote: »

*Shrug* People are complicated

Best suggestion I have is dont be afraid to go on dates and have a bit of a fun(I dont mean in that way :pac:) and in the meantime, not get to worried about it.

I know I can obsess about being permanently single myself, but questioning it doesnt really help - it's quite hard for anyone to figure out why some people have it so easy, and some so hard when it comes to finding other halves.

that final note is quite is quite prominent. not only do different people find it less/more difficult to find an other half, but in one person you can go through phases. after a series of relatively serious relationships i've been single for over two years. i'm not letting it bother me too much, i'm sure it will swing and roundabout, such is life.

Alicia Angel

W

Wibbs wrote: »

Good point. I will say that if he is a "catch" and single, it's because he knows it and is working that. I do know guys like you reference and because it seems to me that single OK guys in your age bracket are a rare breed, you are competing in a very competitive market(for want of a better word). Essentially they have the pick of the bunch. They also have a wider age range to pick from too. As such you're going to have to work a lot harder than a 22 year old, who is competing in a much less competitive one. As Thaedydal wrote, how many men do you approach?

I see you point about the competive market!!
But not wanting to sound arroagant at all...I do get the attention when I go out. Like I do look after myself and Im not an ice queen. I approach guys and we get chatting etc and then its the usual wanna come back to mine etc.
And perphaps Im really old school and whatever but I just dont go home with randomers- just not my style- never has, never will.
Im going to wait now for replies such as , dont be a prude etc, but sure such is life.

Adam

Alicia Angel wrote: »

W

I see you point about the competive market!!
But not wanting to sound arroagant at all...I do get the attention when I go out. Like I do look after myself and Im not an ice queen. I approach guys and we get chatting etc and then its the usual wanna come back to mine etc.
And perphaps Im really old school and whatever but I just dont go home with randomers- just not my style- never has, never will.
Im going to wait now for replies such as , dont be a prude etc, but sure such is life.

nothing prudish about it, but i'll be honest, if a female approaches me in a club, i'll probably say the same thing. which doesn't necessarily mean i have any expectations for the night.

but then, would you approach me in the street alicia? because seemingly the clubs just are working out for you.

Papillon87

Wibbs wrote: »

Good point. I will say that if he is a "catch" and single, it's because he knows it and is working that. I do know guys like you reference and because it seems to me that single OK guys in your age bracket are a rare breed, you are competing in a very competitive market(for want of a better word). Essentially they have the pick of the bunch. They also have a wider age range to pick from too. As such you're going to have to work a lot harder than a 22 year old, who is competing in a much less competitive one. As Thaedydal wrote, how many men do you approach?

The term "catch" and what it encompasses is highly tenuous and differs from person to person.

Also, as a YOUNG (25 being compared to 22?), attractive, highly successful, outgoing female, I wouldn't be getting caught up on "competing" for the attention of an alleged "catch" with girls a couple of years younger.....what's the difference; you have as much to offer if not more as the next girl, regardless of age etc. :rolleyes: Kind of unhealthy approach I would think.

Apologies if I've completely misinterpreted the quoted post.

Blackpitts

Alicia Angel wrote: »

W

I see you point about the competive market!!
But not wanting to sound arroagant at all...I do get the attention when I go out. Like I do look after myself and Im not an ice queen. I approach guys and we get chatting etc and then its the usual wanna come back to mine etc.
And perphaps Im really old school and whatever but I just dont go home with randomers- just not my style- never has, never will.
Im going to wait now for replies such as , dont be a prude etc, but sure such is life.

Questions for you to understand what you mean by "high standards':
- the guy must be irish? would you go out with a foreigner?
- the guy must be older than you? would u date a divorced man?
- the guy must be fit and really good looking or just his personality will do?
- do you look at the job he does, the car he drives, the books he reads?

you see, I do believe that there are many fishes for you out there, even in their 30's. People can be single not for a choice but also because life doesn't come with an instruction manual.
For example, a friend of mine discovered that his gf was cheating on him after 5 years together, he is now single, he is 32 yo and he would be a good catch for every girl.
Another example, I'm foreigner, I'm fit, I have a very good job, I'm 32 and single maybe because I haven't found the girl of my dream yet or I was not really the perfect match for some girls.

So there are decent guys out there, keep your positive attitude, be friendly and don't go with randomers, "Mr Perfect" is just around the corner.

Alicia Angel

Papillon87 wrote: »

The term "catch" and what it encompasses is highly tenuous and differs from person to person.

Also, as a YOUNG (25 being compared to 22?), attractive, highly successful, outgoing female, I wouldn't be getting caught up on "competing" for the attention of an alleged "catch" with girls a couple of years younger.....what's the difference; you have as much to offer if not more as the next girl, regardless of age etc. :rolleyes: Kind of unhealthy approach I would think.

Apologies if I've completely misinterpreted the quoted post.

I completely agree, its not a competition!

Tragedy

But it is a competition. There are a limited amount of desirable, attractive and 'good' guys out there. Same for girls. You see a lot of pretty+nice girls with total pricks, likewise attractive+nice guys with total headwrecking bitches.

It is a competition, you just get to choose whether you want to compete or not.

suppo

Alicia it works both ways. I would say I am in the same situation as yourself, I'm confident, good sense of humour, good job and the same age as you but I just can't find a girl anywhere.
People say don't be thinking about it and it will just happen but thats easier said then done, when you feel within yourself that just want to find a girl or guy that you can enjoy yourself with with and hopefully work out to be the one. Especially when it always seems it is happen for all your friends around you.

Alicia Angel

suppo wrote: »

Alicia it works both ways. I would say I am in the same situation as yourself, I'm confident, good sense of humour, good job and the same age as you but I just can't find a girl anywhere.
People say don't be thinking about it and it will just happen but thats easier said then done, when you feel within yourself that just want to find a girl or guy that you can enjoy yourself with with and hopefully work out to be the one. Especially when it always seems it is happen for all your friends around you.

Yep I hear ya! Jeez I more or less have been saying exactly what you have been saying!Add me to your email!!!Mine is on my profile!

Wibbs

Alicia Angel wrote: »

But not wanting to sound arroagant at all...I do get the attention when I go out. Like I do look after myself and Im not an ice queen. I approach guys and we get chatting etc and then its the usual wanna come back to mine etc.

Oh no don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you're not attractive and you don't get attention or approaches. That's not what I was saying. First off I don't like reducing a complex process down to economics, but there are obvious parallels. I was saying that because of the dynamic of the situation, trying to find a "nice guy/catch/whatever" is more difficult. OK you may get lucky and meet one that isn't aware that they hold more options, but you are more likely to find the guys that know they do(subconsciously or not). Hence the come back to mine thing you're seeing. They do that because they figure if you wont there are enough behind you that will.

And perphaps Im really old school and whatever but I just dont go home with randomers- just not my style- never has, never will.
Im going to wait now for replies such as , dont be a prude etc, but sure such is life.

And fair play to you. I would agree, that you shouldn't with randomers, if you want the odds in your favour for a long termer. It may sound old fashioned etc, but in the main that's the reality.

Papillon87 wrote:

The term "catch" and what it encompasses is highly tenuous and differs from person to person.

I agree, but it doesn't vary that much. People like to think and feel it does, but reality is often more prosaic. There are pretty obvious patterns to how and why people pair up.

Also, as a YOUNG (25 being compared to 22?), attractive, highly successful, outgoing female, I wouldn't be getting caught up on "competing" for the attention of an alleged "catch" with girls a couple of years younger.....what's the difference; you have as much to offer if not more as the next girl, regardless of age etc. :rolleyes: Kind of unhealthy approach I would think.

You don't have to compete as much at 25. You're in broadly the same age group. You simply have more options. Try 35 in the same market(pubs/clubs going out).

How many men of 18 to 25ish come on here that can't get a woman? OK you get the older guys the odd time, but in general it's the younger guys trying to find their feet that have the most difficulty in general. The older guys looking usually are the shyer men who didn't work through the early 20's relationship learning curve.

Basically, a halfway decent 35 year old man with a half decent life, has a far higher range of options datewise, than a similar woman. he may not think or realise this, but he does. Indeed I would ask questions of a guy at 35 if he had difficulty(he could just be shy etc or fussy though). Even from an age group of potential partners. He can quite easily look at women from 20 to 40. How many 35 year old women are even interested in chatting up 20 year men?*quiet at the back there*:) So like the 20 year old guy has to get out there and work more, so does the 35 year old woman. Obviously that's in general, but it is like that. Again obviously that's just my take on it, but there you go.

Tragedy wrote:

But it is a competition. There are a limited amount of desirable, attractive and 'good' guys out there. Same for girls. You see a lot of pretty+nice girls with total pricks, likewise attractive+nice guys with total headwrecking bitches.

It is a competition, you just get to choose whether you want to compete or not.

Pretty much

Wibbs

Alicia Angel ok you may have something in common with another poster, but you'll understand this isn't a dating forum, so take it to PM/email/ Thanks

Wibbs

suppo wrote: »

Alicia it works both ways. I would say I am in the same situation as yourself, I'm confident, good sense of humour, good job and the same age as you but I just can't find a girl anywhere.

Where are you looking and what are you looking for? I'm serious. they are literally everywhere.

People say don't be thinking about it and it will just happen but thats easier said then done,

I agree completely. It's one of those BS lines like "just be yourself". Utter tosh for the most part and doesn't work unless through pure dumb luck. If just "being yourself" or waiting for it to "just happen" worked then few would have this difficulty.

It requires work and effort. Many think this takes the romance out of it. It doesn't and if you don't make the effort, you'll get no romance.